Advocating for Women in Youth Ministry – we really must do better!

A couple of years ago I received a bit of pushback to my 11 essential youth ministry books because none of them were written by women.

My response was that this, unfortunately, is the reality of the market. For every youth work book written by a woman there are dozens written by men. There is an enormous problem with the body language of youth ministry towards women.

Women and Youth Ministry

I’m always nervous writing on topics like this because I don’t want to come across as a yet another entitled, white, middle-class man, swooping in like a hero-ninja-knight trying to rescue women. Women don’t need rescuing by men who think they’ve got all the answers. But it’s time that the wisdom, experience and voice of women is promoted, listened to, valued and learned from. And this will mean that men like me must be willing to advocate for women.

Women have been immensely mistreated across leadership in the Church, and – even though there have always been more female youth ministers than female ministers generally – they are still seen as second-rate workers for the Gospel.

This is just wrong.

A few years back I collected stories from 40 women in youth ministry. These were shocking to the core. They included lines like:

“For about a year, I had people tell me I needed to hurry up and find a man because, being a woman, I couldn’t relate to boys. Two years later, they told me to be more ladylike so I could relate to the girls, because I’m only good at relating to the boys (I’ve always been a tomboy). Also, there are some concerns that me wearing men’s clothing may make my girls lesbian?”

and

“Do you know how many job descriptions have the words he/him/his? And then I have gotten responses back with one question: “Are you a man?” I have two degrees in student ministry and have volunteered for nearly 15 years in various capacities but rarely get any response.”

also

“I am the children’s minister at our church, note I am paid staff. I was told last week I wasn’t allowed to go on the staff retreat bc I was a woman…. my husband could go and “represent” me.”

This doesn’t just come from the culture of youth work, but from the Church as a whole, and even from churches hiring women as youth workers. Although there is a growing openness, there still seems to be a generational plague of views that see a woman in ministry as somehow less than a man.

I know that I’m less traditional on women in church leadership than many of my evangelical brothers and sisters. I believe that women in leadership is supported by the Bible and should be practiced in the Church today. This is not that post, however, so for now I’ll just point towards an excellent exposition of this from Bishop Tom Wright.

Where would youth ministry be without women?

Some of the most amazing youth workers I’ve ever met have been women. My own teams have always had incredibly wise and able women in them – and my ministry suffers without them. My own experiences aside, however, the shape of youth ministry today owes a lot to female influence.

There are, of course some important youth ministry books written by women, including ‘God-bearing Life’ by Kenda Creasy Dean and ‘Youthwork’ by Sally Nash. There are women heading up a huge amount of the accredited youth ministry training across the UK including Alice Smith at St. Mellitus, Alia Pike at Nazarene, Mel Lacey at Oak Hill, Dr. Sally Nash at CYM, and – until very recently – Dr. Carolyn Edwards at Cliff College, and now York Diocese. The editors of Premier Youth and Children’s Work Magazine are women (Ruth Jackson, Jess Lester and previously Emily Howarth). There’s also Naomi Allen heading up Open Doors Youth, and Chioma Fanawopo leading Release Potential. About 60% of National Youth for Christ staff are women, about 70% of Youthscape’s, and almost half of Scripture Union’s.

This represents a significant amount of influence in shaping the development of future practitioners. Youth ministry would look immensely different without women’s significant influence in shaping it.

So what can we do?

Balance for balance sake is surely not the answer. We should hire and support those with a clear calling and measurable gifting without taking sex into the equation. My concern, however, is that a lot of the standards we measure gifting and calling against have been inherently masculine for quite some time. We often have this bias at play, even when it’s not explicitly stated. We might believe we’re trying to hire ‘the right person for the job, regardless’ yet still have subliminally pictured a man in the role and so measured candidates against that image.

Levelling the playing field must start, therefore, at the heart level, looking inwards at our attitudes, not just outwards at our hiring and management practices. It’s important to remove the bias from our rules and structures, but on its own, that is just not enough. We should first address our biases in our own minds and attitudes. This is where the change has to come from. There’s lots of dark areas that might need lighting up, and impertinent questions that need to be asked.

At very least, can we love our co-workers in Christ, and see them first as professionals? We are partners in the Gospel, seeking the same goals, and shooting at the same targets – together.

I’m really proud that over half of the contributors to YouthWorkHacks are women and my own book includes two amazing sidebars written by women: Dr. Sam Richards and Rachel Turner. In fact, the YouthWorkHacks audience in 2019 was 58% female. I don’t mention this to make me look balanced, but because these women have contributed massively to the message that I care so much about. They have written with grace, wisdom and power, and they have taken my work to levels it just couldn’t have gone without them.

There’s so much more to do

A few days ago, my wife and I celebrated 12 years of marriage together. Sharing life together has been an unmatched privilege and the greatest adventure of my life. I, however, am not the cutting edge of our partnership; Jesus is. Our life together has been built by mutual submission and sacrifice to one another (Eph. 5:21) – letting Jesus be the final leader of our growth together. If I was to strip Katie of any authority in our marriage, I would certainly be worse off for it. I need her, she needs me, and we both need Jesus – together.

The way the church has treated women in youth ministry (and across all ministry) is shocking. We need to do all that we can to remedy, restore, and reconcile this litany of subversive abuse. Men shouldn’t just try to be heroes, but they can be advocates. Let’s be more aware, more open, more professional, more bold, and far more humble towards (and on behalf of) our fellow co-workers in Christ.

There’s much more to say, and much has already been said by people far more qualified than I am. This is neither a last word nor a first, but to my brothers, let’s just try harder for the sake our sisters, the sake of our ministries, the sake our young people, and the sake of the Gospel. There’s a lot to put right, so let’s be advocates, so we truly can be partners.

Ps. Some writers to check out…

There are some truly amazing female writers, pastors, and thinkers out there. Take some time to check out:

• Rachel Tuner
• Sally Nash
• Kendra Creasy-Dean
• Rachel Gardner
• Kate Coleman
• Bethany Jenkins
• Melissa Kruger
• Trillia Newbell
• Katherine Sondergger
• Amy Orr-Ewing
• Kristen Deede Johnson
• Bethany Hanke Hoang
• Elaine Padilla
• Kara Powell
• Frances Young
• Gloria Furman
• Nancy Guthrie
• Kathleen Nielson
• Jen Wilkin

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash