So you want to be a youth work blogger…

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I started ministry blogging in my first year at Bible College, which means I’ve been doing it for over sixteen years. It’s an amazing privilege and a joy – and yet it’s hard work and a slog too. There’s been plenty that I’ve gotten wrong, both in front and behind the keyboard. There are many apologies that I’ve had to make over the years. I think that places me well to write this.

I’d love more youth workers to be bloggers because it’s a great way to share experiences, wisdom and resources. Over the last decade I’ve seen many youth ministry blogs pop-up and then disappear almost overnight. This is an immense shame. We need a bit more follow through, and a lot more care.

With that in mind, here are ten ‘rules’ for longevity that I’d like to bring to the blogosphere.

Take it seriously

Set out real time, energy, money, and focus. If you really want to cultivate an audience, then you need to respect that audience by putting in the work. Pray over it and ask God to guide you throughout the process. Don’t just wing it.

Don’t take it seriously

Wing it a little. The best blogs are by their very nature personal and personable. So, don’t try to hide away all your foibles, or iron out all your creases. Don’t work too hard on a professional look, start with good content. As in any kind of writing, a little vulnerability creates great empathy – and great empathy means engaged reading.

Write well

Read lots, proofread, develop your craft, and edit, edit, edit. I shouldn’t have to read a post twice to understand what it’s driving at or why I should care about it. Usually for me this means tell the story, be specific, show your working, and call to action. Then edit, edit, edit! Respect the reader by presenting your content well.

Don’t write well

Remember that it’s still a blog, and so it should be readable on coffee breaks, and understandable on the loo. It’s about consistently adding to the conversation, not trying to have the last polished word.

Actually do ministry

For me, your blog loses credibility if you’re not actually practising what you preach. It’s easy to throw mud into a ring from the outside than it is to actually put the gloves on. A blog should comment on what you know, not speculate on something that you have no experience in.

Don’t do ministry

A blog should go further than just commenting on what we’ve experienced. It should ask big questions about areas we’re not conversant in. It should play devil’s advocate, and graciously engage viewpoints outside our worldview. It should invite other players onto the pitch. A blog is set up to be part of the learning environment, not to dominate it.

Be bold

Be honest and clear about what you believe. Suggest strong changes and push people with genuine challenges. Hold yourself, and those you’re writing to, to high standards of healthy practice and theology.

Don’t be bold

Drop down a few floors from the Ivory Tower. Don’t be pretentious about your aims and objectives, or what you decide to name your blog. Don’t been an absolutist, or subtly side-line others in the arena through back handed passive-aggression. Don’t be anonymous.

Be respectful

Understand that anyone with a public voice should be held to a higher account. Always speak about the others with great care, sacrificial love, and never forget to give the benefit of the doubt – especially if you’re likely to know that person in heaven. If you’re going to call out anybody, make sure you follow the same Bible-driven guidelines you would face-to-face or at a public meeting.

Yup – always be respectful

I know just how much of an ego stroke and vanity cesspool a successful blog can be. This is especially true when you’ve taken a side and rouse an online rabble to join you. Vindication – as good as it might feel – is simply not a holy way to use your voice. Guard your heart, bridle your keyboard-tongue, and pray over every word that leaves your webspace. Treat it as holy ground, surrender it to God, and ask the Holy Spirit to inhabit it. If a post becomes more about you than Jesus or strokes your itches more than worships Him – then delete it. Period.

A Christian blog should never be weaponised, especially against a neighbour.

So, in the end, lead with love. Treat keyboard conversation as you would real conversation. Be aware of the power of your tool. Protect your voice. Honour God with your words and tone. Treat it with respect and again – lead with love. Then go ahead and blog!

 

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Dear Pastor: How to resource your youth worker in 2020

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My wife and I recently acquired a cat – and said cat is a pain.

Cat needs food – she eats more than I do. Cat needs space to poo – she poo’s twice her body weight. Cat needs places to sleep – usually that’s on my face. Cat needs exercise – she likes to ninja dive bomb off my bookcase in the vain hope that I’ll catch her. Cat needs medicine – she keeps eating stuff she shouldn’t which makes her sick. Cat needs affection – cuddles, treats, and being covered in waste paper shows her that she’s loved.

Cat needs a lot! When we strike this balance, cat is also lovely. She’s a fun companion and brings a lot of light to our lives.

Youth workers need stuff too. Keeping your youth worker healthy, happy, and properly motivated is essential for a healthy church ministry. It’s also really not that hard to give value regularly to your youth worker through small, specific, careful gestures. That said, youth workers are not always the best people to ask what precisely it is that they need, so here’s a few ideas:

Reading

Subscriptions

Youth workers need to keep thinking and connecting with new ideas that are on the table today. Two that I’d suggest (in the UK) are Grove Youth Series and Premier Youth and Children’s Work. If you wanted them to go a bit deeper (and you had a bit more money to throw around), then grab the Journal of Youth and Theology too.

Books

Give your youth worker a book budget – or buy them a book every month! Here’s 11 essentials I think every youth leader needs, a list of great books not designed for youth work, and a one year theology reading plan too. Something else you can do is get them a library membership, so they can order these books in rather than having to buy them.

Intentional Space away

Conferences

A lot of UK conferences are location specific – there’a a couple in London that are worthwhile if you’re close enough to go just for a day, and lots of Bible Colleges have day sessions too. More nationally though, check out Growing Young Disciples, the National Youth Ministry Weekend, and the Youth Evangelism Conference.

Planning days

One of the big struggles of the youth worker diary, is intentionally working out days to plan strategies and schedules. These are phone-off days with nothing else on the table. Find time for this to work each term – and maybe send them away for a couple of days to do it.

Breaks

Holidays

You know that little holiday cottage your uncle has? Maybe gift it to your youth worker for a weekend! Look for little ways to give extra mini-breaks for your youth worker to unwind and know they’re loved.

Day’s off

Make sure, make sure, make sure that they are taking their days off – even if you have to buy them a race track day and stick them on a bus to get there!

Babysitting

Sorry, but just regularly inviting your youth worker around for dinner is probably not the answer. You’re their boss, and – even dressed as a social occasion – it’s just going to feel like work. Instead, have their kids round and give your youth worker the night off.

Skill Investment

Training

Invest in your youth worker’s skill set. This could include first aid, advanced safeguarding, conflict resolution, event management, mediation, even a part time PGCE. Think about ways you can deepen their board range of skills. If you’re not sure what might be the most beneficial, talk to a local teacher about what they like to go to (and what to avoid).

Professional Support

One of the things I offer youth workers is Skype coaching. Consider getting your youth worker an outside coach who can help them develop their ministry objectively.

Feedback

Visits

Show up to their projects! Not randomly or aggressively, like an inspection, but with a servant heart and playful demeanour. Get to know the kids and try to be present in that space.

Line management

Every youth worker needs pastoring, mentoring, and line-managing. This is to make sure they’re using their time well, taking their holidays, and are fulfilling their job description. Done well this will give your youth worker much greater confidence in what they’re doing.

Spiritual support

Retreats

Send them away for a few days – either on their own to just be with God, or on a formal retreat where they can be led constructively to connect with Jesus. These don’t need to be youth worker specific – in fact, check out L’abri!

Prayer

Don’t just pray for them randomly, make prayer intentional. Ask them regularly for prayer requests, and visit their office to pray for them in person. Don’t just add it into a meeting, make it special and stand-alone.

Random Acts of Value

Food & movies

A night out with Pizza Hutt and Odeon vouchers is fabulous! Don’t forget to organise the baby sitter.

Just say ‘thanks’

Remember to say thank you formally and publicly when occasions arrive (Membership Meetings etc.), and at specific times of year (Christmas, Easter etc.). Say it randomly and spontaneously – and mean it. Cultivate gratitude for what they do.

 

Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash

Advocating for Women in Youth Ministry – we really must do better!

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A couple of years ago I received a bit of pushback to my 11 essential youth ministry books because none of them were written by women.

My response was that this, unfortunately, is the reality of the market. For every youth work book written by a woman there are dozens written by men. There is an enormous problem with the body language of youth ministry towards women.

Women and Youth Ministry

I’m always nervous writing on topics like this because I don’t want to come across as a yet another entitled, white, middle-class man, swooping in like a hero-ninja-knight trying to rescue women. Women don’t need rescuing by men who think they’ve got all the answers. But it’s time that the wisdom, experience and voice of women is promoted, listened to, valued and learned from. And this will mean that men like me must be willing to advocate for women.

Women have been immensely mistreated across leadership in the Church, and – even though there have always been more female youth ministers than female ministers generally – they are still seen as second-rate workers for the Gospel.

This is just wrong.

A few years back I collected stories from 40 women in youth ministry. These were shocking to the core. They included lines like:

“For about a year, I had people tell me I needed to hurry up and find a man because, being a woman, I couldn’t relate to boys. Two years later, they told me to be more ladylike so I could relate to the girls, because I’m only good at relating to the boys (I’ve always been a tomboy). Also, there are some concerns that me wearing men’s clothing may make my girls lesbian?”

and

“Do you know how many job descriptions have the words he/him/his? And then I have gotten responses back with one question: “Are you a man?” I have two degrees in student ministry and have volunteered for nearly 15 years in various capacities but rarely get any response.”

also

“I am the children’s minister at our church, note I am paid staff. I was told last week I wasn’t allowed to go on the staff retreat bc I was a woman…. my husband could go and “represent” me.”

This doesn’t just come from the culture of youth work, but from the Church as a whole, and even from churches hiring women as youth workers. Although there is a growing openness, there still seems to be a generational plague of views that see a woman in ministry as somehow less than a man.

I know that I’m less traditional on women in church leadership than many of my evangelical brothers and sisters. I believe that women in leadership is supported by the Bible and should be practiced in the Church today. This is not that post, however, so for now I’ll just point towards an excellent exposition of this from Bishop Tom Wright.

Where would youth ministry be without women?

Some of the most amazing youth workers I’ve ever met have been women. My own teams have always had incredibly wise and able women in them – and my ministry suffers without them. My own experiences aside, however, the shape of youth ministry today owes a lot to female influence.

There are, of course some important youth ministry books written by women, including ‘God-bearing Life’ by Kenda Creasy Dean and ‘Youthwork’ by Sally Nash. There are women heading up a huge amount of the accredited youth ministry training across the UK including Alice Smith at St. Mellitus, Alia Pike at Nazarene, Mel Lacey at Oak Hill, Dr. Sally Nash at CYM, and – until very recently – Dr. Carolyn Edwards at Cliff College, and now York Diocese. The editors of Premier Youth and Children’s Work Magazine are women (Ruth Jackson, Jess Lester and previously Emily Howarth). There’s also Naomi Allen heading up Open Doors Youth, and Chioma Fanawopo leading Release Potential. About 60% of National Youth for Christ staff are women, about 70% of Youthscape’s, and almost half of Scripture Union’s.

This represents a significant amount of influence in shaping the development of future practitioners. Youth ministry would look immensely different without women’s significant influence in shaping it.

So what can we do?

Balance for balance sake is surely not the answer. We should hire and support those with a clear calling and measurable gifting without taking sex into the equation. My concern, however, is that a lot of the standards we measure gifting and calling against have been inherently masculine for quite some time. We often have this bias at play, even when it’s not explicitly stated. We might believe we’re trying to hire ‘the right person for the job, regardless’ yet still have subliminally pictured a man in the role and so measured candidates against that image.

Levelling the playing field must start, therefore, at the heart level, looking inwards at our attitudes, not just outwards at our hiring and management practices. It’s important to remove the bias from our rules and structures, but on its own, that is just not enough. We should first address our biases in our own minds and attitudes. This is where the change has to come from. There’s lots of dark areas that might need lighting up, and impertinent questions that need to be asked.

At very least, can we love our co-workers in Christ, and see them first as professionals? We are partners in the Gospel, seeking the same goals, and shooting at the same targets – together.

I’m really proud that over half of the contributors to YouthWorkHacks are women and my own book includes two amazing sidebars written by women: Dr. Sam Richards and Rachel Turner. In fact, the YouthWorkHacks audience in 2019 was 58% female. I don’t mention this to make me look balanced, but because these women have contributed massively to the message that I care so much about. They have written with grace, wisdom and power, and they have taken my work to levels it just couldn’t have gone without them.

There’s so much more to do

A few days ago, my wife and I celebrated 12 years of marriage together. Sharing life together has been an unmatched privilege and the greatest adventure of my life. I, however, am not the cutting edge of our partnership; Jesus is. Our life together has been built by mutual submission and sacrifice to one another (Eph. 5:21) – letting Jesus be the final leader of our growth together. If I was to strip Katie of any authority in our marriage, I would certainly be worse off for it. I need her, she needs me, and we both need Jesus – together.

The way the church has treated women in youth ministry (and across all ministry) is shocking. We need to do all that we can to remedy, restore, and reconcile this litany of subversive abuse. Men shouldn’t just try to be heroes, but they can be advocates. Let’s be more aware, more open, more professional, more bold, and far more humble towards (and on behalf of) our fellow co-workers in Christ.

There’s much more to say, and much has already been said by people far more qualified than I am. This is neither a last word nor a first, but to my brothers, let’s just try harder for the sake our sisters, the sake of our ministries, the sake our young people, and the sake of the Gospel. There’s a lot to put right, so let’s be advocates, so we truly can be partners.

 

Ps. Some writers to check out…

There are some truly amazing female writers, pastors, and thinkers out there. Take some time to check out:

  • Rachel Tuner
  • Sally Nash
  • Kendra Creasy-Dean
  • Rachel Gardner
  • Kate Coleman
  • Bethany Jenkins
  • Melissa Kruger
  • Trillia Newbell
  • Katherine Sondergger
  • Amy Orr-Ewing
  • Kristen Deede Johnson
  • Bethany Hanke Hoang
  • Elaine Padilla
  • Kara Powell
  • Frances Young
  • Gloria Furman
  • Nancy Guthrie
  • Kathleen Nielson
  • Jen Wilkin

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Book Review: ‘The Man You’re Made* To Be’ by Martin Saunders

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Man, this took me ages to get to, but it was well worth it!

Martin has written a blinder of a book for lads.

Unlike most ‘how to be a godly man’ style books, The Man You’re Made* To Be has taken the spotlight off of us and put it back onto God as the one who made us. He starts off with this,

‘I should probably get this out of the way now because otherwise it’s just going to get awkward. I believe that you didn’t happen by accident. I believe that you were made. Handmade actually, on purpose, by a Creator. A God who made you as his child, whom he loves just like a really great father loves his son or daughter. Except much better than that.’ (xv)

The focus, therefore, isn’t ‘11 ways to do man-stuff properly’, but 11 ways to grow into all that God has designed you to be. Fantastic!

Because Martin keeps going back to this God as our creator, everything just feels more grounded. When he talks about role models, for instance, he doesn’t just find a few godly men to point to. Instead he goes right back to the source and points to Jesus himself (chapter 3). In this chapter, Martin draws out the Jesus of justice, strength, conviction, forgiveness, and compassion, and rather than just saying ‘be like Him’ (which he does do), Martin encourages us to know Him. Frankly, I’d be very happy to stick this into a non-Christian’s hand.

I’m going to highlight briefly a couple of juicy areas that I think Martin tackles particularly well:

Fatherhood

As you can imagine in a book like this, fatherhood comes up a fair few times, as it should. But for many people fatherhood is a toxic issue that triggers so many ill, confused feelings. Martin doesn’t shy away from talking about the immenseness of having a Father in heaven, but treats that with the sensitivity it needs. He says,

‘If you are a man who doesn’t know or have contact with his father then I’m sorry. I’m also aware that all this talk of God as a father who lives you can feel a bit uncomfortable or even painful. I believe, though, that God’s version of fatherhood is so many times better than ours that it is barely recognisable even from the closest and kindest father-son relationship. And whatever yours is like, I promise that the offer to know and root your identity in him is cast-iron. He will never let you down, even if your real father has.’ (34).

Sex

I thoroughly enjoyed Martin’s chapter on sex (go figure). He manages to bluntly talk about hormones, pornography, and the pervasive sexualisation of culture, without going unnecessarily OTT, or awkwardly dancing around the issues either. In a straight-forward, frank, and realistic tone, Martin opens dark taboos up in a helpful and wise way. He exposes, for example, the most insidious lie of pornography which tells us ‘this is what sex should be like’, and contrasts it against God’s design,

‘The truth is that sex is incredibly meaningful, and I believe that the biggest reason why is that it’s holy. It’s not just a physical action but it’s also a spiritual experience, designed by God as a gift to us.’ (80)

Women

Unlike a lot of books of this kind, Martin doesn’t use women as a functional tool for us to work out our manhood in conflict with. Women are far too easily objectified in Christian culture as dangerous distractions that a godly man must constantly fight off with spears and axes. However, for Martin, women are clearly created equal by God. They are our sisters in Christ and our partners on our journeys of faith.

Martin tracks the West’s history of male dominance and looks at ways we can crawl out of that context into something so much better. He helps us to consider the attitudes of our hearts towards women and realign our lifestyles to treat them with genuine respect. He says,

‘It’s one thing to agree intellectually with the idea that men aren’t better than women. It’s quite another to put that into practice. There are so many subtle ways that gender imbalance has wormed its way into our culture; disarming all those bombs means having our eyes wide open to every form of them’ (145)

So why read it?

Here’s a few reasons…

  • It tracks a form of manhood that lives in the Bible and can exist today.
  • It’s funny, poignant, easy to read, and packs a punch – right to the gut of what so many lads are dealing with.
  • It isn’t afraid to challenge accepted ideas of what everyone says is ok – but does so without being preachy or legalistic.
  • It looks honestly at things like mental health, self-harm, and suicide.
  • It also considers things like screen time and cyber bullying.
  • It has more pop-culture references than you can swing a Kardashian at.
  • It points back to spiritual disciplines like prayer.
  • It isn’t scared to tell us to exercise our self-control muscle.
  • It encourages us to connect up with others and build supportive relationships.
  • It gives us some solid titles and content for a teaching series: purpose, identity, Jesus, emotions, sex, temptation, friendship, technology, women, and materialism. I want the workbook next, Martin.
  • It uses the word ‘bants’.
  • It makes a HUGE deal of Jesus.
  • it keeps bringing us back to God our creator.
  • It ends with ‘I love you, man.’

Masculinity has become so toxic and confused, that even broaching this topic is brave, but Martin – somehow – has tracked a path through a healthy version of manhood which doesn’t just flat out reject the unique aspects of what being a man means.

It’s not a deep systematic theological treatise – but it’s not meant to be. It absolutely hits the target it’s aiming at and will be a helpful resource for my young people. Frankly, it was helpful for me too!

The Man You’re Made* To Be is the book I’ve been waiting to give to lads for years. I was sent a free copy (thanks), but I’m buying a bunch for my youth club.

Cheers Martin – you’re a legend.

Are you a walking wounded youth worker?

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Bent double over the dining table, trying desperately to plan out a term of meaningful, life-changing projects. Feeling the crushing weight of irony that nothing has felt meaningful or life-changing for a while. You can’t work.

Lying in bed cradling your pillow tightly against your head, staying unnaturally still, holding muscles tense, heart beating in your throat. Replaying conversations and rehearing soundbites of conflicts never satisfactorily solved. You can’t sleep.

Hearing an email tone on your laptop and immediately starting to breathe harder and lose concentration as palpable dread squeezes itself unwelcomed into your psyche. You see it’s just spam then sigh deeply with tangible relief. You can’t switch off.

Moving your head around and around, pinching at various points where your spine meets your skull, trying to release a pressure that has become constant and subversive. Eyes closed, seeking momentary relief looking to remember a time when you weren’t aching. You can’t stop hurting.

Does any of this sound familiar? You might be one of the many walking wounded youth workers.

Adrenaline – The youth worker drug

It was eventually on doctor’s orders that I moved on from my first ministry position. I was a young, inexperienced youth worker in a deeply unhealthy church. I wasn’t able to handle the constant presence of conflict, which manifested as an ever-present and continuously growing shame.

When shame takes root, all decisions become clouded with fear. When you live with fear as a reactionary constant, then adrenaline production becomes part of your body’s usual function. Once you flood a system with adrenaline for more than a few days at a time, the body begins to shut down. Tension headaches, fatigue, insomnia, even dizziness and blackouts soon follow. The cute word for this is ‘stress’, yet the more biologically sound phrase would be impending total meltdown.

When your heart is filled with shame, your reactions driven by fear, your system full of adrenaline, and your biology ruled by stress, then the result is something a little akin to depression – you numb up, and you seize up.

I’m a guitarist, and one of my favourite sound effects is ‘compression.’ What compression does is boost lower signals and limit stronger ones, so quieter guitar strums are made louder and louder strums made quieter – compressing everything into a smaller spectrum for a consistent sound. This happens to humans too; bad things are amplified into unbearable constants, and amazing things diluted and dulled into insignificance.

This is also a little like coming off an addiction. You crash and you crash hard. When the character Matt Albie from Aaron Sorkin’s comedy-drama ‘Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip’ comes off pills, he is told “Miss America could stand in front of you naked and hand you a Pulitzer Prize and you’d be depressed.”

Personally, you might become strongly combative and comparative, glibly writing swaths of people off for mundane things. You could become personally hurt by some peers’ successes, and quietly revel in the downfall of others.

Spiritually, God seems to go quiet, worship ineffectual, prayer hollow and echoey, and true passion becomes a distant memory. The natural result is that you become not very good at your job – so you try harder, fail more, and hurt more.

Any of this sound familiar? You might be one of the many walking wounded youth workers.

The Walking Wounded

I’ve met so many youth workers with stories of work-related hurt, rejection, stress and loss. Some stories are past tense, yet with an obvious weight still carried around their neck like a milestone on a chain. Others happen in real time. I regularly meet youth workers who are, knowingly or unknowingly, the walking wounded.

Is it you? If so, it’s time to act.

If you’re trapped in a job that is literally draining your health, disempowering your work, abating your healthy relationships, and sucking dry your connection with God then that is not ok.

It’s not normal, and it’s not ok. At least not for any prolonged period of time.

Sure ‘it’s ok to not be ok’ – fine, but staying trapped is a bad plan for getting ok again.

God called you to thrive in your mission and ministry through a network of healthy relationships, empowering and releasing worship, connecting church membership, and a growing, accountable connection to authority.

If this isn’t happening, then something somewhere has to give.

Wounds or scars?

When I was a walking wounded youth worker, I remembered these lyrics from Simon and Garfunkel’s seminal song ‘The Boxer’, and felt painful empathy. Even today they bring a tear to my eye, and a heavy lump to my throat when I remember just how it felt to carry those wounds:

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev’ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains

The hardest thing about carrying wounds is to take the necessary steps to allow the wounds to heal. Treatment is often uncomfortable, awkward, painful, and even debilitating for a time. You have to trust yourself to others, become vulnerable and exposed, and make big decisions that acknowledge and repair the hurt.

Deep wounds will often leave a scar, but a scar is not a wound. It’s a reminder of pain – and that can hurt too – but it’s not the same as real-time pain.

For me, even when I left a difficult job, I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – so I would relive rather than just remember the pain – keeping the wounds from scaring. It wasn’t until a few years later that I saw a therapist and started to address them properly that the hurt began to change shape.

Without treatment, wounds won’t become scars, they will remain as wounds, and you will continue to be the walking wounded, then the crawling wounded, and ultimately just the wounded.

What can you do?

  • It might be you need a clarifying, honest, and vulnerable conversation with your leadership.
  • You could think about talking to a professional therapist or person-centred counsellor.
  • You could list your aims and objectives and think – honestly – about what needs to change to see them happen.
  • You could try to measure your work against realistic and achievable outcomes.
  • You could take your days off and holidays more consistently. Turn your phone off for a while.
  • You could mentally recategorise your work context from local ministry to hostile mission.
  • There might be conferences, networks, and support groups to connect with.

OR…

You might just need to get out.

At some point the poop needs to hit the fan. As much as I value and respect youth workers who say they want to be in it for the long haul, that long haul doesn’t begin if you’re always in defence mode. You can be in a position for ten years and not see any growth or maturity.

You might need a conversation.

I’m happy to chat (timgoughuk@gmail.com), but better somebody who knows you well. Pray. Think. Talk.

 

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