Music, Moshpits, Psalms and Young People – An excerpt from Rebooted

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The following is an excerpt from my book, Rebooted. Reclaiming youth ministry for the long haul – a biblical framework.

When I was 16 I had the single most rock n’ roll experience of my whole and entire life.

I was sat in a Christian camp for young people with a friend when we heard that there would be a ‘battle of the bands’ that very evening. This would be a mix of local talents and traveling, well established Christian bands from across the UK. The announcer said that there was room for just one more band. We looked at each other. There was no way we were going to miss this opportunity.

That afternoon we tracked down a bass player, a drummer, and a singer. We went to a music shop and ‘rented’ guitars. In reality, this meant buying the cheapest guitars we could possibly find with the intention of returning them the next day. We then sat in the coffeeshop and acoustically practised Matt Redman’s ’Blessed Be’ at the table over triple shot mochas, while I penned out a horrendous Christian rewrite of Nirvana’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’.

We borrowed drums, a bass guitar and amps from the house band, plugged in (without a sound check) and played to nearly a thousand people. We rocked straight through Blessed Be easily enough, then we brought out our Nirvana rewrite which we had christened ‘Sounds Like the Holy Spirit.’ I got a couple of random guitar solos wedged in, and the drummer threw together a blinding tom-tom solo.

It didn’t matter that we weren’t in time, or in key, and no-one cared how incredibly cheesy we were. It didn’t matter that we had no dynamics and had no idea what the other musicians were doing. We were on fire! We played two songs, and were the only gig that conjured up a full scale mosh pit. I think we might even have scored crowd injuries!

We called ourselves ‘Holy Moses’, and we were terrible!

We were also awesome!

There were ten bands: nine high quality, and well established, talents – and then our rabble. Yet we were voted to come second! It doesn’t get much more rock n’ roll than that.

I will never forget that experience of creativity, community and chaos all rammed harmonically together. I did return my £75 guitar the next day, but I’d like to think it was a little endowed with the spirit of rock.

Music is incredibly important to the human spirit, as well as being vital for the creation of culture within community. Music is also incredibly important to God; it is a fundamental part of His creation with specific purposes.

The Prevalence of Music in the Bible

God’s people constantly used songs in their daily lives and worship. They were essential to the worshipping life of Israel, so much so that God appointed specific people to write and lead these songs.

God’s people, as you’ll probably know, were broken into twelve distinct tribes, each named after its own original ancestor. Each tribe had specific roles to fulfil within the body of Israel. The tribe of Judah, for instance, tended to provide the Kings and politics, while the Levites were responsible for all things Temple and Tabernacle. The Levites were divided into three parts: the Kohanim, who were the Priests, the Temple Guards, and the Musicians (1 Chron 6:31-32). These musicians were exempt from all other duties and, much like surgeons today, had to be on call day and night (1 Chron. 9:33).

The use of music to worship and to proclaim truth was commanded by God across the whole Bible (Ps. 33:2-3) right through into the New Testament (Col. 3:16). In fact, Luke gives four examples of songs being sung at pivotal parts of Jesus’ early story (Elizabeth in Lk. 1:42-45; Mary in Lk. 1:46-55; Zechariah in Lk. 1:68-79; and Simeon in Lk. 2:29-32). Jesus himself sings with his disciples (Mk. 14:26 and Mt. 26:30) quoting Psalms 114-118. He also quotes the words of a song from Psalm 22 on the cross.

The Power of Music in the Bible

Consider that it was song that threw the enemies of God into confusion so that they ended up destroying themselves in the story of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chron. 20:1-29, and it was during song that the chains broke and the stone rolled away in the jail in Acts 16.

The old puritan writers would say that music lifts our affections so that we can see truths about God in ways that could not be grasped purely intellectually. We might more easily say that music helps stuff move from just our heads down to our hearts. The Psalms consistently display music as a powerful emotional expression of love for, and dependency upon, God. William Law famously said,

“Just as singing is a natural effect of joy in the heart so it also has a natural power of rendering the heart joyful… There is nothing that so clears a way for your prayer, nothing that so disperses the dullness of heart, nothing that so purifies the soul from poor and little passions, nothing that so opens heaven, or carries your heart so near it, as these songs of praise.” [ Law, W. (1827). A serious call to a holy and devout life. Glasgow: William Collins. pp.318-318]

The Bible is far from a simply didactic or intellectualised book of Words. The scriptures are alive with music, poetry, art, story and incredible imagery. It would be easy for us to go so far in one direction that we end up making the Bible sound two dimensional and static, when it is in fact living and active (Heb. 4:12).

Full Coverage

If you’re going to buy car insurance, full coverage is probably the safest way to go. In the UK, we have something called ‘Third Party: Fire and Theft’ which is the cheaper option, and basically means that you’re covered if your car gets stolen, or if it spontaneously combusts. Anything else is on you, buddy! Proper full coverage, however, gives legal protections, property and bodily injury liability, collision cover, rental reimbursement, and even windscreen replacements. Looking back at my track record with cars, full coverage has certainly been essential for me.

That is exactly what the Psalms provide – full coverage. They are not just a limited and small part of the Christian life (or Third-Party insurance) – The Psalms cover the entire emotional spectrum of the human condition. Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that all the Psalms are simply about praise – when in fact these are the minority.

Psalms gave voice and expression to the fullness of the human life and they accompanied all the activities that made God’s people distinct in the world, and then even ubiquitous ones, like eating. Psalms were used to teach (Deut. 31:30), and to mark occasions (Ex. 15:1-21). There were specific Psalms to accompany all acts of worship including sacrifice (Ps. 27:6), parades and processions (42:15), entering the Temple (24), pronouncing blessing (4:6), giving thanks (50:14), confessing sins (51), teaching (1), and praising God (147). God’s people used The Psalms everywhere! And they provided full coverage in two very specific ways:

Emotional expression

Because humans have an incredibly wide emotional spectrum ranging from carnal fear and desperate hopelessness, to majestic joy and giddy excitement, God’s songbook needed to provide for all these occasions. This is why we have Psalms that express fear (22), beauty (Ps. 27:4), gratitude (30:11-12), hope (33), longing (42:1-2), joy (42:5-6), stunned silence (46:10), grief and regret (51:17), desperation (63:1), confession (71), contentment (73:25-26), lament (86), fury (109), and anticipation (144). The Psalms give voice to the widest range of emotional turmoil and satisfaction in our lives. Full coverage!

Propositional truth

The Psalms don’t merely express, they also teach. In the same way that popular music has always provided a liturgy for, or commentary on the culture of the times, the Psalms provided an expression of propositional theology. More simply put: They tell us lots about God. The careful theological content of the Psalms safeguard against purely emotional responses, which can easily marginalise God’s words, exalt musicians, and increase division.

The Psalms, therefore, provide a multifunctional tool that both elevates and expresses our deepest emotions, allowing us to receive genuine propositional truth from different perspectives. There is sometimes truth that we just can’t fully embrace, receive or even understand without the elevation of our hearts through some creative media like music.

Today, music tends to be one of two ways we learn our theology (the other being the sermon), making the content incredibly important. As creative and professional as many of our modern songs are, I’m not convinced that we always put enough effort into the content. I also think that we need to explore a much wider emotional spectrum than just joy and praise.

What does this have to do with youth work?

‘Lots’ would be the pedantic answer. However, you may have already noticed from its omission, that the Psalms themselves contain very little that specifically addresses young people. Rather than shoehorn something in, the applications here will be a little broader and also applicable to the wider church. This, however, will make these ideas no less essential in our youth work.

Creativity and young people

The first thing we ever learn about God is that he makes stuff, and that he does this through the expression of His voice. God is immensely creative, and He made us in His image to also be creative.

I don’t believe there is any such thing as a non-creative person. Not everybody is a fine artist but everybody has a divine innate ability to create stuff. One of the fundamental parts of creativity is the ability to see and solve problems – something humans have to do on a daily basis. Some people do this with more flare, while others are perhaps more modular. I believe that as we grow, however, we have a habit of keeping our creativity in carefully acceptable tracks, and keep the more vibrant artistic side suppressed and under wraps. Children and young people haven’t learned that unfortunate habit yet!

Have you noticed, for instance, just how much children love to dance? I’ve never met a young child that didn’t. I’m part of a fantastic church that has carefully created a safe community where children can gather near the front and dance together during the songs. I remember on one such occasion when we were singing the bridge to the song Your Love Never Fails, which repeats ‘on and on and on and on it goes, and it overwhelms and satisfies my soul…’ During the ‘on and on’ bit, a little boy ran to the front and just ran in a continuous circle until he fell down dizzy. I remember thinking what a beautiful expression of the truth of the song his dance was – and realised that I had been led in worship by that small boy.

Young people are seeking to be expressively creative in times of worship. Once every semester I cover the floor of my hall in plastic sheeting and give every young person a canvas and access to big buckets of paint along with brushes, sponges, pallet knives and squeegees. I tell them to paint something of their relationship with God. The only rule is that it shouldn’t be representative; so it shouldn’t look like an object or a person. This allows them to think about motion, shape and colour in more abstract ways. This always produces a profound experience of worship, and provides a way into talking about where their relationship with God currently is at.

The Psalms are sometimes very abstract, and can connect with different people for different reasons. They give room for expression, and create a conversational context where young people can engage with the various aspects of both their individual and communal relationship with God.

Teaching through creative media

Jesus was a storyteller through and through. He also regularly used object lessons from drawing on the floor, asking for coins off the crowd like a street magician, and pointing directly to people and landmarks.

There are many ways to teach the Bible. Proclamation is important, and didactic intellectual engagement needs to happen for sure, but that should be balanced with performance, participation and conversation.

For the past few years I’ve gotten to be involved in something artfully named ‘The Easter Transition Project’ for a local High School. This is how it looks:

  • Stage 1. Myself and a small team teach the Easter Story to a group of 14 and 15-year-old students during their regular Religious Studies lessons for six whole weeks. We do this through teaching them drama. They learn various acting styles and techniques, they take the Bible home to study the source material for homework, they write their own scripts from it and turn it into short plays.
  • Stage 2. These students present the Easter Story through several narrative short plays to younger pupils from across our region who are about to move up into that High School. Armed with iPads, the younger pupils watch each play taking notes, then have a group discussion pretending they are on the ground journalists. They are given physical evidence to handle, and fake facebook pages are preloaded onto their iPads for each of the characters they have seen on screen.
  • Stage 3. After the plays are performed, the key characters from the Easter story that have been on stage walk to various different locations around town. They stay in character constantly. The younger pupils go out with their iPads, filming them and asking them questions. This means that every 14 and 15-year-old actor has to intimately know their character and fully inhabit their role.
  • Stage 4. The younger pupils go back to their various schools and create news reports to give to their classes. The school inherits the evidence boxes we have made (that included things like rubber severed ears, nails, and crowns of thorns), and keep talking about them.

The stories are read in the Bible, passed down to the older students who then creatively bring them to life in plays, then inhabited by the actors, are passed down to the younger pupils, who then pass the story down to their classes. This is a wonderful representation of the most important story every told, being continuously retold creatively to hundreds of young people.

We need to be creative in our teaching, and use all the tools we have available to us to bring the message of the Gospel to life! The Psalms celebrate the creativity of both God and humans, and give us licence to explore his word creatively – as long as we stay accountable to it.

The Psalms give full coverage, and so must our youth ministry. If our youth project strategies only cater to certain narrow expressions for specific personalities of young people going through particular stages of life when we simply won’t be relevant. This means that we won’t be able to walk with them consistently through all the various aspects of their journeys. Engaging creativity and applying it to the broad spectrum of life is part of what makes the principles of the last three chapters work and come alive!

Young People and Worship

Worship is a lifestyle, not just a sing along and our times of corporate worship should reflect and support this. It’s important to invite young people into these times of worship often, and not guilelessly segregate them from the experience.

These times of worship should give room to express and experience a wide spectrum of emotions before God. Communal worship teaches us to live our lives in light of God – in every occasion. This means we need songs and liturgy that take us through grief and hope, struggle and confidence, confusion and dependence. We need to make sure our worship is experiential so that it engages our whole hearts and reflects the lives we live.

Worship should not, therefore, just be propositional, but raise our affections and engage our emotions. This doesn’t have to be limited to intellectually grasping content. Instead we can embrace all the artistic and creative tools available to us to express the content. I am not a fan of ‘performance’ worship where the band is basically the focus rather than God. I do not, however, have any problem with the careful use of media, lights, volume, or even smoke machines, as long as they have been carefully put together to engage the worshipper, and support the content.

I remember one evening at a large Christian youth festival. I had brought my group to an evening session which turned out to be very powerful. God was speaking clearly to many people on the importance of surrendering pain to Himself, and letting go of historic hurts. God was moving among people, healing old wounds, and bringing the beginnings of reconciliation. There were floods of tears, and heaps of awkwardly entangled hugging young people everywhere. It was emotional, and it was heavy. At that point, the band came on stage, and we all expected they would bring some continuity to the sense in the room. Instead came an enormous 4-4 drum and bass beat, and the singing started up with ‘dance, dance, everybody dance!’ Unsurprisingly no one got up, and no one danced.

The music should always embrace the worshippers healthily and support the Spirit’s movement and the content being taught.

Want to read more? Check out Rebooted for yourself.

 

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Addressing a mistake in my journal…

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Late last year I wrote a journal which evaluated the incarnational model of youth ministry. I stand by that evaluation as it’s an important and often missing voice from the youth work conversation.

However, upon reflection, I’d like to address a mistake I made in that journal.

In the cutting process I unwittingly oversimplified Prof. Pete Ward’s work to make him sound far too unaware of, or unconcerned with the gospel. This is simply not true of Pete or his work.

Even though I do believe there are important theological omissions, there is no excuse for fallaciously over-reducing anyone’s thinking to fit a tight word count. I needed far more nuance and much more care.

The journal was first written as an essay, then it was developed it into a training resource, then changed again to be a series of blogs, then redone as a few PowerPoint presentations, and then finally reconstructed as this journal. It was, in fact, my first journal that I didn’t expect to be published.

After going through all of these changes I started to feel very impersonal and quite abstract about it and I lost the big picture. It became words on a page and some of the tone suffered as a result. This was espeically true for the early part that I was trying to ‘get out of the way’ before I focused more on Dr. Root and the tradtional doctine of the Incarnation. I needed an objective re-read thinking about the real people behind the pages.

If you’ve read me before, I hope you’ll know that I really try to take immense care when disagreeing with someone publicly. Critiquing brothers and sisters is not something to be done cavalierly – ever. This journal in these places, however, lost a measure of grace that I would usually strive to bring.

In the cutting process, Pete unfairly suffered the whip of my brevity, and I genuinely apologise for this.

I say two things about Pete that oversimplify his position, and – knowing the footnotes and buffer sentences that were removed – now sound unjust and unfair.

First, I say,

‘Other than an undeveloped mention of the unity of God and human (Ward, 1995:17), there is no mention of any aspect of the doctrine of the Incarnation besides revelation.’

And second,

‘…Ward does not clarify what the gospel itself is, other than an abstract no­tion of ‘God’s expression of care for the world’ (1995”17).’

In isolation, this is just not correct and not fair. Although Pete doesn’t link the atonement specifically and functionally into the doctrine of the Incarnation itself, and treats them as separate pieces, he does clearly speak about the Cross and its importance (28ff.).

Pete’s focus is almost entirely relational and doesn’t talk about the effectual nature of Jesus dying for our sins, or the importance of Jesus being both human (just sacrifice) and divine (eternal sacrifice). This was what I was trying to say but cut too much to make this clear. He’s not shooting at the target that I would like him to, but that doens’t mean he isn’t aware of, or doesn’t care about that same target that I do.

Pete clearly loves Jesus, understands the gospel, and wants young people to know it.

I’m a big fan of Pete’s work, and he’s been an important part of our landscape for a long time. I want to hugely plug ‘Growing Up Evangelical’ and ‘Selling Worship.’ Really essential reads for mission-minded leaders in the UK. I don’t think ‘Youthwork and the mission of God’ is the most helpful book for youth ministry, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that Pete is a wise, knowledgeable, and incredibly experienced practitioner and thinker, with a track record of helping young people meet with Jesus which far outstrips my own. I didn’t make this clear enough.

I wish him the best and deeply apologise that I oversimplified his understanding of, or passion for the gospel.

 

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So you want to be a youth work blogger…

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I started ministry blogging in my first year at Bible College, which means I’ve been doing it for over sixteen years. It’s an amazing privilege and a joy – and yet it’s hard work and a slog too. There’s been plenty that I’ve gotten wrong, both in front and behind the keyboard. There are many apologies that I’ve had to make over the years. I think that places me well to write this.

I’d love more youth workers to be bloggers because it’s a great way to share experiences, wisdom and resources. Over the last decade I’ve seen many youth ministry blogs pop-up and then disappear almost overnight. This is an immense shame. We need a bit more follow through, and a lot more care.

With that in mind, here are ten ‘rules’ for longevity that I’d like to bring to the blogosphere.

Take it seriously

Set out real time, energy, money, and focus. If you really want to cultivate an audience, then you need to respect that audience by putting in the work. Pray over it and ask God to guide you throughout the process. Don’t just wing it.

Don’t take it seriously

Wing it a little. The best blogs are by their very nature personal and personable. So, don’t try to hide away all your foibles, or iron out all your creases. Don’t work too hard on a professional look, start with good content. As in any kind of writing, a little vulnerability creates great empathy – and great empathy means engaged reading.

Write well

Read lots, proofread, develop your craft, and edit, edit, edit. I shouldn’t have to read a post twice to understand what it’s driving at or why I should care about it. Usually for me this means tell the story, be specific, show your working, and call to action. Then edit, edit, edit! Respect the reader by presenting your content well.

Don’t write well

Remember that it’s still a blog, and so it should be readable on coffee breaks, and understandable on the loo. It’s about consistently adding to the conversation, not trying to have the last polished word.

Actually do ministry

For me, your blog loses credibility if you’re not actually practising what you preach. It’s easy to throw mud into a ring from the outside than it is to actually put the gloves on. A blog should comment on what you know, not speculate on something that you have no experience in.

Don’t do ministry

A blog should go further than just commenting on what we’ve experienced. It should ask big questions about areas we’re not conversant in. It should play devil’s advocate, and graciously engage viewpoints outside our worldview. It should invite other players onto the pitch. A blog is set up to be part of the learning environment, not to dominate it.

Be bold

Be honest and clear about what you believe. Suggest strong changes and push people with genuine challenges. Hold yourself, and those you’re writing to, to high standards of healthy practice and theology.

Don’t be bold

Drop down a few floors from the Ivory Tower. Don’t be pretentious about your aims and objectives, or what you decide to name your blog. Don’t been an absolutist, or subtly side-line others in the arena through back handed passive-aggression. Don’t be anonymous.

Be respectful

Understand that anyone with a public voice should be held to a higher account. Always speak about the others with great care, sacrificial love, and never forget to give the benefit of the doubt – especially if you’re likely to know that person in heaven. If you’re going to call out anybody, make sure you follow the same Bible-driven guidelines you would face-to-face or at a public meeting.

Yup – always be respectful

I know just how much of an ego stroke and vanity cesspool a successful blog can be. This is especially true when you’ve taken a side and rouse an online rabble to join you. Vindication – as good as it might feel – is simply not a holy way to use your voice. Guard your heart, bridle your keyboard-tongue, and pray over every word that leaves your webspace. Treat it as holy ground, surrender it to God, and ask the Holy Spirit to inhabit it. If a post becomes more about you than Jesus or strokes your itches more than worships Him – then delete it. Period.

A Christian blog should never be weaponised, especially against a neighbour.

So, in the end, lead with love. Treat keyboard conversation as you would real conversation. Be aware of the power of your tool. Protect your voice. Honour God with your words and tone. Treat it with respect and again – lead with love. Then go ahead and blog!

 

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Dear Pastor: How to resource your youth worker in 2020

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My wife and I recently acquired a cat – and said cat is a pain.

Cat needs food – she eats more than I do. Cat needs space to poo – she poo’s twice her body weight. Cat needs places to sleep – usually that’s on my face. Cat needs exercise – she likes to ninja dive bomb off my bookcase in the vain hope that I’ll catch her. Cat needs medicine – she keeps eating stuff she shouldn’t which makes her sick. Cat needs affection – cuddles, treats, and being covered in waste paper shows her that she’s loved.

Cat needs a lot! When we strike this balance, cat is also lovely. She’s a fun companion and brings a lot of light to our lives.

Youth workers need stuff too. Keeping your youth worker healthy, happy, and properly motivated is essential for a healthy church ministry. It’s also really not that hard to give value regularly to your youth worker through small, specific, careful gestures. That said, youth workers are not always the best people to ask what precisely it is that they need, so here’s a few ideas:

Reading

Subscriptions

Youth workers need to keep thinking and connecting with new ideas that are on the table today. Two that I’d suggest (in the UK) are Grove Youth Series and Premier Youth and Children’s Work. If you wanted them to go a bit deeper (and you had a bit more money to throw around), then grab the Journal of Youth and Theology too.

Books

Give your youth worker a book budget – or buy them a book every month! Here’s 11 essentials I think every youth leader needs, a list of great books not designed for youth work, and a one year theology reading plan too. Something else you can do is get them a library membership, so they can order these books in rather than having to buy them.

Intentional Space away

Conferences

A lot of UK conferences are location specific – there’a a couple in London that are worthwhile if you’re close enough to go just for a day, and lots of Bible Colleges have day sessions too. More nationally though, check out Growing Young Disciples, the National Youth Ministry Weekend, and the Youth Evangelism Conference.

Planning days

One of the big struggles of the youth worker diary, is intentionally working out days to plan strategies and schedules. These are phone-off days with nothing else on the table. Find time for this to work each term – and maybe send them away for a couple of days to do it.

Breaks

Holidays

You know that little holiday cottage your uncle has? Maybe gift it to your youth worker for a weekend! Look for little ways to give extra mini-breaks for your youth worker to unwind and know they’re loved.

Day’s off

Make sure, make sure, make sure that they are taking their days off – even if you have to buy them a race track day and stick them on a bus to get there!

Babysitting

Sorry, but just regularly inviting your youth worker around for dinner is probably not the answer. You’re their boss, and – even dressed as a social occasion – it’s just going to feel like work. Instead, have their kids round and give your youth worker the night off.

Skill Investment

Training

Invest in your youth worker’s skill set. This could include first aid, advanced safeguarding, conflict resolution, event management, mediation, even a part time PGCE. Think about ways you can deepen their board range of skills. If you’re not sure what might be the most beneficial, talk to a local teacher about what they like to go to (and what to avoid).

Professional Support

One of the things I offer youth workers is Skype coaching. Consider getting your youth worker an outside coach who can help them develop their ministry objectively.

Feedback

Visits

Show up to their projects! Not randomly or aggressively, like an inspection, but with a servant heart and playful demeanour. Get to know the kids and try to be present in that space.

Line management

Every youth worker needs pastoring, mentoring, and line-managing. This is to make sure they’re using their time well, taking their holidays, and are fulfilling their job description. Done well this will give your youth worker much greater confidence in what they’re doing.

Spiritual support

Retreats

Send them away for a few days – either on their own to just be with God, or on a formal retreat where they can be led constructively to connect with Jesus. These don’t need to be youth worker specific – in fact, check out L’abri!

Prayer

Don’t just pray for them randomly, make prayer intentional. Ask them regularly for prayer requests, and visit their office to pray for them in person. Don’t just add it into a meeting, make it special and stand-alone.

Random Acts of Value

Food & movies

A night out with Pizza Hutt and Odeon vouchers is fabulous! Don’t forget to organise the baby sitter.

Just say ‘thanks’

Remember to say thank you formally and publicly when occasions arrive (Membership Meetings etc.), and at specific times of year (Christmas, Easter etc.). Say it randomly and spontaneously – and mean it. Cultivate gratitude for what they do.

 

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Advocating for Women in Youth Ministry – we really must do better!

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A couple of years ago I received a bit of pushback to my 11 essential youth ministry books because none of them were written by women.

My response was that this, unfortunately, is the reality of the market. For every youth work book written by a woman there are dozens written by men. There is an enormous problem with the body language of youth ministry towards women.

Women and Youth Ministry

I’m always nervous writing on topics like this because I don’t want to come across as a yet another entitled, white, middle-class man, swooping in like a hero-ninja-knight trying to rescue women. Women don’t need rescuing by men who think they’ve got all the answers. But it’s time that the wisdom, experience and voice of women is promoted, listened to, valued and learned from. And this will mean that men like me must be willing to advocate for women.

Women have been immensely mistreated across leadership in the Church, and – even though there have always been more female youth ministers than female ministers generally – they are still seen as second-rate workers for the Gospel.

This is just wrong.

A few years back I collected stories from 40 women in youth ministry. These were shocking to the core. They included lines like:

“For about a year, I had people tell me I needed to hurry up and find a man because, being a woman, I couldn’t relate to boys. Two years later, they told me to be more ladylike so I could relate to the girls, because I’m only good at relating to the boys (I’ve always been a tomboy). Also, there are some concerns that me wearing men’s clothing may make my girls lesbian?”

and

“Do you know how many job descriptions have the words he/him/his? And then I have gotten responses back with one question: “Are you a man?” I have two degrees in student ministry and have volunteered for nearly 15 years in various capacities but rarely get any response.”

also

“I am the children’s minister at our church, note I am paid staff. I was told last week I wasn’t allowed to go on the staff retreat bc I was a woman…. my husband could go and “represent” me.”

This doesn’t just come from the culture of youth work, but from the Church as a whole, and even from churches hiring women as youth workers. Although there is a growing openness, there still seems to be a generational plague of views that see a woman in ministry as somehow less than a man.

I know that I’m less traditional on women in church leadership than many of my evangelical brothers and sisters. I believe that women in leadership is supported by the Bible and should be practiced in the Church today. This is not that post, however, so for now I’ll just point towards an excellent exposition of this from Bishop Tom Wright.

Where would youth ministry be without women?

Some of the most amazing youth workers I’ve ever met have been women. My own teams have always had incredibly wise and able women in them – and my ministry suffers without them. My own experiences aside, however, the shape of youth ministry today owes a lot to female influence.

There are, of course some important youth ministry books written by women, including ‘God-bearing Life’ by Kenda Creasy Dean and ‘Youthwork’ by Sally Nash. There are women heading up a huge amount of the accredited youth ministry training across the UK including Alice Smith at St. Mellitus, Alia Pike at Nazarene, Mel Lacey at Oak Hill, Dr. Sally Nash at CYM, and – until very recently – Dr. Carolyn Edwards at Cliff College, and now York Diocese. The editors of Premier Youth and Children’s Work Magazine are women (Ruth Jackson, Jess Lester and previously Emily Howarth). There’s also Naomi Allen heading up Open Doors Youth, and Chioma Fanawopo leading Release Potential. About 60% of National Youth for Christ staff are women, about 70% of Youthscape’s, and almost half of Scripture Union’s.

This represents a significant amount of influence in shaping the development of future practitioners. Youth ministry would look immensely different without women’s significant influence in shaping it.

So what can we do?

Balance for balance sake is surely not the answer. We should hire and support those with a clear calling and measurable gifting without taking sex into the equation. My concern, however, is that a lot of the standards we measure gifting and calling against have been inherently masculine for quite some time. We often have this bias at play, even when it’s not explicitly stated. We might believe we’re trying to hire ‘the right person for the job, regardless’ yet still have subliminally pictured a man in the role and so measured candidates against that image.

Levelling the playing field must start, therefore, at the heart level, looking inwards at our attitudes, not just outwards at our hiring and management practices. It’s important to remove the bias from our rules and structures, but on its own, that is just not enough. We should first address our biases in our own minds and attitudes. This is where the change has to come from. There’s lots of dark areas that might need lighting up, and impertinent questions that need to be asked.

At very least, can we love our co-workers in Christ, and see them first as professionals? We are partners in the Gospel, seeking the same goals, and shooting at the same targets – together.

I’m really proud that over half of the contributors to YouthWorkHacks are women and my own book includes two amazing sidebars written by women: Dr. Sam Richards and Rachel Turner. In fact, the YouthWorkHacks audience in 2019 was 58% female. I don’t mention this to make me look balanced, but because these women have contributed massively to the message that I care so much about. They have written with grace, wisdom and power, and they have taken my work to levels it just couldn’t have gone without them.

There’s so much more to do

A few days ago, my wife and I celebrated 12 years of marriage together. Sharing life together has been an unmatched privilege and the greatest adventure of my life. I, however, am not the cutting edge of our partnership; Jesus is. Our life together has been built by mutual submission and sacrifice to one another (Eph. 5:21) – letting Jesus be the final leader of our growth together. If I was to strip Katie of any authority in our marriage, I would certainly be worse off for it. I need her, she needs me, and we both need Jesus – together.

The way the church has treated women in youth ministry (and across all ministry) is shocking. We need to do all that we can to remedy, restore, and reconcile this litany of subversive abuse. Men shouldn’t just try to be heroes, but they can be advocates. Let’s be more aware, more open, more professional, more bold, and far more humble towards (and on behalf of) our fellow co-workers in Christ.

There’s much more to say, and much has already been said by people far more qualified than I am. This is neither a last word nor a first, but to my brothers, let’s just try harder for the sake our sisters, the sake of our ministries, the sake our young people, and the sake of the Gospel. There’s a lot to put right, so let’s be advocates, so we truly can be partners.

 

Ps. Some writers to check out…

There are some truly amazing female writers, pastors, and thinkers out there. Take some time to check out:

  • Rachel Tuner
  • Sally Nash
  • Kendra Creasy-Dean
  • Rachel Gardner
  • Kate Coleman
  • Bethany Jenkins
  • Melissa Kruger
  • Trillia Newbell
  • Katherine Sondergger
  • Amy Orr-Ewing
  • Kristen Deede Johnson
  • Bethany Hanke Hoang
  • Elaine Padilla
  • Kara Powell
  • Frances Young
  • Gloria Furman
  • Nancy Guthrie
  • Kathleen Nielson
  • Jen Wilkin

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Book Review: ‘The Man You’re Made* To Be’ by Martin Saunders

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Man, this took me ages to get to, but it was well worth it!

Martin has written a blinder of a book for lads.

Unlike most ‘how to be a godly man’ style books, The Man You’re Made* To Be has taken the spotlight off of us and put it back onto God as the one who made us. He starts off with this,

‘I should probably get this out of the way now because otherwise it’s just going to get awkward. I believe that you didn’t happen by accident. I believe that you were made. Handmade actually, on purpose, by a Creator. A God who made you as his child, whom he loves just like a really great father loves his son or daughter. Except much better than that.’ (xv)

The focus, therefore, isn’t ‘11 ways to do man-stuff properly’, but 11 ways to grow into all that God has designed you to be. Fantastic!

Because Martin keeps going back to this God as our creator, everything just feels more grounded. When he talks about role models, for instance, he doesn’t just find a few godly men to point to. Instead he goes right back to the source and points to Jesus himself (chapter 3). In this chapter, Martin draws out the Jesus of justice, strength, conviction, forgiveness, and compassion, and rather than just saying ‘be like Him’ (which he does do), Martin encourages us to know Him. Frankly, I’d be very happy to stick this into a non-Christian’s hand.

I’m going to highlight briefly a couple of juicy areas that I think Martin tackles particularly well:

Fatherhood

As you can imagine in a book like this, fatherhood comes up a fair few times, as it should. But for many people fatherhood is a toxic issue that triggers so many ill, confused feelings. Martin doesn’t shy away from talking about the immenseness of having a Father in heaven, but treats that with the sensitivity it needs. He says,

‘If you are a man who doesn’t know or have contact with his father then I’m sorry. I’m also aware that all this talk of God as a father who lives you can feel a bit uncomfortable or even painful. I believe, though, that God’s version of fatherhood is so many times better than ours that it is barely recognisable even from the closest and kindest father-son relationship. And whatever yours is like, I promise that the offer to know and root your identity in him is cast-iron. He will never let you down, even if your real father has.’ (34).

Sex

I thoroughly enjoyed Martin’s chapter on sex (go figure). He manages to bluntly talk about hormones, pornography, and the pervasive sexualisation of culture, without going unnecessarily OTT, or awkwardly dancing around the issues either. In a straight-forward, frank, and realistic tone, Martin opens dark taboos up in a helpful and wise way. He exposes, for example, the most insidious lie of pornography which tells us ‘this is what sex should be like’, and contrasts it against God’s design,

‘The truth is that sex is incredibly meaningful, and I believe that the biggest reason why is that it’s holy. It’s not just a physical action but it’s also a spiritual experience, designed by God as a gift to us.’ (80)

Women

Unlike a lot of books of this kind, Martin doesn’t use women as a functional tool for us to work out our manhood in conflict with. Women are far too easily objectified in Christian culture as dangerous distractions that a godly man must constantly fight off with spears and axes. However, for Martin, women are clearly created equal by God. They are our sisters in Christ and our partners on our journeys of faith.

Martin tracks the West’s history of male dominance and looks at ways we can crawl out of that context into something so much better. He helps us to consider the attitudes of our hearts towards women and realign our lifestyles to treat them with genuine respect. He says,

‘It’s one thing to agree intellectually with the idea that men aren’t better than women. It’s quite another to put that into practice. There are so many subtle ways that gender imbalance has wormed its way into our culture; disarming all those bombs means having our eyes wide open to every form of them’ (145)

So why read it?

Here’s a few reasons…

  • It tracks a form of manhood that lives in the Bible and can exist today.
  • It’s funny, poignant, easy to read, and packs a punch – right to the gut of what so many lads are dealing with.
  • It isn’t afraid to challenge accepted ideas of what everyone says is ok – but does so without being preachy or legalistic.
  • It looks honestly at things like mental health, self-harm, and suicide.
  • It also considers things like screen time and cyber bullying.
  • It has more pop-culture references than you can swing a Kardashian at.
  • It points back to spiritual disciplines like prayer.
  • It isn’t scared to tell us to exercise our self-control muscle.
  • It encourages us to connect up with others and build supportive relationships.
  • It gives us some solid titles and content for a teaching series: purpose, identity, Jesus, emotions, sex, temptation, friendship, technology, women, and materialism. I want the workbook next, Martin.
  • It uses the word ‘bants’.
  • It makes a HUGE deal of Jesus.
  • it keeps bringing us back to God our creator.
  • It ends with ‘I love you, man.’

Masculinity has become so toxic and confused, that even broaching this topic is brave, but Martin – somehow – has tracked a path through a healthy version of manhood which doesn’t just flat out reject the unique aspects of what being a man means.

It’s not a deep systematic theological treatise – but it’s not meant to be. It absolutely hits the target it’s aiming at and will be a helpful resource for my young people. Frankly, it was helpful for me too!

The Man You’re Made* To Be is the book I’ve been waiting to give to lads for years. I was sent a free copy (thanks), but I’m buying a bunch for my youth club.

Cheers Martin – you’re a legend.

Are you a walking wounded youth worker?

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Bent double over the dining table, trying desperately to plan out a term of meaningful, life-changing projects. Feeling the crushing weight of irony that nothing has felt meaningful or life-changing for a while. You can’t work.

Lying in bed cradling your pillow tightly against your head, staying unnaturally still, holding muscles tense, heart beating in your throat. Replaying conversations and rehearing soundbites of conflicts never satisfactorily solved. You can’t sleep.

Hearing an email tone on your laptop and immediately starting to breathe harder and lose concentration as palpable dread squeezes itself unwelcomed into your psyche. You see it’s just spam then sigh deeply with tangible relief. You can’t switch off.

Moving your head around and around, pinching at various points where your spine meets your skull, trying to release a pressure that has become constant and subversive. Eyes closed, seeking momentary relief looking to remember a time when you weren’t aching. You can’t stop hurting.

Does any of this sound familiar? You might be one of the many walking wounded youth workers.

Adrenaline – The youth worker drug

It was eventually on doctor’s orders that I moved on from my first ministry position. I was a young, inexperienced youth worker in a deeply unhealthy church. I wasn’t able to handle the constant presence of conflict, which manifested as an ever-present and continuously growing shame.

When shame takes root, all decisions become clouded with fear. When you live with fear as a reactionary constant, then adrenaline production becomes part of your body’s usual function. Once you flood a system with adrenaline for more than a few days at a time, the body begins to shut down. Tension headaches, fatigue, insomnia, even dizziness and blackouts soon follow. The cute word for this is ‘stress’, yet the more biologically sound phrase would be impending total meltdown.

When your heart is filled with shame, your reactions driven by fear, your system full of adrenaline, and your biology ruled by stress, then the result is something a little akin to depression – you numb up, and you seize up.

I’m a guitarist, and one of my favourite sound effects is ‘compression.’ What compression does is boost lower signals and limit stronger ones, so quieter guitar strums are made louder and louder strums made quieter – compressing everything into a smaller spectrum for a consistent sound. This happens to humans too; bad things are amplified into unbearable constants, and amazing things diluted and dulled into insignificance.

This is also a little like coming off an addiction. You crash and you crash hard. When the character Matt Albie from Aaron Sorkin’s comedy-drama ‘Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip’ comes off pills, he is told “Miss America could stand in front of you naked and hand you a Pulitzer Prize and you’d be depressed.”

Personally, you might become strongly combative and comparative, glibly writing swaths of people off for mundane things. You could become personally hurt by some peers’ successes, and quietly revel in the downfall of others.

Spiritually, God seems to go quiet, worship ineffectual, prayer hollow and echoey, and true passion becomes a distant memory. The natural result is that you become not very good at your job – so you try harder, fail more, and hurt more.

Any of this sound familiar? You might be one of the many walking wounded youth workers.

The Walking Wounded

I’ve met so many youth workers with stories of work-related hurt, rejection, stress and loss. Some stories are past tense, yet with an obvious weight still carried around their neck like a milestone on a chain. Others happen in real time. I regularly meet youth workers who are, knowingly or unknowingly, the walking wounded.

Is it you? If so, it’s time to act.

If you’re trapped in a job that is literally draining your health, disempowering your work, abating your healthy relationships, and sucking dry your connection with God then that is not ok.

It’s not normal, and it’s not ok. At least not for any prolonged period of time.

Sure ‘it’s ok to not be ok’ – fine, but staying trapped is a bad plan for getting ok again.

God called you to thrive in your mission and ministry through a network of healthy relationships, empowering and releasing worship, connecting church membership, and a growing, accountable connection to authority.

If this isn’t happening, then something somewhere has to give.

Wounds or scars?

When I was a walking wounded youth worker, I remembered these lyrics from Simon and Garfunkel’s seminal song ‘The Boxer’, and felt painful empathy. Even today they bring a tear to my eye, and a heavy lump to my throat when I remember just how it felt to carry those wounds:

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev’ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains

The hardest thing about carrying wounds is to take the necessary steps to allow the wounds to heal. Treatment is often uncomfortable, awkward, painful, and even debilitating for a time. You have to trust yourself to others, become vulnerable and exposed, and make big decisions that acknowledge and repair the hurt.

Deep wounds will often leave a scar, but a scar is not a wound. It’s a reminder of pain – and that can hurt too – but it’s not the same as real-time pain.

For me, even when I left a difficult job, I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – so I would relive rather than just remember the pain – keeping the wounds from scaring. It wasn’t until a few years later that I saw a therapist and started to address them properly that the hurt began to change shape.

Without treatment, wounds won’t become scars, they will remain as wounds, and you will continue to be the walking wounded, then the crawling wounded, and ultimately just the wounded.

What can you do?

  • It might be you need a clarifying, honest, and vulnerable conversation with your leadership.
  • You could think about talking to a professional therapist or person-centred counsellor.
  • You could list your aims and objectives and think – honestly – about what needs to change to see them happen.
  • You could try to measure your work against realistic and achievable outcomes.
  • You could take your days off and holidays more consistently. Turn your phone off for a while.
  • You could mentally recategorise your work context from local ministry to hostile mission.
  • There might be conferences, networks, and support groups to connect with.

OR…

You might just need to get out.

At some point the poop needs to hit the fan. As much as I value and respect youth workers who say they want to be in it for the long haul, that long haul doesn’t begin if you’re always in defence mode. You can be in a position for ten years and not see any growth or maturity.

You might need a conversation.

I’m happy to chat (timgoughuk@gmail.com), but better somebody who knows you well. Pray. Think. Talk.

 

Photo by Dan Burton on Unsplash