Merry Christmas: an invitation from Jesus to worship. He’s always worth it!

Merry Christmas everybody!

Jesus came, lived, died, rose, ascended and is coming back. He is the light of the world that no level of darkness can extinguish (Jn. 8:12, 9:5). He is the bread of life sustaining our every deepest need (6:35-48). He is the gate for the sheep (10:7), selflessly putting himself before the greatest evils and dangers to protect us into eternity. He is the good shepherd (10:11-14) who knows each of our names, our every heartbeat, need and struggle; who leads us to green pastures. He is the resurrection and the life (11:25), who has defeated the greatest enemy of our existence, conquering death itself, leading us into the fullest and most purposeful of lives. He is the way, the truth, and the life (14:6), in whom we find all truth, meaning, value, desire, passion, hope, understanding, and wisdom for our every moment and choice. He is the true vine (15:1-5), the source of all life and hope, continually drawing nourishment for our souls.

He is God Himself (Col. 1:15) was before all creation, and in Him was everything made (v.16). He is the gravitational pull that holds every molecule of our existence in being (v.17).

He is.

And yet He chose to come in the most undignified, and dangerous way. A young couple, a long journey, an exposed birth. Frail and vulnerable. Made nothing for our sake (Phil. 1:7), yet even this was more dignified than His eventual destination on the cross (v.8).

He. Is. Simply. Incredible.

And is always was, always is, and always will be, the King of kings (1 Tim. 6:15), the Redeemer (Eph. 1:7), the Reconciler (2 Cor. 5:19-21) the Creator (Jn. 1:1-3), the Lover (1 Jn. 4:19), the Prince of Peace (Is. 9:6), the Messiah (Matt. 16:15-16), The Holy One (Jn. 6:69) – and our perfect friend (15:15). He just is.

It is He who wishes us a Merry Christmas – an invitation to worship the fountain of all goodness, to join in the angels and living creatures singing Holy, holy holy is the Lord God Almighty (Rev. 4:8). It is He we can trust when all else turns to dust. He who brings joy, meaning, hope, and fullness of life.

He, who is always, always worth it.

Merry Christmas everybody!

 

Photo by Dan Kiefer on Unsplash

10 times not to plant a church

Here’s ten times that I’d encourage a would-be church planter to slow down and think twice before stepping out to start a church. I wouldn’t necessarily say these are hard-and-fast rules, but they should at least be reasons to step back, bring in some outside wisdom, and tread with more care before jumping in. Being a pastor, after all, is an immense and serious calling; planting a church I believe is much more so, not less.

I would love more people to plant churches! I really would. But I would prefer these plants started well, were led responsibly, and lasted long.

Church planting is massively needed and should be encouraged. However, in the same way that having a child is not a decision to be taken lightly, so should we birth new communities with a great deal of care, support, and responsible thinking.

Here are ten times that I’d ask you to slow down and think more carefully.

Planting because you’re hurt

I too bear scars from poor experiences in churches. If, however, I responded to my hurt by trying to build my own hospital, something would probably be amiss.

Starting with the pastor, church is not designed as a way for the leaders to make themselves feel better, or as a way of ‘fixing it’ in others without waiting for true healing. Planting out of hurt will often shape all the ministry we do subversively to this end. What often results is building ourselves a yes-network of also-hurting people. This will leave a church isolated and separate from the wider Body of Christ, and view those ‘outside’ as aggressors and those within as victims. This might be a support group, but it’s not – on its own – a church.

Church should be a place for the wounded and the hurt, for sure – but I’m not convinced that fresh personal hurt is a sound enough reason to plant. In the same way, we shouldn’t have a baby to make us feel better, so too we should be careful with creating a new church because of hurt.

Planting in the middle of deconstructionism

Looking at deconstructionism in its original form (Derrida et al), we need to be understanding it as a process of exploration in order to find truth – you are supposed to reassemble the parts afterwards. We, however, have made an art of deconstruction as a perpetual state, where the pieces stay fractured. Our ‘question everything’ turns into ‘question, but don’t actually seek answers.’ This, I think, becomes lazy, and worse, can actually stop wounds from becoming scars.

Pastoring a church from within the middle of this is like running a racetrack, and each night dismantling all the cars and hiding all the fuel. When the drivers arrive each morning, they’ve got nothing left but a pile of parts, and are left alone to deal with it.

Although we should always seek to question and challenge, assuming deconstruction as our ultimate posture is not the right frame of being for someone who is seeking to be a shepherd of others.

Planting to prove something

Have you ever looked at a preacher or a pastor and thought ‘I could do that better than them’? Me too. It’s a big leap, however, from thinking that to actually doing it to prove it.

Planting a church to prove you’d make a good pastor, or to show other churches how it’s supposed to be done, makes the plant about you. Being a pastor, however, is essentially a selfless pursuit. A church is fundamentally there to serve people not your ego.

If you think there could be true calling inside your egotistical ‘I could do that better’ musings, then instead talk to a pastor and look at ways you could serve and find out with accountability what that calling might look like.

Planting because you weren’t hired

This one seems to be surprisingly common. Someone wasn’t chosen to be a pastor, but still has a burning desire to do so, and so they plant instead.

There might be some situation in which this is the right course of action, but my suspicion is mostly this would be a reactionary response to disappointment. If we don’t get a pastor position, then a period of reflection should follow. We should reflect on why we were not a good fit, and perhaps whether there are still things we need to learn before continuing.

Also, leading an established church and planting a new one, are totally different callings requiring different skills – so if you were seeking the first, I’m be cautious before assuming you’re equally equipped for the second.

Planting when you haven’t identified a mission area

Plants should exist because there is an area that another church isn’t currently doing healthy mission and ministry within. We plant where people are being missed and there are plenty of these places available.

This means that what should drive a plant are local needs, compassion for missing people, and a desire to bring the gospel where it is not currently spoken.

When churches are planted without this, what tends to happen is they just siphon people off from other churches. This can weaken the wider body of Christ by actively disrupting established communities. When these plants fail, which statistically seem to be after about nine months, these people are often left feeling they can’t go back, meaning they end up nowhere.

Planting when you’re not being mentored

Every pastor needs to be accountable to somebody. Every church planter needs the personal support and discipleship of somebody wiser and more experienced than they are. This can be provided locally, or by a national body, or even a good friend, but it is utterly essential for a healthy pastor of a sound plant. They must be asked the hard questions and challenged deeply and lovingly about their motives. I believe all pastors should welcome this before stepping out.

It’s too often the case that somebody retreats from church, isolates themselves from the community, doesn’t seek personal spiritual support, lives in their own head, resounds in their own echo chambers, and then – somehow, miraculously – discerns a sudden and divine calling to plant a church.

I think this is rarely how God works. He calls us to be subject to one another, and to thrive within accountable community.

Planting as a favour

This is a bit weird, but I’ve seen people plant because other people asked them to as a favour. It wasn’t necessarily that the planter felt a calling to lead a church, but that other people within churches wanted someone else to do a better job somewhere else than what they had. So rather than getting involved in serving, they subversively went around corners and behind backs to convince someone else to make somewhere more favourable for them.

The issue with this is similar to not identifying a mission area in that this doesn’t create a church plant so much as a church split.

Friends can encourage you and say they see pastoral gifts in you, but that shouldn’t come with conditions and baggage. It might be a nice ego stroke but instead encourage them (and model for them) getting involved more actively by serving within the community that exists.

Planting when you haven’t talked to other churches

There are true church plants that do the homework, research the area, communicate with the right people, and then start well so have a good chance of pastoring uniquely and with longevity. Then there are church plants that happen sneakily, subversively, often without the other local churches even knowing.

Unless every church in your area is actively preaching heresy or damaging the reputation of the Kingdom of God, then you really shouldn’t seek to plant without talking first with those who have been doing it.

If you’re planting a church then, like it or not, you’re becoming part of the wider Body of Christ. If you don’t seek to add to the health of the whole, then you’ll end up being something like a severed limb. You’ll do some things well (at least for a while) but you’ll be sadly missing out on others.

Planting when you can’t speak clearly on what a church is

What you might be discovering here is that I’m speaking out against half-baked and reactionary church plants that don’t really know what they are. I’m fine for people to plant a ministry, a home group, a support network, a charity, a missionary organisation, or any other kind of healthy group, but it means something very specific to plant a church.

I’m not suggesting that you necessarily need a theology degree or encyclopaedic understanding of ecclesiology, in the same way a parent doesn’t need to have read Piaget. But if you’re about to plan to have a baby, then if would help if you were fully invested in understanding what it was that you were getting into. If you thought that having a baby would be all cuddles and cuteness, then you’ll be pretty freaked out by what you’d get!

A church is not a home group, a support group, or me and my mates hanging out and singing songs. These might all be important parts of what a church could be, but this is far from the whole picture. Ask a Pastor who’s been doing it for a while what a church is and what’s truly involved.

A church is a living and active lifetime community that seeks to develop lasting and deep local expressions of mission, ministry, care, worship, prayer, sacraments, teaching, fellowship, and support for vulnerable people. It’s a mutual network of believers – real people with families, jobs, histories, and needs. There are tragedies, bereavements, conflicts, personal battles, and very real pastoral responsibilities. It’s not a small business marketed well for a few years, then closed when the customer base runs dry.

Starting a church is no less than starting a family, it’s important that we understand some of the weight of that before we jump in.

Planting when God didn’t tell you to

I believe church planters should still have to go through a process of assessing their calling as pastors. This process will take a little while and should involve a lot of people who ask objective and challenging questions about motives. It should include individual and community support periods of deep reflection. It should include long family conversations on how it will shape the entire direction of life for the foreseeable future.

In the bottom resonant part of your heart, you should feel the rumble of God saying, ‘I’m with you and I want you to step out and do this.’ Before you think of a mission area, a location, a style, a building, a team, or anything specific or physical, you should have felt the pull of God on your life to pastor. The calling should drive the plant, not the other way around.

Don’t just decide that God has told you to go without properly asking Him about it. If God tells you go – then go! But ask that question with all the right accountability, reflection, and with a sense of humble realism. Then, if He says go – go. And strap in!

All the best.

 

Enjoyed this? Check out ’57 Random Suggestions for New Pastors’

Photo by Skull Kat on Unsplash

“I’m not a numbers guy”, yea, but are you?

Have you ever waited by the door at 7.05 silently pleading for cars to arrive? Have you looked around at the empty chairs in the room with that sinking feeling? Have you tried to explain attendance figures away in a colourfully worded report? Have you felt a gnawing press of guilt in the back of your mind when people just aren’t showing up and you don’t know why?

Yup? Me too.

We don’t care about numbers, but we do care about numbers.

There are some genuine reasons to care about numbers. We genuinely want more young people to know Jesus! We care about these kids and believe we have something good for them. We want them to connect with a healthy, loving community of people who know God and want the best for them. Of course, we want more numbers!

There are, however, obvious places where it’s not ok to worry about numbers. We’re not in the ‘bums on seats’ business. Filling seats to please the congregation or the pastor, or to justify a pay rise or bigger budget, or to simply feel better about ourselves and our reputation, just isn’t cricket. We’re called to who we’re called to, whether that’s three, thirty, or three hundred.

So, when I feel like this, I try and remember three things:

1. Jesus said ‘I have others’

In Jn. 10:16, Jesus, speaking to the Pharisees, says He is the good shepherd who has the responsibility for His sheep. He says that He has ‘other sheep that are not of this pen’ and that He ‘must bring them also.’ He’s talking about those outside the Jewish community, the Gentiles, and that He has a plan for them too.

One application we can take from this is these are not our kids they belong to God. We are to make ourselves fully available to Him a tool, but it’s His job to wield us how He wants. He’s got this, and He isn’t neglecting others because they don’t yet come to our youth club. We are one piece in His much larger plan. Our job is to be faithful with what He’s given us.

2. Jesus wasn’t a crowd teacher

There are actually very few places in the Gospels where Jesus specifically addressed a crowd. Even in those odd places where He did, He tended to only speak directly to a small group with a crowd listening in.

Almost all of Jesus’ ministry is done with individuals and small groups. He commits Himself to the twelve (and mostly just three; Peter, James and John), and He spends almost all of His time conversing, healing, and performing miracles in very small groups.

3. Three young people can change the world

If you spend fifty years as a youth pastor running large-number crowd events and as a result see fifty young people become a Christian every year, that would be amazing. There would be 2500 new believers, the size of a large school, when you retire. Fab!

If, however, you spend two years with just three young people – committed yourself and your resources fully to them, and then taught them to do the same – then two things would happen: First, you’d get fired. Three young people after two years work is a rubbish looking youth club! Second, you’d see the entire population of the world saved in half of your lifetime.

Care about numbers

This is where it makes sense to care about numbers. Care about the small number that God has given you, and don’t resent it. Jesus started with the few who showed up and He fully committed Himself to them. We can do that too!

As a result, we will see deeper, longer lasting growth in maturity, and even a slow but steady increase in the number of believers too. Why would we care about big numbers in our youth groups when this is the alternative? Let’s get on it!

This doesn’t mean don’t go out and do evangelism or mission events. We should! The great commission needs us to; but in the everyday grind, our job is to commit ourselves to those who show up, and hand them, and the others ‘outside’ back to Jesus. They belong to Him anyway.

Happy Saturday!

 

Photo by davide ragusa on Unsplash

Have youth workers become too good at ‘conjuring’ God up?

One of the most essential things that we can do for a young person is help them take responsibility over their own faith. The problem, however, due in no small part to our hero complexes, is we can be more inclined to make our faith their faith.

Our job is not to conjure God up in the lives of young people, our job is to point them to God and then get out of the way. One of the only things we see the apostle Philip doing in the Gospels is just bringing people to Jesus. He then disappears from the narrative and Jesus takes over.

Eli, in the calling of Samuel (1 Sam. 3), saw where God was at work in the life of young Samuel, named it, gave Samuel some help to understand it, and then went back to bed – leaving Samuel and God to get on with it.

Sometimes I worry that our relentless pursuit for ‘relevancy’ means we make the gospel too palatable and faith too fickle. The result is young Christians whose faith becomes largely dependent on us and the projects we create for them. When we leave, or when they outgrow the projects, it’s all too common for young people to outgrow this dependant faith at the same time.

Some of the answer to this is found in integrating young people into the life of the church much sooner, helping them become active participants in the community of faith. I think, however, that in order to address this issue properly, we need to go deeper than this. We first need to address our attitudes towards young people.

Reactive youth ministry

I think our projects, our teaching, and our resources, (and even our job descriptions) are far too often reactive rather than proactive. Like all things reactive, they react out of fear. If we fear that young people aren’t coming to church, we might change things reactively to get them to come. If we fear that our young people might lose their faith, will teach them reactively in the hope of gaffer-taping our faith to them. If we fear they aren’t responding to God in worship, we might turn down the lights down or up the volume. If we fear they aren’t responding to our ‘altar calls’ we might chip away at the call until its broad enough that someone’ll stand up.

So, let’s ask the question honestly: Are we scared for our young people’s faith?

When young people don’t look like they’re responding in worship, or don’t put their hands up during a response time, how do you feel about it? Are you upset, afraid, desperate, embarrassed, guilty? Or are you, confident in the work God has given you to do, happy that these young people are able to make their own decisions about how, when, and if, this stuff becomes part of their lives.

Young people need to be given responsibility over their own faith. We’re there to facilitate that faith, introduce them to Jesus, and help them understand what that means, but it’s their job to maintain their own relationship with Him. We cannot do this for them.

Shifting the assumptions

A young person’s relationship with Jesus belongs to that young person. We can instruct, advise, point, and help shape, but we can’t live their relationships for them, or – even worse – try to create it for them. It’s the same with marriage. I can model a healthy relationship with my wife to a young couple, but our unique relationship cannot be the blueprint for theirs. If every time they make a relationship decision by referring to us, they won’t grow their own intimacy, communication habits, or even create their own formational memories.

So, what do you do that helps a young person relate to God for themselves? When a young person asks you a question about their life, for instance, have you ever responded with something like ‘what did God say when you asked Him?’ That is an important example of shifting responsibility. It’s not that you don’t answer, but you begin with clearly assuming and communicating that their relationship with God is the key.

So slow down! Making a life-defining decision to follow Jesus, and then live that out for the rest of our lives is no little thing. It’s not, contrary to popular opinion, something that can always be decided in the moment after three songs, an empathetic talk, and an altar call.

I’d rather a young person took ten years to work it out, had times away, and seasons of searching, and then stuck at it, rather than recommitting to God every year at camp, without ever really growing in maturity until they leave it all behind at age 18.

Let’s give young people the respect they need by allowing them the space for the responsibility required for a lifetime of faith.

It will also help us sleep sounder, last longer, and live better, knowing that God’s got this – our job is to point, love, encourage, and then get out of the way.

 

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What if schools stop teaching RE?

The place of Religious Education in schools has been diminishing for decades now. Which is leaving many Christians (and vocal Christian organisations) with some questions.

  • Where will young people learn about the Christian faith?
  • Is secular humanism winning in our Education system?
  • What will form the basis for our young people’s morality?
  • Will Christianity be diluted by exposure to other faiths?
  • How will we justify future school visits?

These are, I believe (and forgive me) entirely the wrong questions with entirely the wrong attitude.

Let’s do some pedantic answers first.

Where will young people learn about the Christian faith?

Exactly where they’re supposed to learn it, through Christian parents and faithful evangelists. It was never the place of the School to do the work of the Church.

Is secular humanism winning in our Education system?

No, in that that’s not the only, single, or collective worldview of the culminative mass of education authorities, exam boards, curriculum writers, teachers, and administrators. It’s a little naïve and conspiratorial to think ‘education’ gets together in a room once a year and decides what to think. And yes, in that that is (very) broadly the worldview of the Western world we interact with. Were you expecting anything different? The gospel is taken to the world, we’re not meant to derive the gospel from it.

What will form the basis for our young people’s morality?

Once again, we’re you expecting the education to do the job of the church – or even the job of the Holy Spirit? Schools have an important role teaching young people to enter the workforce – and some level of practical morality comes with that, but that 1) isn’t limited to RE, and 2) that wouldn’t, by default, come from the same place as Christians.

Will Christianity be diluted by exposure to other faiths?

Only if you assume that the place of the Schools is to amplify or distinguish the Christian faith to begin with. I’d rather it didn’t; again, that’s our job. I don’t think that’s been true since, at least Rousseau in the 18th Century. There’s unfortunately a lot of strange Christendom attachment in all of these questions. I also believe that the Christian faith holds its own just fine when tested without needing to censor other views.

How will we justify future school visits?

Through creativity and servant-heartedness. I’ve been visiting schools for years, and although I do teach in RE lessons, that’s a small part of my schools’ work. If we begin with a conviction to serve the young people in school rather than proselytize them, then we build healthier relationships and can focus our explicitly evangelistic efforts on our own terms and spaces, rather than hijacking others.

So, what would we lose?

Traditionally, RE has filled a unique place within education by teaching critical thinking, and giving reflective space to explore the more complicated depths of ethics and philosophy. It’s been an important space to ask ‘why?’ while allowing young people room to wrestle with real life issues and case studies.

Although some of this has become the purview of ‘Personal and Social Education’ (PSE) lessons, along with assemblies, enrichment and extra-curricular ventures, a lot of the critical and explorative aspects have disappeared from Key Stage 3 and 4 curriculums. It has also disappeared, in no small part, from the sciences, mathematics, history, and English lessons too. Teachers, with us, feel this loss, because they too want young people to learn how to think critically and ethically.

This is something worthy of lament. We don’t want young people to accept Jesus or ‘swallow the gospel’ blindly. If they do, then they are unlikely to receive it in its entirety or they’ll find that it doesn’t function naturally in their lives when they grow. We want young people, convicted by the Holy Spirit, to make healthy and informed decisions to follow Jesus.

So, what can we do?

Look for ways to serve the school you know, and within them, the pupils. Meet with teachers and senior staff and find out what the unique local needs are. Serve the school. There are always ways to do this, and – under this attitude – schools tend to be very receptive.

Three ideas you may not have tried:

  • Offer services outside of RE teaching first – especially in areas schools struggle to maintain or provide for. So mentoring, assemblies, helping on trips, helping as a Teaching Assistant, working with additional needs, etc.
  • Offer to be a school governor or trustee. As a community youth worker, a charity sector worker,  possibly a parent, or just an interested and informed (and DBS checked) local resident, you could add real value. This puts you in the driving seat and connects you with all the right people. Also look into attending ‘Parents, Teachers and Friends Association’ (PTFA) meetings.
  • Connect with government oversight groups. If your area has one, look into getting a seat on your local ‘Standing Advisory Council on Religious Education’ (SACRE). They strongly welcome local church leaders, and usually ask them to chair. You can also sit down with your ‘Local Education Authority’ (LEA) and ask them how you can best serve.

There are always ways, therefore, to connect deeply and serve effectively in local schools without needing RE directly.

All the best!

 

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How subtle shifts in ‘identity culture’ are changing the shape of our youth work

Let’s start with an exercise, which of the following statements do you associate with,

1) when you were a young person yourself,

2) when you first started youth work, or were taught youth work

3) what you teach today:

  • ‘You can do anything you want to
  • ‘You can be anything you want to
  • ‘You need to discover who you truly are.’
  • ‘God has a specific plan for your life.’
  • ‘I accept you no matter what.’
  • ‘Don’t let anyone tell you what you can/can’t do
  • ‘Don’t let anyone tell you what you can/can’t be
  • ‘Nobody deserves to be

Many of these are similar, but there are some interesting differences. When I was a young person, I remember everyone teaching me that God had a plan for my life which I simply needed to find out and walk in. When I began youth work myself, this changed subtly. I taught instead that you could achieve anything, so dream big because you can do anything you want to do. Post-market crash, and with the emergence of Gen Z, this changed again. Identity topics began to have more to do with discovering your ‘true self’, accepting it, and fighting for your right to it.

These three different perspectives have mostly been true in some form across the last few decades, but with different aspects dialled up or down.

The silver bullet

Identity is widely agreed in both Christian and secular youth work as one of the most important topics to cover. It can be the silver bullet to a young person’s ability to grow confidently and healthily. It’s essential, therefore, that we know what it is we’re talking about when we use the word ‘identity’. But do we?

I believe there is a lack of solidity under the ground of this, essential, topic of identity. This crumbly foundation has lead to inconsistency in our resources, and a lack of depth within our lifestyle teaching throughout Christian youth work.

So, here’s my question to youth workers: ‘Do you really know what you mean when you use the word “identity” with young people?’

Usually identity as a topic orbits the ideas of self-actualisation, self-esteem, relationships/community/belonging, love and acceptance, physical safety and security, and physiological needs. We could also explore personality types, gender, race, history, class, additional needs, community structure, education, aspirations, family backgrounds, experiences, and… well a whole lot more. For Christians, we’d add in being created by God, found in Christ, saved by Grace and empowered by the Holy Spirit within faith communities, etc. It’s a broad topic.

A solid foundation, I believe, would begin with the identity of Christ himself, balanced across our supra-cultural traits, then lived out in the world. Without this (or more often reversing this; so starting with your place in the world, then trying to figure out your humanity, then trying to shoe-horn Jesus in afterwards) creates all kinds of mutually-exclusive messages within our teaching.

A complex constant, or constantly complex?

The thing is, identity really is quite complex, and it’s certainly not static. For all of our preaching on ‘finding our true selves’ – as if that was a static treasure hidden inside a proverbial Kinder egg which simply needs unveiling and putting together – in reality our ‘true self’ is immensely fluid and fickle. It changes, legitimately, in different contexts and at different stages of life. So, what do we really mean?

It’s super important that we help to develop healthy, confident, resilient, personable, and able young people, but we do want to take care which assumptions we might be accidently propping up along the way – and how those assumptions will battle each other in the mind of a developing young person.

My contention is we should begin with the identity of Christ (himself, not us), then start working out what it means for us to be in Christ, then explore living out our lives about Christ.

I’ll spend more time on that in another post, but to help us for now define more clearly the extent of our uncertainty on the topic, here’s some abstract questions. My hope is through simply exploring these, and other questions like them, we’ll begin to think a little deeper, and we’ll hone and nuance our thinking about identity. This is a topic that’s worth the effort!

Some thought-experiment questions

  1. Does ‘you can be anything you want to be’ mean ‘you can be a helicopter’?
  2. Does ‘you can do anything you want to do’ mean you can fly?
  3. If you identify as a cat, is it my duty to your health to treat you like one?
  4. If you identify as indestructible, would it be inappropriate to stop you jumping off a tall building?
  5. If you identify as invisible, and by looking at you I would deeply offend you, should I look at you?
  6. If you identify as a nudist, should someone make you put on pants in Starbucks?
  7. If you fall out with your family, can you consciously decide they are no longer related to you? Would you expect that to be recognised by others?
  8. If you identify as being sick with the flu (without any symptoms or diagnosis) should the doctor write you a sick note so that you can stay off work/school?
  9. If your identity produces a threat to others, can I intervene?
  10. Is ‘personal identity’ or ‘group identity’ more important? Which should win when both are in tension?
  11. What/who should be allowed a say over your identity?
  12. When is rejecting behaviour the same as rejecting personhood or identity?
  13. When is rejecting personal narrative the same as rejecting personhood or identity?
  14. Does ‘discover your true self’ need additional help to grow that into a ‘better self’?
  15. How malleable is identity?
  16. How much do you expect your identity to change?
  17. How is identity linked to maturity? How should one affect the other?
  18. Is self-reporting the best way to find self-identity?
  19. If you don’t feel loved does that mean you are not loved?
  20. Are you always supposed to feel good about everything you are? Would that be the main goal of your identity?
  21. Who does your identity belong to?
  22. How does sanctification, holiness, sin, transformation, and growth affect a true self?
  23. What lines exist between ‘shamming’ and ‘challenge’?
  24. Does God have a hyper-specific plan for your life? What happens if you miss it?
  25. How does being ‘in Christ’ affect your identity?
  26. How does being ‘filled with the Holy Spirit’ affect your identity?
  27. When should/shouldn’t you be expected to nuance, yield, change, or remove aspects from your identity?

Some of these are pretty pedantic, and I’m purposely not answering them. We need to work through them ourselves against the backdrop of gospel theology. My point is that we need to tread more carefully as influential youth leaders in order to help young people grow as healthy people who trust in God and know how to navigate life well. There’s far too much inconsistency in how we teach on identity – and it’s too easy to prop up fluffy assumptions and broad sweeping ideologies that just don’t help those young people truly grow.

These subtle distinctions and contradictions, taught at the level of identity, will war with each other inside a young person’s mind into adulthood. Let’s take this seriously, give nuance its day, and deepen our understanding of identity. There are few worthier topics worth this amount of effort to unstick and undergird.

All the best!

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Do you understand ‘youth culture’ or ‘young people’?

Those are actually two very different things. Understanding a boat is not the same as understanding the sea.

Of course, a response to that is ‘sure, Tim, but the boat doesn’t create the sea, whereas youth culture is a direct product of young people.’ Fair point, but is it though?

To what extent is youth culture actually created by young people themselves? If popular culture comes primarily from music, games, clothes, books, sports – in relationship with news, markets, education, politics, technology – etc. then all these things are the purview of adults whose job it is to pre-empt the needs and desires of young people, use available resources, and then create something for them to aspire into. Youth culture then, is largely the by-product of cultural marketing, entertainment companies, and broader secondhand experiences – conceived, designed, packaged, and sold almost exclusively by adults.

Granted, all of this is heavily reliant on trend-spotting, which needs to be very receptive to the voice of young people; but 1) it’s still all largely processed by adults, and 2) we’re still talking about a group of young people that were influenced by the last trends of youth culture – which was also packaged by adults.

Understanding youth culture is not the same as understanding young people.

This is a super important distinction to make as it means that a lot of youth culture is aspirational rather than actual. It’s created outside of them to step into, rather than blossoming directly from them as young people. Culture, in this sense, works as some form of role modelling or inhabitable zones. Young people are therefore forming identifies by reaching for what (culturally) is attractive to them from outside of themselves and ‘deciding’ (whether subliminally or liminally) whether to step into it.

In which case, we as youth leaders need to stop talking exclusively about how to speak into culture and start to literally speak culture instead.

Can we form healthy, distinct, and uniquely aspirational culture in our youth work communities? What is it that we can help them reach for? What relational biases and personal visions can we influence?

Young people are capable of so much more than their cultural whims suggest. Let’s give them that opportunity for more.

This is a big topic – and linked to things I’ve written previously on relevancy, and ‘supra-cultural’ traits – so expect more on this to come.

 

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What is my PhD about?

Some folk have been asking me about my research recently, and I kinda dread the question. It’s a mixture of complicated to explain and difficult to justify. So, I thought I’d take a few minutes to answer some questions for those who are interested.

What’s your research title?

‘An exegetical and socio-historical examination into the identity and missional significance of the people group known as ‘God-fearers’ in the Book of Acts, with some exploration of their potential contemporary equivalence.’

What’s an easier way of saying that?

Who are those God-fearers in the book of Acts, why were they important, and do they still exist in some form today?

Who are ‘God-fearers’?

There’s a range of possible views from pious Jews, to interested Gentiles, to proselytes/Jewish converts, to a formal Gentile group within the synagogues, to, well nobody; just a group that Luke made up to make a literary point. I think that they are probably some form of 1st-5th Century Gentiles with an interest in the monotheism, ethics, and rituals of Judaism – at least enough to attend or donate to a synagogue – but they haven’t converted or won’t due to their social position. But there’s much more to be said, and even that was really pretty speculative at best.

Can you break that into parts?

Part 1. Lit review. Looking at just about everything that’s been written on God-fearers, inc. primary evidence from archeological and epigraphical sources.

Part 2. Exegesis. Studying the book of Acts, and particularly the God-fearer/God-worshipper passages in detail. Who they were and how they functioned within the narrative.

Part 3. Missiology. Looking at which (if any) contemporary groups might overlap with this historic group, and whether similar mission practices might produce similar results.

Why this topic?

I first became interested in God-fearers while studying them for an undergrad essay nearly fifteen years ago. Since then I’ve kept up with the research culminating in my MA dissertation in 2018 (for which I earned a distinction). They seemed to have had a massive impact within Paul’s missionary work, yet we know very little definitive about them. I can’t help but feel they hold the key to the massive expansion of the early church and could perhaps help us engage in more effective mission today.

What are you going to have to learn?

Areas of research will include Second Temple Judaism, early Christianity, early Roman history, advanced Greek, broad New Testament studies and criticism, genre theories, cultural (and religious) hybridity theory, some archaeological methods, social network theory (no, not the online one), and of course exegesis and hermeneutics at a high level. I’ll also need to learn German and maybe French because some research isn’t available in English.

Why are you not studying youth work?

Although this will have an impact on my youth work, my first passion has always been knowing God better through broader biblical theology – especially the New Testament. I believe that committing to know God and His Word better is the best training you can have for any ministry. I’ll keep seeking to grow as a youth worker through reading, experience, and training – but not in this particular academic arena.

Why are you not studying at a Bible College?

I’ve done that twice already and wanted a change. I’m also suspicious that I’ll need to work harder to defend my assumptions within a non-confessional network of people who don’t share my baseline convictions. I was also looking for a different challenge, and a bigger set of resources to lean on. Finally, I met a very knowledgeable supervisor that understands my area better than anyone else that I’ve spoken to so far – and he doesn’t work for a Bible College.

How are you doing this while working?

I’m taking the PhD part time, so it’s probably going to be a six-year adventure. I’m studying for a bit every morning on weekdays, attending online seminars a couple of times a week, and I’m meeting semi-regularly online with a supervisor. It fits around my job.

Are you going to leave at the end of it and become a nerdy professor or something?

That’s not my plan. I’m always open to God’s leading, and who knows where I’ll be at 39 or 40 years old! (Which is when I’ll be finished). But there are no plans right now to move on from what I’m doing.

What can I pray for?

Thank you. Pray for me to find Jesus in my studies, and to become a deeper disciple. Pray for my health – that I remember to eat, sleep, and exercise well; and pray for me to be a loving husband and quality youth leader during this time. Pray for the research to bear fruit, make sense, and actually change lives. Thanks. 🙂

One of the most serious yet neglected reasons youth workers quit.

They’re not truly part of the body.

This sounds like an odd thing to say, but let me give you a story and you tell me if you think I’m right.

In my first youth and childrens’ work position Sunday mornings were immensely busy. I was often the first person to arrive in church and the last to leave. I was responsible for the first fifteen minutes of the service, then I oversaw the four Sunday Schools in the halls across the road. If I had a free minute, I’d usually sneak into my office and do some prep for the youth club that evening. It was quite lonely – which is not a feeling that one should naturally associate with gathered times of worship. Every fourth Sunday I ran the entire all-age service. As a result, I only attended (at most) three or four entire services in my whole four years in that post. If I’m sure honest, I can only really remember part of one. When I asked my wife, she couldn’t even remember that.

This is not an isolated story – maybe it even resonates with your own? Everywhere I go, I meet youth and children’s workers who are out of the main service for most weeks. The wisest of them rota in a week where they’re not required, but that’s usually just one in four, and (as any pastor will tell you) not doing anything doesn’t mean people still won’t require you for everything.

Desperate for community

After three years in that position, I joined a home group. I wasn’t required to (and as a big believer in working hours; I don’t think this should be a demand), but I wish someone looked into my personal growth earlier and encouraged me to. It was bittersweet. It was helpful in that I suddenly had a place of real fellowship and prayer, but it hurt in that it highlighted just how much I had been missing.

An immensely important part about being a Christian is gathering with your brothers and sisters to worship together. Mutual edification, sharing communion, equipping for mission, etc. happens in the gathered body. Although worship does also happen in other zones too (and I think that the church should de-centralise its main service), the dominant culture of worship today is still that Sunday time together.

Almost all of my times of worship in that first job we’re in spaces I was running or were alongside young people or children with dramatically different spiritual needs and temperaments than my own as an adult. I couldn’t switch off and just be part of it.

Working or gathering?

There is also the odd tug-of-war between being a ‘member’ of a church and an ‘employee’ of a church. These lines are often very blurry, which can make even the best-intentioned worker feel distant and out-of-place in family times of worship. A scary question to ask a youth worker is whether they would choose the church they work at for personal worship if they weren’t, in fact, working there.

If a youth or childrens’ worker is rarely in the gathering to receive from God, be challenged by others, add fellowship as a community-member and not just as a leader, then what happens to their own growth?

My concern is that there are a significant number of youth and children’s workers who always feel ‘on’ on a Sunday time of gathered worship, to such the degree that they don’t feel part of the worshipping community that God has called them to. Not only does this make them less effective, but it stunts their own personal growth and spiritual accountability.

So, what can we do about it?

Line-mangers take this seriously. Your youth and children’s workers need worship and fellowship. Make it happen. Do you know what your worker is doing?

Pastors take this seriously. Have you bought into a church culture where a small number of employed people are paid to ‘provide’ a service for others to consume? Are you also not part of the body?

Volunteers take this seriously. Step up to take responsibility so that the worker can delegate more effectively. Do you know where your worker is struggling?

Youth worker take this seriously. Your faith and your family come first, and both require a community of worshippers to belong with. Do you feel you belong?

 

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Let’s talk about toxic people…

*Deep breath*

‘Toxic people’ in and of itself, is a toxic phrase. It can too easily lead us to write off huge swaths of needy, afraid, and hurting people by cavalierly labelling them and subsequently downgrading their social status in our minds. That seems a wee bit rude does it not?

So, let’s start with that. Not all ‘toxic people’ are actually toxic people, we just need to learn to be kinder, more understanding, and actively compassionate. Foibles, bad habits, eccentricities, personality differences, or slow personal growth don’t necessarily make someone ‘toxic.’

Some people are not toxic people at all, they are just ill-fitting in the positions we have them in. Because of this they can come across as disruptive, clumsy, inept, rude, dismissive, or even borderline abusive. These can sometimes be signs of a good person in the wrong role, rather than a toxic person just being toxic. Maybe have the conversation?

Some people are not toxic but are neurodivergent in a way you might not recognise – and they might not either. Educate yourself and shift your habits and attitudes with them.

Some people are not toxic people, you just don’t like them. That’s fine at one level as long as you’re able to look it in the face, try to understand the nature of it, try to live with it respectfully… and maybe try fix it.

Other toxic people are only a little bit toxic. This is often because they are hurt, fearful or a mixture of both. To defend themselves they might have adopted some ‘toxic’ habits such as storytelling (nice word for lying), attention seeking, projecting, gossiping, exaggerating, judging, showing a general lack of awareness or empathy, having an increased obsession with conspiracy, needing to be ‘in the know’, being constantly passive-aggressive, being highly critical or controlling, fixating on irrelevant details, having an unpredictable or reactive character, or even just being a bit rude.

There are some toxic habits, that even people who are just a little bit toxic could have, that are always inappropriate in a youth club setting. These include being prone to anger, having a threatening posture (or actively making threats), being highly interrogative or openly hostile. That person is to be removed from leadership immediately.

Some toxic people are not actually toxic people; however, they might be – genuinely – toxic to us. There might be behaviour patterns, personality clashes or conversational habits that trigger us in various ways. Sometimes we need to recognise this and learn to deal with it, other times we need to remove ourselves from these people. Note, that’s not removing them from us. It’s our stuff, not theirs.

Some people are actually toxic people, but only at certain times or on certain topics. It might be you can gently nudge them during periods of non-toxic lucidity or try to limit their exposure to toxic-behaviour triggers (assuming you’re in a position to do so).

Some people are toxic because they’re just really, really hurt. You don’t have to give them any say or authority over your life, but you also can’t control how they feel. Pray for them, and – If you can/it doesn’t put you in harm’s way – gently nudge them towards help.

Some people are toxic because they simply haven’t learned to be mindful or own their feelings. This is an abstract idea we usually develop in childhood, but things like trauma can really mess with that. This makes taking responsibility, apologising, or being empathetic very difficult for them. That’s really sad.

Toxic people are not necessarily ‘bad’ people, and they’re not even always wrong. Recognise your own habits around them and apologise when you should.

You might even be a toxic person in some form. Due to your own hurts or fears you might draw unnecessary attention to yourself, be drawn to create conflict, desire to pull others into your fantasies, demonstrate a lack of empathy, struggle with severe jealousy or paranoia. It’s worth looking these things honestly in the face and seeking help. It’s ok. Really. I’ve had my own struggles and we’re all broken people. Clearing toxic behaviour from your life is part of growing to become more like Jesus. Remember, God is good and there’s always help to be had.

Some people are toxic people medically, but without a diagnosis. They could be sociopathic, narcissistic, or even psychopathic – but without a formal understanding or any clinical support. This is tricky, and it’s worth knowing that – unless you’re actually a doctor – you’re not a doctor. It’s not appropriate for you to make a diagnosis of their chronic mental health for them or to others. However, tread with care and think about how to limit your exposure to them, and their exposure to vulnerable people. I think I’ve met maybe two or three people in this category and boy, did they cause some damage pretty much everywhere they went.

Some people are actually, clinically toxic – although that’s the wrong word. It would more likely be that they have some kind of Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). Make sure you have some form of risk assessment for individuals like this to limit their exposure to vulnerable people in your care and take a personal inventory on what place they should have in your life. More on that towards the end.

Properly toxic people can be dangerous, not just disruptive. They can be exploitive, irresponsible, and manipulative. They often lack empathy, guilt, remorse, or concern, and don’t learn from their mistakes. These are not people who should be leading in your groups. In this case, it may actually be better to have a messy removal than to continue putting people at risk.

You can manage your interactions with toxic people by taking care not to be drawn into their versions of reality, carefully but starkly challenging narratives (ideally by being frank, but without being personal), working through some conflict resolution with them, or even seeking mediation.

More personally, be mindful about how a toxic person makes you feel, try to care for them but remember it’s not your responsibility to fix them. Feel comfortable saying no, putting yourself first, unfollowing, unfriending, blocking, or even walking away. Pick your battles, focus on your own joys and positives. Be clear about your expectations, set clear boundaries and stick to them. Be friendly but pragmatic. Bottom line: Don’t take it personally.

Be aware of how much emotional energy you give to toxic people. We want to be a listening ear and a loving support, but if a person is fixated on creating negative environments, complaining constantly, demanding more empathy or sympathy all of the time, being openly distrustful, hijacking agendas with severe personal troubles, and largely failing to contribute anything healthy to your life or team, then they will suck you dry and leave you constantly exhausted if you let them. Love, pray, set boundaries and keep to them.

If you think you’ve got a toxic leader, move wisely. Discuss your situation with a line-manager or supervisor. Make objective notes on the behaviours that trouble you. If you and your supervisor agree there is a risk to vulnerable people or the functioning of the team, then start to put a plan together to address the person’s behaviour, and – if necessary – remove them from leadership.

Remember: God is always good; we’re all broken; we’re designed to live in healthy community; the world isn’t always helpful; we’re not called to do this alone; we can’t control how people feel; we should be mindful of our emotions and behaviours; messy is a better choice than messier; lead with love; always lead with love; seek compassion, and again – lead with love. You might be wrong. So, lead with love!

*Phew*.

 

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