Why youth workers sometimes need to switch off

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I have a cat. At most levels she is a normal, run-of-the-mill cat. White, fluffy, purry – the whole cat-esq shebang. But she harbours a dark secret – and that is she’s a psychotic lunatic freak with macabre pastimes and dangerous hobbies.

Let me explain. Luna (the cat) hunts mice. Normal enough, right? However, Luna can bring home (and eat) seven mice a day… that we know of. If that wasn’t bad enough, she doesn’t eat the whole mouse. She eats everything but the head, which she likes to leave on our doorstep. I assume as a warning to other mice – or just as a talking point for the postman.

Luna also loves to play with string. Again, normal right? But Luna will purposely spin in a circle chasing string over and over and over again, until she becomes so dizzy, that she stumbles around drunk, and then promptly falls over.

Youth workers can be just like my cat!

Through one lens we can look exactly like every other youth worker. We play games, we teach using creative object lessons, we wear ripped jeans, and we grow soul patches. We look like we’re doing this thing ‘normally.’ But under the surface, many youth workers – including at times, myself, are self-destructive, narcissistic, people-pleasing, terrified-of-our-own-shadow nightmares!

We have to be doing stuff – constantly. Stopping and considering or even appreciating is rarely on the cards. If there’s space, we have to fill it: An empty room? Run around throwing loo roll! A quiet space? Yell loudly! A sparse calendar. Fill it entirely!

Is this you? Then you’re running hot – and you’re gonna blow!

Some of this is certainly fear-driven. We get fearful that people aren’t having a good time, or fearful that the pastor isn’t happy with our job performance, etc. Fear is a huge motivator. I think there’s another reason though and that is that we just don’t know any better.

The self-perpetuating model of youth worker burnout

Most youth work in the UK is done by volunteers, and the large majority of paid youth workers have had no formal training. For most of us, we learned youth work from ‘the guy who went before.’ What I mean by this is that many youth workers learned youth work from their youth worker – with some tips picked up from festival and event youth workers along the way.

So, if these youth workers were ‘always on’ then we’re probably just perpetuating the same poor practice. More likely, however, we only ever witnessed them in full-on youth worker mode at projects, and then assumed ‘that’s just what being a youth worker looks like.’

Then there’s a theological reason too. Since the late 1940s we’ve been reading books and attending seminars telling us that as ‘incarnational youth workers’ we’re supposed to always be on. Our door should always be open, our phone always switched on, and young people should feel free to demand our energy whenever they feel like it.

Since this time, however, and especially since the 1980s, it’s been really hard to convince youth workers to stick around for very long. Very rarely will a youth worker work beyond one contract before moving on to something else. All of the youth workers I knew from growing up are not youth workers anymore.

There’s a lot of reasons for that, but I believe there’s more than just a subtle corelation between overexertion in youth work, and time spent in youth work.

So, switching off?

Why do you need to switch off? Because you will burn out if you don’t. We know this, but we don’t really know it.

We don’t really know the importance of regular, consistent days off.

We don’t really know the importance of booking and taking holidays.

We don’t really know the importance of switching off notifications.

We don’t really know the importance of hobbies, friends, and activities away from youth work.

Those who work these things out (and so do know) are those who keep going! But even they still need occasional reminding. There are others who know the importance of these things too though, and that’s those who have already burned out.

I could have phrased it ‘we don’t really know the consequences of not…’ Consequences on our health, our marriage, our kids, our sleep, our friendships, our hairlines, or even our job effectiveness. Exertion in does not mean quality out.

So, let me just end there – using a language we can all get:

Youth workers sometimes need to switch off because they won’t be very good at youthwork if they don’t.

Food for thought.

 

Photo by Isabella and Louisa Fischer on Unsplash

Are you a walking wounded youth worker?

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Bent double over the dining table, trying desperately to plan out a term of meaningful, life-changing projects. Feeling the crushing weight of irony that nothing has felt meaningful or life-changing for a while. You can’t work.

Lying in bed cradling your pillow tightly against your head, staying unnaturally still, holding muscles tense, heart beating in your throat. Replaying conversations and rehearing soundbites of conflicts never satisfactorily solved. You can’t sleep.

Hearing an email tone on your laptop and immediately starting to breathe harder and lose concentration as palpable dread squeezes itself unwelcomed into your psyche. You see it’s just spam then sigh deeply with tangible relief. You can’t switch off.

Moving your head around and around, pinching at various points where your spine meets your skull, trying to release a pressure that has become constant and subversive. Eyes closed, seeking momentary relief looking to remember a time when you weren’t aching. You can’t stop hurting.

Does any of this sound familiar? You might be one of the many walking wounded youth workers.

Adrenaline – The youth worker drug

It was eventually on doctor’s orders that I moved on from my first ministry position. I was a young, inexperienced youth worker in a deeply unhealthy church. I wasn’t able to handle the constant presence of conflict, which manifested as an ever-present and continuously growing shame.

When shame takes root, all decisions become clouded with fear. When you live with fear as a reactionary constant, then adrenaline production becomes part of your body’s usual function. Once you flood a system with adrenaline for more than a few days at a time, the body begins to shut down. Tension headaches, fatigue, insomnia, even dizziness and blackouts soon follow. The cute word for this is ‘stress’, yet the more biologically sound phrase would be impending total meltdown.

When your heart is filled with shame, your reactions driven by fear, your system full of adrenaline, and your biology ruled by stress, then the result is something a little akin to depression – you numb up, and you seize up.

I’m a guitarist, and one of my favourite sound effects is ‘compression.’ What compression does is boost lower signals and limit stronger ones, so quieter guitar strums are made louder and louder strums made quieter – compressing everything into a smaller spectrum for a consistent sound. This happens to humans too; bad things are amplified into unbearable constants, and amazing things diluted and dulled into insignificance.

This is also a little like coming off an addiction. You crash and you crash hard. When the character Matt Albie from Aaron Sorkin’s comedy-drama ‘Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip’ comes off pills, he is told “Miss America could stand in front of you naked and hand you a Pulitzer Prize and you’d be depressed.”

Personally, you might become strongly combative and comparative, glibly writing swaths of people off for mundane things. You could become personally hurt by some peers’ successes, and quietly revel in the downfall of others.

Spiritually, God seems to go quiet, worship ineffectual, prayer hollow and echoey, and true passion becomes a distant memory. The natural result is that you become not very good at your job – so you try harder, fail more, and hurt more.

Any of this sound familiar? You might be one of the many walking wounded youth workers.

The Walking Wounded

I’ve met so many youth workers with stories of work-related hurt, rejection, stress and loss. Some stories are past tense, yet with an obvious weight still carried around their neck like a milestone on a chain. Others happen in real time. I regularly meet youth workers who are, knowingly or unknowingly, the walking wounded.

Is it you? If so, it’s time to act.

If you’re trapped in a job that is literally draining your health, disempowering your work, abating your healthy relationships, and sucking dry your connection with God then that is not ok.

It’s not normal, and it’s not ok. At least not for any prolonged period of time.

Sure ‘it’s ok to not be ok’ – fine, but staying trapped is a bad plan for getting ok again.

God called you to thrive in your mission and ministry through a network of healthy relationships, empowering and releasing worship, connecting church membership, and a growing, accountable connection to authority.

If this isn’t happening, then something somewhere has to give.

Wounds or scars?

When I was a walking wounded youth worker, I remembered these lyrics from Simon and Garfunkel’s seminal song ‘The Boxer’, and felt painful empathy. Even today they bring a tear to my eye, and a heavy lump to my throat when I remember just how it felt to carry those wounds:

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev’ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains

The hardest thing about carrying wounds is to take the necessary steps to allow the wounds to heal. Treatment is often uncomfortable, awkward, painful, and even debilitating for a time. You have to trust yourself to others, become vulnerable and exposed, and make big decisions that acknowledge and repair the hurt.

Deep wounds will often leave a scar, but a scar is not a wound. It’s a reminder of pain – and that can hurt too – but it’s not the same as real-time pain.

For me, even when I left a difficult job, I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – so I would relive rather than just remember the pain – keeping the wounds from scaring. It wasn’t until a few years later that I saw a therapist and started to address them properly that the hurt began to change shape.

Without treatment, wounds won’t become scars, they will remain as wounds, and you will continue to be the walking wounded, then the crawling wounded, and ultimately just the wounded.

What can you do?

  • It might be you need a clarifying, honest, and vulnerable conversation with your leadership.
  • You could think about talking to a professional therapist or person-centred counsellor.
  • You could list your aims and objectives and think – honestly – about what needs to change to see them happen.
  • You could try to measure your work against realistic and achievable outcomes.
  • You could take your days off and holidays more consistently. Turn your phone off for a while.
  • You could mentally recategorise your work context from local ministry to hostile mission.
  • There might be conferences, networks, and support groups to connect with.

OR…

You might just need to get out.

At some point the poop needs to hit the fan. As much as I value and respect youth workers who say they want to be in it for the long haul, that long haul doesn’t begin if you’re always in defence mode. You can be in a position for ten years and not see any growth or maturity.

You might need a conversation.

I’m happy to chat (timgoughuk@gmail.com), but better somebody who knows you well. Pray. Think. Talk.

 

Photo by Dan Burton on Unsplash

Mental Health and Youth Ministry – on the IVP Blog

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This was first published here on the IVP blog.

When I was 14, one of my best friends was Daniel. I didn’t know Daniel was clinically depressed or that his random outbursts were actually early signs of bipolar disorder. I didn’t understand that it wasn’t normal that Daniel’s room only contained a mattress, a guitar and a pile of black hoodies. All I knew was he was fun and unique to be around, and that he had an unusually broad talent for music.

We drifted apart over the years, so it came as a huge shock to me when he was found in a flat, dead at age 23, after swallowing a mix of alcohol and methadone.

Daniel was a disruption to the classroom environment. He was always in trouble and – as far as I know – had no-one working with him to identify or work with his root causes. To me though, Daniel was just a mate who I’ll never see again.

I’d like to think that I’m a passionate advocate for mental health. At least I believe that we neither spend enough or research enough to develop treatment for those who really struggle.

The NHS says that one in four adults and one in ten children will experience mental health problems, however only a small amount of the NHS budget has been historically set aside for mental health research, diagnosis or treatment. This is getting better (£11.9 billion in 2017/18), but the waiting lists are still too long, and the medical opinions between departments are still too rampantly inconsistent.

Could we, as youth workers and as Church, develop programs that genuinely support young people with poor mental health? After all, this is not something we might encounter as youth workers; we will encounter it and we should be prepared.

This is a vast landscape, and anything we can do needs focus, so let’s start with what we are not.

1. We are not doctors

As mental health is dialled up to 11 in the media, and the – much-needed – mission to re-educate the public on its seriousness is highlighted, pop-psychology has been dialled up too, and genuine illnesses are in danger of being sensationalised as almost fashionable.

Some have become reactionary to basic terms and there are thousands of websites and videos where you can be ‘self-diagnosed’. Some of these are helpful, but many are not. With the internet being the shape it is, we have no way of knowing if the guy at the other end of the keyboard is an actual MD, or a college drop-out sitting on his parents’ couch with a can of Monster and ill-fitting pyjamas.

With this as our main source of information, and without medical training, we too could fall into to the trap of cavalierly ‘diagnosing’ young people with mental health conditions. Even if we have been through clinical treatment ourselves, we shouldn’t be telling kids what they do and don’t have as if we were trained experts.

We’re not psychologists, psychiatrists, key-workers, or mental health nurses. Our job is not treatment, it’s support. We should follow medical advice, and refer young people to professionals.
We should help them get the help they need, and sometimes that help is simply not us.

2. We are not them

Empathy is a powerful tool in ministry. Being able to legitimately say, ‘yes, I’ve been in that hole and I know the way out’ can be really helpful. However, assuming we understand a young person’s mental health just because we have had a similar experience is not always the best route to take. It can easily lead to unhealthy over-dependency at one end of the spectrum, or a blank wall of rejection at the other.

Every young person struggling with mental health is different. We should let young people speak freely about their own condition, and help us to understand what they need and how they like to talk about it.

Our job is to support each young person’s individual needs as best we can, and partner up with family, key-workers, teachers, and doctors to create a consistent experience of boundaries and support.

3. We are not alone

It’s easy to get frustrated by conditions that we can’t understand, but our job isn’t to fix young people – it’s to lead them to Jesus. There are few things that do this better than creating a safe place of love and security in our ministries.

We’re not in this alone. We live in the community of faith surrounded by quality, compassionate people who – when we truly serve each other – create a unique place of acceptance and healing.

As youth ministers, it’s important that we don’t hold burdens for young people alone. We should have accountability in place where we can debrief and share with a select group of trusted people. This could be pastors, line-managers, counsellors, or a network of other practitioners.

We also have the Holy Spirit living in us; the very presence of Jesus. We are not in this alone, and we can love as He first loved us, and create safe places for struggling young people. We should begin by trusting God, supporting each other, and from that place of strength – loving young people.

 

Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

5 Types of criticism that I’ll always ignore… or at least try to

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Exactly a year ago I wrote a post called ‘7 Ways Not To Complain To Your Youth Worker’. As a result I received comments and messages from other youth leaders that had gone through the same things. Some of the stories they shared were just heartbreaking.

This made me realise that we’re not done with this topic yet.

Critique is vital to health; it’s so important to have an objectivity about the work that we do, and a humble perspective on the difference between ‘God’s’ work and ‘ours.’ We need to keep ourselves accountable to trusted, godly men and women who will feedback with clarity and gentleness on our ministries. We need to be open to challenge so that we can truly grow as teachable and dependable ministers of the gospel.

Without an openness to healthy critique, we are just asking to fail.

However…

What do you do when the feedback is poorly given, ill-conceived, spiritually dangerous, or just personally stupid?

I don’t mean what do you do if you don’t like or agree with the feedback. There’s lots of stuff that we won’t like or agree with that will contain nuggets of truth that we need to listen to. This is a post, however, on how to identify feedback that needs to be left by the door.

I recently (ish) received some ‘feedback’ that was hurtful and – frankly – just wrong. As a result I spoke to some friends that I genuinely trust for their perspective – trying to find out if there was some truth that I couldn’t hear because of my upset. One of these guys said to me that he believed some feedback was a form of abuse, and needed to be disregarded quickly before it stuck.

Some critique must not be allowed room to breath.

So I’ve called this ‘5 forms of criticism that I’ll always ignore.’ A more honest title however, would be ‘5 forms of criticism that I’ll try to ignore’ or ‘5 forms of criticism that I really really should ignore.’ The truth is I’m human, and if you get punched to the gut, it hurts!

Hopefully, however, we can all team up on this, and support each other by identifying some kinds of criticism that really don’t need to be taken seriously. If there are nuggets of truth, we need to pray and ask God to reveal those to us in healthy ways that we can action unconditionally. Some feedback, however, needs to be named and shamed, and not even given time of day.

Hostage feedback

This is feedback that won’t let you off the hook. It’s forceful, repetitive, and needs very specific agreements. Feedback that holds you hostage usually comes in the form of a conversation that’s impossible to leave. ‘Thank you very much, I’ll go away think about it’ just doesn’t work.

When someone holds you hostage to their feedback, they’re expecting very particular agreements to what they’re saying, and very specific and immediate appropriation of their suggestions. It’s all on their terms. The ransom is only paid in complete submission and total surrender to their opinion.

If the person giving you feedback doesn’t respond appropriately to your need to go away and process it, then – rudely if necessary – turn and walk away.

Delivered via gossip

Thirdhand, or ‘gossip’ feedback, is when someone is hoping you’ll hear their criticism without getting their fingerprints on it. Criticism via gossip means they have spoken to everyone but you. The most hideous form of this is when it arrives on your doorstep via your wife, your husband, or your kids.

Gossip is an issue that needs to be tackled at the pastor level; however it is worth identifying the source, approaching them directly, and getting them to tell you their problem eye-to-eye. It’s always important to call gossip out, otherwise it festers and continues.

Without proper examination

I recently received feedback from someone I’ve never spoken to before that questioned my very relationship with God after they walked out of my session three minutes in. Not only did they leave with the exact opposite point that was delivered, but they made huge assumptions and bold assertions with very little information. There was no questions, no listening, and no attempt to understand. It was an attack – quite literally – on nonexistent content.

This particular feedback was given in anger (which isn’t always a problem) and was fuelled by significant misunderstanding. In this case I really struggled to let it go as it called my faith in God to account. So I sent my recorded talk to several friends who are theologically solid and not afraid to challenge me. They left with the opposite impression than the person who left early. Their feedback suggested a personal trigger, rather than a problem in the content.

If any feedback given doesn’t flow from the information that was available, then it’s probably fuelled by something else – something that’s personal to the individual. Don’t digest it – it’s probably not about you.

Overgeneralised and unspecific feedback

‘You’re always doing this’, or ‘you’ve never been like that’, or even ‘that project you run is total shambles!’ I’ve had all three of those.

Feedback, and especially criticism, needs to be given in love with the hope of edification and correction. This means it needs prior thought and careful steps before delivery. Usually overgeneralised and unspecific feedback means there is simply a difference of opinion – maybe they just don’t like you!

My response is usually ‘sorry, I can’t work with that, can you bring me a particular circumstance or tell me a specific example.’ If they can’t – leave it behind.

Overreaching feedback

2+2 equals a sack of bananas, right? Overreaching feedback points to a problem, then makes a totally inappropriate conclusion. Like someone saying you need to rethink your relationship with God… because there was a broken window at youth club.

In a previous position, someone complained in our eldership meeting that I didn’t want to go on their suggested safeguarding course. Their conclusion was that it was inappropriate for the church to hire a youth worker who wasn’t trained in safeguarding. Of course I had done lots safeguarding training, I just didn’t like the particular flavour of the course they were suggesting.

Feedback should flow between problem, consequence, and solution. If there is serious disconnect, then disregard.

But what if they’re right?!?

And here is my big problem! I don’t disregard a lot of feedback that comes in these various ways because I want to be open to change and growth. I don’t want to be a feedback snob! And there could be valid criticism buried beneath all that goop!

However, I have my whole life the work on problems, and I know that my work is held accountable to people who’ve earned the right to speak into it. I’ve regularly got things to work on, and all of my work is held accountable to a manager, a broad, a team, good friends, and committed mentors. This affords me the space to be discerning about when feedback is given inappropriately.

So don’t be afraid feedback – surround yourself with people who love you, are smarter than you, and are not afraid to hold you accountable. If you have a system in place for healthy criticism you won’t need to jump at every wagging finger.

In a future post we will consider these five areas again, but in reverse – and talk about more appropriate ways to give feedback.

Thanks for reading!

You mean I’m not God? A 10 step guide to the youth worker power trip.

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Let’s be honest kids, being a youth worker can give you a delicious feeling of power.

As the cool teacher, relatable counsellor, replacement parent, uber best-friend, and sassy sage figure, its easy to come away from interacting with your young people feeling all powerful. I mean, you get to teach what you want, give poignant advice to hormone-ridden and desperate young people, while simultaneously beating them at all their favourite games, and letting off an all-knowing air.

You can shape theology, guide political affiliations, and even mould dreams and aspirations. You can cut down with a word and build up with a look. You can even design exactly what you think God should look like to them.

This is the responsibility of a teacher for sure (James ____) but it’s more than that. A youth worker is put into a much broader, potentially life-shaping context with the most vulnerable and impressionable people imaginable. It’s easy to make yourself their sole spiritual, mental and emotional guide.

So, here are ten easy things to remember next time you start coming over all Gody:

  1. Just don’t.

Let God be God, and you be the big arrow that points to God. When that arrow starts turning inward, run away screaming.

 

  1. Let other people teach

Allow other voices to speak into their lives; don’t let it all come down to you.

 

  1. Be accountable to people who know how to hold you accountable

Don’t have yes-men mentors. Look instead for people who know how to ask you the uncomfortable questions like, ‘have you been acting like God today?’

 

  1. Don’t set up teachers for failure

Don’t start every sentence with ‘your teachers don’t know what they’re talking about because…’ On some occasions that’ll be true, but don’t pretend you know everything about everything, especially when the teacher isn’t there to defend themselves.

 

  1. Don’t set them against their parents

Very similarly, make sure that you are working with parents and not against them. Parents are not always perfect, but it’s not doing anyone favours by gossiping about them to their kids to make you look coolers.

 

  1. Say you don’t know

Don’t waffle and make stuff up when you don’t know what you’re talking about. ‘Always have an answer…’ in PETER ___ doesn’t mean pretend you know everything. You’re not all-knowing; say you don’t know and ask what they think. Explore together.

 

  1. Keep tight control of your boundaries

Don’t be omniscient – by which I mean always available. Keep to your working hours and days off.  Keep your personal numbers personal, and don’t drop everything to be available.

 

  1. Point to other resources and connect to other people

Your job is to facilitate the young people within the Body of Christ, so do just that. All roads should not point back to you, but they can converge on you as you help them connect to awesome resources and people that can do what you can’t

 

  1. Remember who your God is

Keep your relationship with God fuelled and growing. Keeping yourself in humble perspective with Him should help you stay in the healthy human zone.

 

  1. Don’t be an ass

When things don’t go your way, deal with it like a person, not an overly-justice-obsessed wrath mongerer. You’re not perfect, nobody is. Conflicts will happen and mistakes will too – get on with things. Apologise, forgive, move on, and be that big arrow that points back to God.

42 things NOT to say to a youth worker… that have ACTUALLY been said

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  1. When are you going to get into proper ministry?
  2. When are you going to be a real pastor?
  3. It must be great to get paid to just play with kids!
  4. What do you do all week?
  5. What is your job, job? I mean like, real job, like how do you like you know make money?
  6. How about taking on the Children’s ministry too?
  7. God told me some things about you. But I’m not going to tell you what it was
  8. Why do you need a vacation? You just spent a week at camp with the students!
  9. Does you wife play the piano?
  10. I’m too old to help out with the youth group
  11. Can you fix my son/daughter?
  12. I have an old [*insert random piece of crap here]… you can have it if you pick it up… and maybe give a ‘token donation’
  13. We had to write a paper in class about our hero, so I wrote you’re name at the top…..then I couldn’t think of anything else to write so I erased it and wrote a paper about my dad instead
  14. You’re the youth pastor? I thought you were a student/new youth pastor’s son/married to the youth pastor.
  15. I know the deadline was last week but can I still go to camp tomorrow ?
  16. Oh I saw something on tv yesterday…was it Joel Osteen or was it Joyce Meyers…mmm Ill find it and send you a link.
  17. *End of the Summer,* Pastor says “You really need to work on getting your numbers up! Btw, our kids have ball games so we wont be there this week”
  18. *Kid gets scholarship to go to camp,* “Sorry, I wont be able to go to camp, we’re going to Disney that week”
  19. I won’t be at youth on Wednesday, I’m going on a first date to see Deadpool.
  20. You need to make those kids behave” – after the kids have been yelled at by that adult.
  21. So, do you play guitar? Can you sing? No? Are you really a youth pastor?
  22. Your messages are great and stuff, but they want to play more games.
  23. I’m not going to send my kid to student ministries because (while I’ve never checked your program out) I’m pretty sure all you do is play games and never open the bible!
  24. So when are you going to get married and have kids of your own?
  25. “Are you married?” “No..” “Oh, better get on that..”
  26. Well here’s the thing, the old youth pastor used to…
  27. The way we used to do things was…
  28. It worked when I was doing youth ministry (40 years ago).
  29. A parent concerned about the safety of a game lectures you for a solid 10 minutes saying “I think you need to pray about it” at least 7 times.
  30. We need you to start focusing more on the ‘core kids’ who’s parents tithe rather than the kids who come to church by themselves.
  31. The Youth Pastors’ job is the most important job in the church because it’s his job to go out into the community to find teenagers to bring into our church, and then their parents will come, and then they will tithe.
  32. “I didn’t know anything about that,” (after verbal announcements, social media posts, email, remind app).
  33. I see you’ve lost your razor.
  34. Are we doing anything fun tonight?
  35. Where is everybody?
  36. Could you recruit some kids to ____________ this weekend? We’re not going to pay them or anything, we just need some extra workers.
  37. Isn’t that what we hired you for? (Following a request for volunteers)
  38. Can you get my child saved at camp this weekend?
  39. (Parent, after child’s baptism), “well, your work is finished.”
  40. My son is doing this, this, this, this, this, this and that. I want you to talk to him about it but don’t tell him I told you.
  41. You’re 40? Isn’t it time you move on to something else.
  42. I thought you lived in the bell tower.

Top 8 Reasons Why Youth Workers Burn Out

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Youth worker burnout is a very real issue. In the UK youth workers last an average of 2 years in a position, and around 3-5 years in total before throwing in the towel.

I spent some time with a great youth worker yesterday who has put some real energy into properly researching this dilemma, and has made some very helpful observations. He has agreed to write up his findings for us – so watch this space!

Now our appetite is whet, I thought I’d compile a list of what I think are the top reasons Christian youth workers burn out. Enjoy!

1. Expected to be each Biblical office

Is the youth worker an elder, pastor, teacher, apostle, evangelist, prophet, deacon, or overseer? The truth is that this will depend on the unique sensibilities of each role in context, however most youth work positions expect their worker to most if not all of them!

The problem is that the gifts and personality types of an evangelist are very different to pastor-teacher. The same is true for elder and apostle, prophet and deacon – there is a reason they are distinct roles within the church, and why it’s unhealthy (for ministry and minster) to be all of them at once.

As a pioneer will be frustrated, and likely to cause damage trying to be a pastor-teacher, and an evangelist will not have patience for the polity behind elder, you’re heading for an emotional car wreck trying to contort yourself into these positions.

2. Mixed or no accountability / management

A common problem youth workers complain about is an unclear line of management. In some cases the management structure can be so arbitrary that everyone in the church tries to fill the void and become ‘the boss.’

Parents, kids, elders, pastors, wardens, caretakers – can all try to hold you accountable to their own standards and particular sets of expectations, whether or not they are in your job description, or conflict with the other 300 people you are trying to please.

In other scenarios you have a line-manager, but in reality they are trying to mentor you. Or you have a line manager who is also the Senior Pastor, thus has conflicting aims when you meet.

In *this post* I argue for a threefold structure of manager, pastor and mentor, which – when communicated properly to a church – is surely the healthiest model.

3. Isolation

Youth workers are often mavericks, and can find themselves easily in the role of ‘lone solider.’ Timetables are full, friends are few, and most of the time is spent with people in a completely different stage of life than you.

Youth workers need friends who are totally unrelated to their work – and youth workers need to know other youth workers.

Making the effort to get to network days and training are essential, as is carving out the time for just going out with mates.

There’s a lot of lonely youth workers out there, lets take it seriously.

4. Unrealistic expectations

I was also told a story yesterday of a youth worker who was expected to double her youth group numbers in six months. Really? Then there are training manuals and courses that leave you with the impression that you should be ‘always on’ for the young people and ‘make every opportunity count.’

A lot of these expectations come out of poor management. Having real goals that genuinely make sense of working hours and are regularly evaluated is key. As is holding the youth worker accountable to their working week, holidays and days off.

Focus, identify clear objectives, work to your resources, build a healthy team, take your time off, have a life and settle in for the long haul.

5. Having no idea what they’re doing

This might be the biggest issue. Youth workers, let’s admit it, we don’t have a clue! We’re expected to understand and relate to the monstrous and mysterious beast known as ‘youth culture,’ develop professional plans to execute sophisticated projects, and hold in tension conflict, personality types and genuine spiritual needs, emotional abuse and organic community.

We are expected to be team managers and recruiters, teachers and trainers, counsellors and mentors, sociologists and missiologists, scholars and facilitators – and expected to look like we’re none of these things so we can ‘fit in’ with the young people. Usually a youth worker has up to 1 year of training to learn all these areas where genuine practitioners have spent half their lives in school to develop.

We don’t know what we’re doing!

This can be helped by defining the role and having realistic expectaitons. It can also be resolved through ongoing training, professional development and support. Mostly however, we just need to hold tight to the expert… which is God.

6. Forgetting who God is

This is, unfortunately, probably the saddest, but most frequent. It can be propagated by all the above, and exacerbated by a lack of genuine spiritual mentoring and accountability, but mostly it just results from being tired all the time.

In my experience youth workers tend to be badly trained in how to use their Bibles. This means a shaky foundation and an especially insecure problem-solving mechanism. Without having a solid understanding of where their role comes from, and what is needed when the rubber hits the road, the proof-texting they have grown up with tires and leaves them wanting.

The worst thing is starting to forget what God’s voice sounds like, so you stop recognising him when he leads, warns and protects you. The security fails, the passion dies up, you start to feel guilty, believe you’re a fraud – and give up.

The most important thing a youth worker should take seriously is their own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Before you are a youth worker, you are a child of God. When that turns round – so does everything else.

7.Just getting bored

I sometimes wonder if the reason that youth workers come across as so wildly creative is that they’re just desperately trying to break the monotony.

On the surface, youth work looks like a lot of activity, and it is but I’ve found that for every hour of creative fun, theres two-three hours of planning and then at least an hour of cleanup. Because you’re working with volunteers, this can often be alone and repetitive.

Add to this a lot of written work, planning, management, conflict resolution and reporting, it can start to get to you. Then you need to consider that you are spending your time dialoging with people of a very different maturity and life experience, having the same four of five conversations.

8. Low pay

Ok, this is going to sound weird but it’s true. Youth workers get paid usually less than entry-level teachers for a similar job, expectation set, and working hours; and we all know teachers don’t get paid enough!

There, of course, is a pastoral humility required for ministry, a lack of material desire, and I’m not sure that the youth worker should be paid more than most of the congregation. However, for such a stressful job, the low pay can put a massive amount of pressure on the youth worker’s family.

This can affect a lot of life choices: Does my spouse also need to work full time? Can we afford to have children? My biggest stresses throughout my youth work career has been a secure place to live (we’ve had to move six times) and maintaining a car (been through seven in five years). We also once went two years without more than a half a tub of hot water a day and no heating. With a very unwell life, this was insane!

I know a lot of youth workers who survive off credit – lease-agreement cars, back-paying bills, and crazy mortgages – just so they can maintain a family alongside their work. I know it’s a difficult economy, but churches should carefully look into how their youth worker is living and consider the church’s responsibility for them.

Staying Healthy At Soul Survivor

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Soul Survivor is epic. Awesome. I love it! It’s not a ‘perfect’ camp, and has made some mistakes, but if it was perfect then I wouldn’t be allowed to go – and quite rightly. I’ve been leading groups to Soul Survivor for years now, and it consistently draws us together as a group, and deepens our collective and individual relationships with God. This will be my 9th or 10th trip leading… I forget.

One of the things I’ve learned the hard way is how to keep your group – and yourself – healthy! This is really important. I used to think ‘it’s only 5 days, and it’s camping anyway – let’s rough it!’ And there is ‘some’ truth to that. If you want your kids to have the fullest possible experience, however, there are some dangers to look out for.

Soul Survivor is a bit of a melting pot. Groups gathering from all over the country with all their local plagues in a field. And the ‘free hugs’ guy doesn’t help either! You mix cold, damp, lack-of-sleep, high-energy activity, emotional intensity and homesickness into that and you have a propagator for some real issues.

Bad health can also cloud and disrupt genuine experiences with God. God moves in powerful ways at Soul Survivor – but just a tiny bit of rational thinking will say ‘no wonder everyone’s crying in this emotional-physical-spiritual mass of bodies!’ God does move(!), but we should do all we can to keep people healthy so they can take stock and carry those God-experiences into the rest of their lives.

God always gives meaning and clarity to his experiences, but if all we remember is ‘the feeling’ without any content, then there was probably something else mixed in. Something easily preventable and solvable, that – as youth leaders – we can manage.

There are two ‘Ds’ that the medical tents deal with every year: Dehydration and Damp. I’m an experienced camper, climber and first-aider, and don’t exaggerate one bit when I say these two are the two biggest killers in the mountains.

Dehydration

This one sounds simple but gets really serious! Not getting enough fluid in – and loosing more through sweating (heat & activity) means your body’s natural mineral balance goes out of wack. The salts, sugars and natural joint lubrication deteriorate leaving your bodies immune system in overdrive.

This is often accompanied by vomiting… next to your cooking tent!

You know you’re dehydrated if you start getting dizzy or a bit lightheaded, tired at strange times, and are not peeing much – or when you do it’s a dark (and smelly) colour! Oh – and you might feel thirsty and dry too – but not necessarily.

So drink! Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! We don’t let any of our group leave our camp village without seeing their full bottle of water or squash. They get into the habit right away and keep it all week. They have a full drink with each of their meals and go to bed with a full bottle too.

Even if you – or they – don’t feel thirsty. Have a bottle and sip, especially on those long hot afternoons.

Damp

I once had a lad get his onesie soaked in the rain – and – leave his tent windows open all day. He crawled into his damp sleeping bag with his damp onesie in a damp tent. He spent the next few days very ill. Mixed fevers, a bad head cold, dizziness – and had to be bought back by the medic van twice.

Getting and staying wet is a nightmare! At least you’ll get a cold and be uncomfortable for the week – but you could be looking at maceration too – which is when the outer layer of skin (especially on your hands and feet) gets so saturated it separates, cracks and blisters.

So a few basics. If you get wet (you will), then go get dry! Take off and replace all your wet clothes and leave them somewhere outside your sleeping area to dry. If your tent leaks, take everything out, dry it fully with towels, let it vent and then put things back in (once they have dried).

Make sure you have a clothes line and pegs with you – or a gazebo to hang things up in the rain.

2 More things: Sleep and Food!

Make sure you have everything you need for a comfortable nights sleep! When we meet with parents before our trips we go through sleeping-bag ratings and what insulation (mats etc.) to use. We teach the young people how to set up and manage their tents and we do insist on our curfews.

And if you’re one of those groups that doesn’t impose a curfew, and your group is still running around the villages screaming at 4am while your snug up in your tent. Please don’t come. 🙂 Thank you!

Food wise, we make sure that they eat a good breakfast and a carbs-heavy, slow-release-energy meal in the afternoon. We watch them for overloading on sweets and make sure they are having some kind of actual meal from the cafes/trailers in the evening. Soul Survivor is not an excuse to eat crap, and by day three you’ll notice if you have! Proper diet means you have a group that stays positive and open, rather than cranky and surly.

Depression, Stress & Discouragement in Youth Work

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It’s been some emotional roller-coaster this whole youth ministry thing. I’ve been in both the deep end, and the shallow kiddy-pool of my heart-spine.

I’ve struggled with mild discouragement, bouts of depression, and prolonged stress at different stages of my career so far. It can sometimes be very difficult to distinguish whats actually affecting me, what set of emotions are in play, and how they need to be dealt with (i.e. pain killers, peace n’ quiet, counseling, a holiday, a good knock to the head, a grin-n-bear it week etc.)

In Doug Fields book Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry he dedicates a whole chapter to dealing with discouragement. On p.47, Steve Geralli gives a helpful reminder in a little aside box saying,

“Be aware that depression can mask itself as discouragement. Some signs of depression include irritability, sadness, exhaustion, low self-image, destructive self-criticism, shame, guilt, and loss of pleasure and fulfillment. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms for more than a couple of months, consult a professional therapist.”

Steve’s comments are really useful. Depression can easily be mistaken for discouragement, and sometimes vice versa too. In fact in my last year of my previous job I was diagnosed me with stress, but until I saw my GP I was treating it as simply discouragement – these things can easily get muddled together.

So just some preliminary thoughts:

– Don’t be surprised by depression, discouragement, or stress. Youth Ministry is about 80% less about fun n’ games than we thought it was!

– Don’t worry at other people’s surprise. Youth Ministry is 100% less about fun n’ games than they think it is!

– Keep a positive check on your ministry / life / spirituality balance.

– Don’t be afraid to talk to a GP for clarity’s sake. Especially when experiencing things like fatigue, lack of motivation/enthusiasm, difficult sleep patterns, sudden weight loss/gain, increased irritability etc.

– Try to keep in context the cross we carry, the sacrificial life of a minister, and what it means to share Christ’s sufferings.

– Memorize some fighter verses.

– Read daft books & watch daft films (harry potter & the simpsons have gotten me through a lot).

– Take your holidays. Spend fun time planning them (book early).

– Take your days off & sometimes take them away from your work areas/towns/city/planet.

– Laugh for no reason.

– Wake up at 1am just to go and buy cake from the supermarket.

– Keep letters that have encouraged you in a journal. Delete the stupid emails.

– Don’t be afraid to call some emails and conversations you’ve had stupid.

– Make to do lists an hour before you sleep. Include conversations you need to have, emails you’ve got to send, people you need to beat up (kidding). Just get it outa your head!

– Tidy a room or two. Wash some dishes. Take a shower.