My biggest youth work confessions

I never studied youth work.

I did two modules in youth ministry at Oak Hill, and one in youth mission at Cliff College. That’s it. I don’t have a degree in youth work, a JNC, or any other youth-related qualifications. Nada. Instead, I trained as a pastor and a church planter. I’ve read widely, but I’m not a trained youth worker in the formal sense.

I never wanted to be a youth worker.

I fell into it after training to be a pastor and trying (and failing) to get a job as a pastor at age twenty-one. Youth work wasn’t in my plans, even though that was the only thing I really had any experience of. Praise God that he dragged me into it after all!

I don’t really like youth work culture.

There’s weird tribalism across the church, and youth work is no exception. I always felt uncomfortable at youth work conferences and out of place in training events. I really don’t like youth work games or music at these things, and I feel strange when the guys on stage dress like the kids they lead. I often feel like myself and other youth workers are just pulling in different directions. I think lots of youth workers are just weird… but maybe it’s me!

I don’t think youth workers are pastors.

I think we’re actually called to be ministry ‘facilitators‘; adding specialist projects to the church, support to the Pastor, and training for the congregation. We are certainly called to do pastoral work (small p), but we’re not shepherds of our own flocks.

Soul Survivor always made me feel conflicted.

It’s not necessarily a theology thing (although the Christology could have done with some work!), and I don’t necessarily ‘dislike’ it. I’ve taken groups maybe ten times. But it did feel like a messy melting pot of unhinged and unguarded emotionalism. Take twenty young people, have them camp together for a week, add masses of sugar, rain, and dehydration, take away their usual sleep, then get them to sit on the floor for 4-6 hours a day listening to high-empathy talks and bass-heavy music. Then try to help them understand what a Christian life really looks like in comparison! …and we wonder why they’re confused?

I broke into my own office, which resulted in the police dusting for prints… and I didn’t tell anybody.

I was about to go on holiday and left my keys on my office desk by mistake, shutting the door on the way out. So, I climbed over a wall, jimmied the window open, and made a fishing rod out of a snooker cue and gaffer tape, retrieving the keys. When I got back two weeks later, I found out that the caretaker had reported a break in, and the police had come dusting for prints. I decided not to say anything.

I once received a serious concussion while raft building, went on to give a talk covered in blood, and then drove myself to the hospital.

I have no idea, to this day, what I said in that talk. I wonder if it was any good?

I went a whole year without taking a day off.

This was in my first full time ministry position, and I found myself in quite a difficult working environment. I felt unable to take time off, and even when I tried, I would often get ‘urgent’ calls from other members of staff.

I’m far better with ‘non-typical’ kids.

I was always a weird kid growing up, so I’ve tried to build youth groups for kids who don’t do youth groups. I rarely connect with ‘typical’ young people. Instead, my groups have always been full of nerds, artists, social outcasts, intellectuals, and those with additional needs.

I once told a young person to ‘shut up’.

I did this in my first session of being a full-time youth worker. Bad call. Bad shout. Stupid thing to do.

I think ‘doors always open’ policies are stupid.

Youth workers are not parents, and are definitely not the Holy Spirit, and sometimes they need to have their doors closed and their phones off. An always on youth worker is a sometimes off mum, or a partially available husband. Sometimes we’re meant to be ‘off the clock.’  We’re not supposed to be surrogate mums and dads. Instead I think we should provide access to a surrogate family in the church.

I’ve eaten a whole box of out-of-date tuck-shop chocolate bars in one sitting… several times.

Yup.

I think we exist because church is often rubbish.

I think youth work, as it exists today, is largely in place because Church became more about protecting an institution rather than growing as a movement. Poop. This means Church itself, as we understand it, is missing some key features in order to truly be ‘Church’ as described in the New Testament. This also means churches often don’t ‘work’ for young people. This is not because they aren’t cool or relevant enough, but because the baseline assumptions are built on something other than healthy ecclesiology.

Youth work has seriously affected my health.

I left my first job with PTSD, severe stress, and an incredible dependency on adrenaline, which my body unnaturally produced in unhealthy quantities. I was also dangerously underweight. It took years, including medication and counselling, to find some measure of health and normalcy. I’m still not all the way there yet, but God is good and I’m always on the mend.

I nearly quit, and retrained as a tree surgeon.

After an awful experience in my first full-time role, I decided to quit. I was done with youth work, done with Christian people, and done with church. But God wasn’t done with me, which is about when He moved us on to the amazing place we are now. However, I did get quite good with a chainsaw and a billhook!

I dyed my hair pink for charity – which went very badly.

I had my hair professionally dyed pink to raise money for a building project, which lasted over a year and permanently damaged my roots so that my hair began to fall out. I looked like Johnny Rotten for the first three months, and Bagpuss for the rest of the year. Not a good look.

I broke a wooden column in a listed building… and didn’t tell anybody.

I climbed up the side of it, grabbed the oak moulding at the top, which then broke off. I fell to the floor and it fell on top of me. However, I found that I could push it back on to the old nails, and it looked good as new. Shhhh…

I’ve ‘winged’ entire talks and whole sessions.

There’s been more than a few times that I’ve shown up without any prep and just thrown something together on the fly. This can work out when you’ve been in the game a while, but I also think it shows a shocking lack of respect for your young people.

I often feel quite alone.

Progressive Christians too easily write me off as being Reformed (I’m not, really) while more conservative Christians write me off as being liberal (I’m really not). Some of my theology falls under one category, some another. I genuinely try to follow my Bible, which in some cases has lead me to question standard narratives on both sides.

I have pretty thin skin.

I’ve spent much of my career trying to avoid getting hurt (the undiscussed dark side of people-pleasing). I’ve had some horrible experiences that I’d like to forget, and too often complaints and criticism drag those things back up. I’m working through shame and trying to understand 1) how to grieve, 2) how to have an argument, and 3) that I really can’t control what people think.

I genuinely think I wrote a good book.

It’s so weird being a Christian and an author, especially the whole ‘self-publicity’ thing. The amount of caveats you have to add is just silly and verges on dehumanising. However, I do think Rebooted is a genuinely good book. I’m really proud of it and worked really hard to write it. I was also really honest and vulnerable in it. I wish more people would read it, review it and recommend it. I think it’s actually a really important book too – but if I push it any harder… (insert self-publicity caveat here).

I wish youth groups, on the whole, didn’t exist.

Young people shouldn’t be sequestered in youth work. They have always been instrumental to God’s plans, and integral to His purposes for church. Why, then, do we insist on keeping them out of it? If I was ‘king for a day’ I would put young people on every eldership board and preaching rota. I think youth groups should always have some important, independent place in ministry, but within a much more significant church community, made up of all ages that are intentionally together. Youth work, in my opinion, should mostly be a specialist vehicle used for mission, family support, and individual discipleship, not the ‘main place’ for young people in church.

I really want young people to know Jesus – and that’s really all I want.

I care about young people growing up right, etc. etc. but all I really care about is that they know Jesus. I don’t mind so much if they don’t go to church for a while, struggle with their Bible, are smokers, swear too much, watch Game of Thrones, or are even working out their sexual identity. This is all really important, but we can work any of that out later. I just want them to know Jesus first. Then steal the rest.

Photo by Shalone Cason on Unsplash