Responding to The Game of Thrones Debate

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Game of Thrones. Is it the gloves off, gruesome, grim and gristly opiate for the masses – or the fantastical story that grapples with the true complexities of human experience? Is it right for a Christian to watch it for entertainment, or perhaps missional research – or should they steer clear of it all-together?

Could this be a random cracking of the whip? Like Sabrina prompted last year, Deadpool three years ago, or Harry Potter ten plus years ago? It’s topics like these which become convergence points of fixation from both the heavy-grace (everything is permissible!) and heavy-law (not everything is beneficial!) extremes of the evangelical wings.

These debates create new heroes and villains, they scratch some deep itches, and they rehash the prohibition controversies from our protestant histories. They can also be quite sad.

We do love a good ‘what should we eat, drink, wear, watch, play, read, listen-to’ dispute, don’t we? I wonder if we would just get bored without them – what would we do without a pointy wedge issue on what we should consume? Paul said, ‘do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink’ (Col. 2:16), and Jesus said, ‘do not be anxious… is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?’ (Mt. 6:25). It’s almost as if they knew, go figure.

Without these debates, we might have to actually talk about Jesus more directly, which oddly makes us squirm just a little more than is entirely decent.

The gauntlet

A few weeks ago, British Youth for Christ National Director Neil O’Boyle wrote a post on relativism and our media consumption titled ‘why youth workers shouldn’t be watching Game of Thrones’ (GoT). The big take away was to respect the enormous amount of responsibility that comes when leading young people. It’s all too easy for them to take our actions as their permissions.

That’s a hard-hitting challenge that needs to be grappled with at every level of leadership. That’s the responsibility that any parent or leading adult has for the development of young people. Neil said:

‘I’m sure by now I have jarred you. I didn’t mean to. I guess all I’m asking as influencers and culture setters is: Are we inconsistent? And are our inconsistencies unhelpful to a younger person’s walk with Jesus?’

Even if we’re someone who likes to binge-watch Baywatch while chain-smoking – tell me we heard that? We want to fiercely pursue holiness and invite young people to join us on that journey, even if it means giving up something that we like. What Christian among us really wants to challenge this idea – isn’t sacrifice and humility at the very centre of our faith after all?

Cards on the table – I know Neil. I’m one of the 50-80 youth workers he mentioned in that article that benefits directly from his rich experience and considered example. Full disclosure: I think Neil is a ledge.

Sure, Neil’s article didn’t solidly settle in too many places. It was, after all, a gentle challenge on a hugely sticky topic. I’m suspicious that the title was actually an editorial addition, rather than Neil’s original? (Correct me if I’m wrong, Emily!). I think this is really unfortunate as that title colours the whole post, and it changes the way it reads – especially if you already have a strong opinion on the show.

The reaction

In response, Youth and Student Pastor, Alan Gault essentially wrote what is known in journalism as ‘a takedown piece’ in order to counter Neil’s view. It was a little blunt. If all I had got to go on was the tone of the two pieces, then I’d warm to Neil’s and recoil from Alan’s. The real issue though is that Alan’s article didn’t grapple with that central gut-hitting challenge from Neil about our inconsistency.

Instead, Alan reached around Neil, and clung to the title ‘why a Christian shouldn’t…’ Alan said, ‘I find the majority of reasons given by Neil to have their own problems and I find his blanket ban unnecessary.’ Which reasons and what ban? Other than the title, GoT is only mentioned once in Neil’s article, and just as an example of a much wider issue.

Alan battled a monstrous, legislative ‘They’, and caricatured Neil (as representing this force) as putting down a ‘blanket ban’ rather than carefully considering what he really wrote.

Relativism is a cultural phenomenon which goes far beyond simple moral subjectivity. Neil was calling us to consider our example to those we lead in the middle of such a vulnerable and uncertain culture. This wasn’t legislative, it was, however, a deliberate challenge.

I believe that Alan wrote a reaction to a strawman, rather than a response to an idea. It may have galvanised the GoT-loving side of the fence, and rattled those who abstain, but I don’t think it promoted any real dialogue outside the respective echo chambers.

As Christians we need to talk and listen to each other with generosity. Without this there’s no edification or building one another up in Christ happening at all. Before we get to the content then, let’s start with respecting that we’ll know each other in heaven, and disagreements should come with brotherly affection.

The thing behind the thing

What’s a shame about this is that I think Alan was on to something. Once you concede he wasn’t really responding to Neil, there were some real nuggets of gold in his post.

Alan was trying to make us think about grace. We can’t legislate people into the Kingdom, nor can we set strict universal boundaries over our growth – especially when triggers may be very different for different people. Alan reminded us about the wildly varied contexts that are involved in individual walks, the complexities of messy lives, and the primacy of the promptings of the Holy Spirit in the changing of those lives. He encouraged us to think upon the Jesus who hung out with the dregs of society. Fab! This too deserves to be grappled with, and I imagine Neil would heartily nod along with all of these things.

If Alan focused on these pieces and wrote that post convincingly, I think it might have added to the conversation here – and iron would have had a chance to sharpen iron. He didn’t, however, and it hasn’t.

What was the problem?

For me, the main issue is I think Alan’s post accidentally cheapened the Bible in favour of entertainment. I’m sure he’d be horrified that I thought that but let me explain.

Alan identified passages in the Bible that contain explicit and graphic sex and violence. He said we shouldn’t, therefore, use sex and violence alone as a reason not to watch similar content in GoT. Some of these passages were implied rather than graphic (Noah and his son from Gen. 9:18-27), and others were metaphoric rather than explicit (Song of Songs throughout). None of them were qualified or discussed and all of them needed to be given in context.

If I was marking Alan’s post as an undergrad theology paper (which it wasn’t), then I would push him quite hard on proof-texting. He selected a group of somewhat random passages that contain what he said was gratuitous sex and violence and then presented them together with false cohesion.

Ek. 23:20, for instance, needs to be read in light of Ek. 14-23: The storyline is the adulterous woman (Israel) and the lover (God) against adulterous lovers (other nations), the issue being idolatry and worship (23:49). Song of Solomon is a dramatic and intimate exploration of the love of God and the worship of His people. The Conquering of Canaan sits in a context of God’s promises to Moses and Abraham, against idol-worshipping pagan nations. The David and Bathsheba story needs to be approached in tension with Ps. 51 and 2 Sam. 12. All of these passages need to be read while keeping the Bible’s full perspective of heaven and redemption in mind. This is the unique worldview of the Bible lived out in the person of Jesus who we aspire to in all our choices today. This is not the general worldview of TV.

You can’t, therefore, just pluck stories out of the Bible for containing similar ideas, ignore the original contexts, group them together indiscriminately, and then present them as a whole to justify today’s consumption choices. That’s hermeneutically naughty! *Slaps wrist.*

Then there’s the logical issue with the argument.

Even if we grant the premise (the Bible is full of [unqualified] stories of gratuitous sex and violence), the conclusion doesn’t then follow.

I once had a young person use exactly this same argument including some of the very same Bible references to explain why it was ok for him to watch pornography. This is unfortunately what happens when you draw too straight a line between two very different things like the Bible and TV. Philosophers call this the fallacy of false equivalence.

For the argument to work as presented, we would need to assume that reading and viewing are the same thing and that both would affect people in the same way. We would need to assume the acts of sex and violence are treated in the same way in both the Bible and GoT and then assume that Paul’s call to purity (Eph. 5:3) along with Jesus’ call to holiness (Mt. 5:28) doesn’t directly apply to those racy and brutal Bible stories. Putting that another way, we would need to isolate those verses from the wider voice of the Bible. We would probably need to assume that there’s no real distinction between art and history as well. Mostly though, I think we would need to assume that both the Bible and GoT were made by the same type of creator with the same kind of purpose.

The issue here is not elevating GoT to the same place as the Bible, but rather depreciating the Bible to be comparable with GoT. This is the Word of God – it’s not just another piece of media. They are simply not comparable.

Sex and violence in the Bible are not enough to warrant viewing sex and violence for entertainment today.

Isn’t everything permissible?

Alan misquoted 1 Cor. 6 as saying ‘everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful.’ We can’t get at him too much, however, because almost everyone misquotes Paul here! What’s missing is the quote marks, but oh boy do they make a difference.

Paul is playing devil’s advocate by slightly sarcastically pseudo-quoting his Corinthian reader saying ‘hey, but I’m saved by grace, so I can do whatev, right? Who are you to tell me no?’

The examples Paul gives for this are cheating someone (v.7, 10), wrongdoing (9), sexual immorality and promiscuity (9, 18-20), stealing, getting drunk, and mocking (10). Because of these things church members were taking legal action against each other (1-6) and the terrible result was increasing division (vv.1-6, 7, 14-16).

On one side of the division there was a misapplication of grace and on the other a misapplication of law. Paul was directly addressing the issues on the first side in the beginning of his pseudo-quote, ‘everything is permissible’. It might just as well read, ‘Hey, I can steal, get drunk, and mock people, right? Who are you to tell me no?’

Alan said ‘is watching Game of Thrones permissible? Yes! Is it helpful? That is for you to figure out’. Is that a legitimate way of using this passage? Only as much as saying something like ‘is murder permissible? Yes! Is it helpful?’ A murderer isn’t barred from the Kingdom of God, but that doesn’t mean crack on.

Using a devil’s advocate quote of Paul as a propositional way for us to measure our consumption choices is altogether the opposite of what Paul was trying to do.

Yes, it’s about grace, but it’s about holiness too. The word ‘helpful’ here (συμφέρει) is exactly the same word used by Jesus in Matt. 5:29 when he tells us that it’s better (more helpful) to pluck out our eyes and cut off our hands if they could possibly cause us to sin. Thinking about Neil’s original post, it’s also the same word used in Matt. 18:6, when Jesus said it would be better (more helpful) for us to be drowned than cause a ‘little one’ to sin.

And there’s the point. What standard do we set for holiness, and what things will we sacrifice for it? Is it permissible? Sure – in the broadest possible way in that it won’t block the gate to heaven. But does it ultimately bring glory to God, unity to His church, and provide a consistent standard to His children? Do our actions – including what we watch on TV – bring the waveforms of our hearts more in line with God’s, or do they clash? Do our habits resonate with or detract from the strength and clarity of our full-throated pursuit of worship? This is the truer reading of 1 Cor. 6.

So…. can a Christian watch GoT?

I wouldn’t and I don’t. I know my issues and my temptations and by spending two minutes on IMDB Parent’s Guide I decided that it wouldn’t be good for me. I love fantastical fiction, but I decided to take a pass on this. My wife, however, is a whole other person and – although she doesn’t watch it either – her own set of triggers and values would be different to mine and these would inform her differently too. I don’t want to be overly prescriptive, therefore, although I would take some convincing that watching GoT would be actively helpful for a Christian’s walk with God. I certainly wouldn’t recommend it to anyone legally too young to watch it, which would be most of my young people.

I don’t imagine it’s an easy watch for a Christian, or a helpful watch for pursuing purity, although I concede it’s probably entertaining and interesting. I think it’s always worth asking the question: can I worship God with this? I think, in fact, that there are a few much better questions to ask than ‘should you’? (You can read an old article of mine on ChurchLeaders about this here), and we could converse together over this and other topics much better than we do.

As British Telecom famously said: It’s good to talk.

 

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How to pick a youth ministry training course

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Since writing my post on why you should train for ministry, I have had a couple of emails asking my opinions on various courses. With that in mind, I thought I’d write this.

There are three basic things to look out for when you visit potential training courses: Curriculum content, community support, and outside opportunities.

Curriculum content

Whatever the particular focus, each youth ministry curriculum should include these four areas. They might be labelled differently, or be mixed into various modules, but I think the core should still be there:

Theological foundation

How to handle the Bible, think theologically, and grapple with historic doctrine. There should be exegetical training, along with time spent on the fundamentals of systematic theology. This should not be reduced to only include things obviously pertinent to youth ministry. You might also want to make sure they sign up to mainstream creeds, or are members of something like the Evangelical Alliance.

Youth work theory

How does youth work interact with the disciplines of theology, psychology, history, education, sociology, and politics? Evaluation of various models, and time spent on things like contextualised mission, vision and strategy, and church integration. This should ideally include a little bit of counselling theory too.

Youth work practice

How to operate a youth ministry in safe and legal way including developing a team, managing volunteers, safeguarding, data protection, and health and safety law. How to create projects, evaluate, and change them, and how to work in tandem with the wider vision of the church. This should also include self-care, crisis response and reflective practice.

Ethics and apologetics

How to facilitate healthy conversations and manage discussions around complex areas. How to respond appropriately to the most frequently asked questions by teenagers. How to talk with nuance and subtlety, learning to think critically in an emotionally complex tapestry of personalities.

Community support

Some courses will offer you more of a community environment than others. There are three things I’d be looking for.

Spiritual engagement

Is it common practice to pray during lectures? Are there regular chapel services, prayer meetings, and compulsory student support style groups? Do students have personal tutors, and is there an emphasis on spiritual growth in those times? Are families encouraged to get involved? Are you going to grow your heart in tandem with your head? Linked with this is how accessible and open are your professors?

Student body

It’s important to look at things like age and gender spread, but also consider if there is a particular theological leaning, church background, or class type. Will your connections be superficial, or strong and lasting? On the flip side could you be too comfortable and not challenged? Is there a student union with reps, social events, and recognition by a national body? An NUS card is a wonderful thing!

Partnerships

Are they in an ivory tower, shouting at the world and never interacting with it? Who do they run events with and what projects do they share? Who else uses their buildings? Which visiting speakers do they regularly invite? Is the course actually accredited and recognised?

Outside opportunities

The best degrees are supported by relevant experience that you can get locally. The following are all ways of making sure you won’t be living in a bubble for three years.

Volunteering

Are the churches and organisations nearby that you can volunteer for beyond any official placement scheme? Can you develop your experience in a personally crafted way?

Social

Are there places like sports clubs, bars, cinemas, and gyms that you could meet non-Christians? Can you continue with your hobbies? Will you be able to let your hair down outside the confines of the course?

Employment

Is it possible for you to hold a part-time job in the area? Does the course allow for working alongside studying?

Conclusion

There’s always a X factor to these things, and you have to follow where God leading you, but I hope these three areas are a good place to start.

You can go further and delve into things like lecture delivery style, chances for further study, how epic their library is, what bursaries are available, what the accommodation and food is like, is there adequate study and social areas, the climate, and how employers view the place etc. – but I hope these three essential areas will start you on the right path.

Check out the websites, visit the colleges, and ask lots of questions. Most of all be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit and have lots of fun!

 

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Why train for ministry?

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Because you should.

I’ve written several posts now about the pros and cons of training. I’ve tried to gently and persuasively spell out why it’s a good idea. If I was to be a little bit more honest and franker however, that I’d say you actually need a really, really good reason not to train.

Ministry is not about you. It’s about Jesus and it’s about those that you serve. If you’ve got the opportunity, therefore, then you should give God that intentional time to shape you to be ready for those people. You owe it to your future congregation to spend less time playing trial-and-error, and more time building intentionally on a solid foundation.

Why would you not train if you have the opportunity?

If you want to take ministry seriously as a calling and not just a vocation, then you’ve got to think of your life in terms of decades and not years. This means portioning out serious time for ministry training.

You can always build experience later, but you can’t build a foundation later, especially not when you’re already several floors up.

Why train?

Because you’ll learn how to handle the Bible.

You’ll learn how to preach better.

You’ll gain an understanding of different learning styles.

You’ll start to ask better questions.

You’ll play test ideas.

You’ll examine things that have already been done.

You develop practices critically without responsibility – which means you won’t hurt anybody if you get something wrong.

You’ll meet a band of brothers and sisters to grow with.

You’ll learn to engage more critically, developing nuance and subtlety.

You’ll be evaluated by people who know more than you do.

You’ll learn in community not just isolation (which is how the Bible was designed to be read).

You’ll do more reflective practice.

You’ll receive formal recognition that you have reached an understood standard – making you more employable.

If you feel a call to ministry then don’t see training as only one potential option. See it as the obvious main path, and only choose a different one if God lays it clearly in front of you.

Training is so important. I believe that one of the main reasons so many youth ministers quit after just one contract period, is simply because they weren’t trained to hit the ground running in the first place.

Training can be better, and it certainly could be cheaper, and you might even end up picking the wrong place for you and then need to change. But this doesn’t make training a bad option. Please, if you’ve written it off, think – and then think again.

 

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Is UK youth ministry too American and too male? – A response.

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I love the blogosphere in youth ministry. It’s really important to have regular conversing voices on the table sharpening our work. One of the better youth ministry blogs out there is James Ballentine’s. James is a great thinker with bags of experience. I particularly would like to recommend:

What if our youth practices are the trigger for young peoples challenging behaviour.

What role do you want young people to have in church?

and

Accepting rest amid the storm

Last weekend James published an important challenge about American influence and male dominance over youth ministry – particularly in publishing. It was a stark challenge, and I think he is absolutely right! Many people have engaged with the post on twitter, and I’m glad that it is gaining traction.

I’m James’ brother on both of his issues, however I feel that without recognising some omissions he made, a reader could easily assume that I’m his opponent. This is not the case, and for posterity I would like to make that abundantly clear.

I stand with him on both issues – particularly the second. Youth workers, we must do better to support the immense and important ministry of our highly gifted and qualified sisters in Christ. Sometimes that just means us getting out of the way, but other times, like James has, we need to make noise.

The unfortunate thing, however, is that James used a recent post of mine as a springboard into his two points, and – I’m sure unintentionally – made me look like a bit of a negative poster-boy of those issues.

I think this is a little unfortunate. I’m sure James didn’t mean to hurt me or steer people into labelling me either. Perhaps in his rush to get to the meat of the issue, I just suffered the whip of his brevity.

In that vein I’d like to post a couple of clarifications in the hope that gracious conversation and level hearts will prevail.

(Quick note: I sent this to James before posting, and he responded incredibly graciously and humbly. Full credit to him!)

American Influence

Yup. Bang on! Youth ministry is a multi-million-dollar exercise across the pond, and frankly it only gets the financial dregs over here in the UK. The differences between the two are significant.

A while back I wrote this post – identifying just a few of the differences we should be aware of. It’s not a full picture, and – as someone rightly pointed out to me recently – it woefully neglects the specific issues of gender, race, and disability. There’s obviously much more to be said.

It’s also important to understand that YouthWorkHacks is read by an equal mix of both US and UK practitioners, and my list intentionally reflects that readership.

Selective use of my post

James’ post bypasses my careful and specific mentions of American influence.

Most importantly under the heading ‘Elephants in the room’ I write:

“Some books I’ve missed out not because they’re unsound or unhelpful, but because they really only work for an American context, and prove less useful over here in the UK. They include Purpose Driven Youth Work by Doug Fields and This Way to Youth Ministry by Duffy Robbins. Great books in their place, but that place is probably not post-Christendom 21st Century UK.”

Also, under Senter I write: “it needs to be read alongside something like Pete Ward’s Growing Up Evangelical for a UK perspective.”

And under Fields: “it’s probably more helpful for an American context, or for bigger churches, but still full of wise tidbits nonetheless.”

I think it’s an oversight to not mention any of this awareness when highlighting the list for being heavily American influenced.

The list in my post reflects the nature of the publishing market – which I think is the better thing to critique, rather than my favourite few from it.

Finally, I’m sure the five American authors in the list would themselves like me to point out that, in the case of all but Doug Fields, they are strong advocates against traditional American youth ministry. Their books (particularly DeVries) are actually very helpful for a UK context regardless of their origin.

Women authorship

I am a passionate advocate for women in Youth Ministry. My young people need their voices, and so do I as a leader.

This is why over half of the contributors to YouthWorkHacks are women. My own book includes two amazing sidebars written by women: Dr. Sam Richards and Rachel Turner. You can see a little more of my heart for women in youth ministry – along with more on the extent of the problem – here.

That said, more can and should be done, and I’m in a position of influence to give more ears to the issue. I’m happy to do so and James has challenged me to do exactly that.

The issue again, however, is the shape of the market, not my selections from it.

Very few youth ministry books are authored by women, although there are fabulous titles written by women (God-bearing Life by Kenda Creasy Dean, or Youthwork by Sally Nash for instance). This is slightly easier in the family’s ministry world. The only books I mentioned in my post under this category are written by women: “Check out anything by Rachel Turner, or the classic Family Ministry by Diana Garland.”

I would also like to take this opportunity to celebrate the amazing women heading up a lot of the accredited youth ministry training in the UK. This includes Alice Smith at St. Mellitus, Alia Pike at Nazarene, Mel Lacey at Oak Hill, Dr. Sally Nash at CYM, and – until very recently (soon to be Dr.) Carolyn Edwards at Cliff College, and now York Diocese. There’s a significant amount of influence in shaping the development of future practitioners. The extent of their reach is exponential and I look forward to more books because of it!

James is right though. We all have to do better, and I would like to be a part of the effort.

Conclusion

James is bang on about the issues, however I felt compelled to write this to show that I’m with him and not against him.

I’m glad James posted the link to my original post, but without reading that, or knowing me personally, and without any statement from James to the contrary, the reader will likely equate me with those issues, which I think is unfair.

I hope I have done enough here to show that these issues have been with me already for some time, which is why I appreciate James’ fiery passion, and want to stand with him on the front line.

In Christ.

Tim

(Quick note: I sent this to James before posting, and he responded incredibly graciously and humbly. Full credit to him!)

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A reader’s digest history of youth ministry

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For the history-nuts among us, I thought I would put out a readers-digest of the history of modern youth ministry. This includes a few significant social-historical events that have genuinely influenced the direction and shape of Western Youth Ministry that we see today.

Have fun!

18th-19th Century

Age-specific ministry began during The Industrial Revolution when children worked six-day weeks instead of receiving formal education. In response Robert Raikes developed Sunday School, an age-segregated environment that taught religion and literacy. Sunday Schools replaced the larger ‘children’s church’ meetings that existed, streaming them into smaller age groups.

When state-mandated midweek education took over teaching in the 1870s, Sunday Schools became purely Bible focused.

Following this, The Society of Christian Endeavour (SCE) was founded as a participative, relationship-oriented gathering to help older children transition into church. SCE meetings tended to be large, sometimes multi-denominational, mid-day gathering of young people into their twenties with Bible study around a meal. It grew quickly and was well integrated into the life of the church.

Pre WW2

The SCE movement grew until the 1940s when it was overshadowed by parachurch organisations. This was the beginning of the end of the SCE meetings.

During this time, psychologists had just presented the ground-breaking concept of Adolescence (G. Stanley Hall, 1941), which became more potent in the zeitgeist as drafted young people left home to fight in wars.

By the close of World War II, increasing secularisation was drawing adolescents away from the church, resulting in the need for a more dramatic and intentional missional response to young people.

1940s – 1970s

Denominationally-specific youth fellowships tried to do this with mixed success. It was the parachurch groups Youth for Christ (YFC) and Young Life (YL) that took centre stage. By this point the SCE movement had been totally replaced and had all but disappeared from churches.

YFC led contextually accessible rallies for thousands of young people. YL, however, focused on individual relationship-building. They emphasised ‘winning the right to be heard’, by which they meant ‘gain[ing] the friendship and respect of students before expecting them to listen to the claims of Christ’ (Mark Senter, When God Shows Up, 2010, p.220). This was the first instance of incarnational youth ministry. It was in the 1950s that YL first used that term.

Going back to the 1910 Edinburgh World Mission’s Conference, two Missiologists referenced something called the missio Dei as part of the Church’s mission. Missio Dei, or ‘the mission of God’, reconfigured mission from being church-based (they come to us) to being culture-based (we go to them). This use of missio Dei came to prominence in the 1960s and both YFC and YL grew up saturated in its convictions.

By this part of the 20th Century, the Salvation Army began using choruses on the streets in evangelism, which soon developed into songs in their own right. By the 1950s, these choruses abounded. This – mixed with a sudden evangelical mission to young people in Britain and the Jesus Movement’s desire to embrace the music of culture in America – created entirely new forms of Christian music. This music fashioned an early bridge between the Charismatic renewal of the 70s and the Restoration movement of the 80s, culminating in the ground-breaking and ecumenical hymnbook, Songs of Fellowship. Off the back of this came the rise of Christian bands and alternative youth sub-culture. D.C. Talk were perhaps the most prolific of this kind in America.

1980s

Youth ministry in the following decades developed depersonalised programming in tension with personal relationship-building. Often these represented different strategies and clashed when they came together.

By the late 80s, John Wimber’s visits to St. Andrew’s Chorley Wood gave rise to New Wine and Soul Survivor alongside the already popular Spring Harvest. These festivals gathered a broad range of traditions together and united them through music. They showed that music was a relevant factor in unifying diverse Christian groups, and that it was essential in engaging specifically with the culture of young people.

These large events across Britain (Spring Harvest, New Wine, Soul Survivor) echoed the contextual attraction of early YFC rallies. The ‘worship leader’ became the hero of youth ministry and mission culture, and especially in the UK was supported by popular bands such as Delirious and The World Wide Message Tribe.

In the 80s and 90s, the techniques of these organisations were emulated in some wealthy churches, which then eventually trickled down to the rest of us, creating the modern church-based ‘youth pastor’. These youth pastors developed much of the standard project templates that we use today.

In 1988, Resolution 43 from the Lambeth Conference called ‘the closing years of this millennium a “Decade of Evangelism” with a renewed and united emphasis on making Christ known to the people of his world’.

1990s

by the early 90s contextual church planting, rather than youth-driven initiatives had become the accepted approach to local mission. Building on Resolution 43, the report Breaking New Ground established church planting strategies to ‘underchurched’ areas (1994:9) to ‘attract those who do not normally attend worship’ (35). It was the first widely reported Anglican document that grappled ‘positively’ with how postmodernity might affect how we ‘do church’.

During this time ‘Missional Church’ entered vocabulary, and George Lings began to document examples of contextualised, missional church planting in the Church of England to inspire others in Encounters on the Edge (1999-present). This all sowed early seeds for Fresh Expressions.

In the mid 1990’s with contextualized, relational mission now firmly in the church zeitgeist, there was a resurgence of detached relational work. In America this was driven by the work of Andy Borgman, and in the UK, it was Pete Ward. This represented the ‘second wave’ of incarnational youth ministry with a greater focus on culture.

In the late 90s, early proponents of intergenerational ministry began to publish as an alternative to the two most popular models of the time; incarnational and funnel youth ministry. They (perhaps unknowingly) were recreating some form of the SCE movement. This was a direct response to what they saw as an increasing segregation between ‘church’ and ‘youth’.

2000s

Fresh Expressions – most notably Messy Church, and Café Church – began to gain traction across a few mainstream denominations. A decade after Breaking New Ground came the 2004 Mission-shaped Church [MSC] report. Where Breaking New Ground saw church planting and early forms of fresh expressions as ‘supplements’ to Anglican life which sustained the parish system (Bayes, 2006:10), MSC saw them as entities effectively separate to the governing life of the parish (2004:xi, 12). This — along with supporting Bishops Mission Orders (2007; updated 2008, 2012) — gave Fresh Expressions recognition as authorised ‘expressions’ of the Anglican Church and therefore the ability to define liturgy, leadership, and practices outside the usual confines of Anglican Law.

From MSC came the officially branded Fresh Expressions movement. This was an ecumenical approach to British mission that included six major denominations and three well-known charities as partners. This was the far reaching and widely embraced result of a five-decade paradigm shift. Youth Ministry – as we know it today – largely grew up in this context. It became to be seen by many circles as an informal and broad form of Fresh Expression. This is important considering its projects had pioneered many of the practices largely adopted by the wider spectrum of Fresh Expressions.

Moving our focus back to America, in the 2000s new thinkers revisited incarnational youth ministry with some fresh ideas, most notably Andrew Root and Kendra Creasy-Dean. This was the third wave of incarnational youth ministry. The missional perspective of the church as a whole, however, started to shift its focus to ‘the missing generation’ of 20s and 30s. This was arguably the generation failed by the last decades of youth ministry. Because of this, these key incarnational authors started to branch out, and – especially in the case of Root – began writing to the wider church, rather than simply youth workers.

The popularity of the festivals of the 90s continued into the 2000s and became increasingly blended with an aim to reach young people while engaging with youth culture more specifically. This development was been influenced by modern recording-house based project churches such as Hillsong, Bethel and Jesus Culture.

The Emerging Church Movement of the late 90s and early 2000s took brief centre stage and saw the church as a poor representation of what it was supposed to be. They said it had, as a result, produced shallow or false Christians. Figures like Rob Bell had a strong influence on youth workers – thus youth ministries – across America and the UK.

The last decade

Youth ministry back in America still enjoyed a vibrant training and resourcing market, however in the UK, the number of youth ministers lasting beyond one contract dropped dramatically, and many churches stopped raising money for it. Conferences came and went, and the church started to look with renewed vigor at new missional ideas such as pioneering ministry theory and Fresh Expressions (which in this decade developed partnerships among almost all major denominations in the UK).

There are fewer youth ministers in the UK and fewer people in youth ministry training in the UK than there was ten years ago; however, it must be noted that there were many more ten years ago than there were twenty years ago. We haven’t seen an exponential drop, but rather a spike alongside the missional renewal of the 90s.

There are still great charities and groups offering quality resourcing (Like Youth for Christ, Youthscape, Urban Saints etc.), but the local church youth pastor – upon the models of the last few decades – is certainly struggling.

The future?

Youth Ministry today is a very different beast to it was in the mid 90s, which in turn was different to the 60s-80s, which was also different to the pre-1940s, and different again from the industrial revolution. All these, however, have played an important part in the almost-Frankenstein’s monster of youth ministry approaches we have in the UK today. It is a rich historic tapestry indeed!

Change certainly needs to happen. Youth Ministry needs sounder theological foundations, a clearer relationship with church, a realistic approach to mission, a bold stance both within and outside culture, and a much more solid united identity. It’s still very tribal, a little bit ritualistic, very segregated from the wider body, and (at least in my opinion) is in many cases as deep as a teaspoon.

I’m encouraged, however, to know that as a movement, Youth Ministry is still very young, so there is still lots of clarity to be had, and growth to happen. We are infants, but growth comes with growing, not just groaning.

We don’t have things like the Reformation to look back on as a melting pot for healthy practices to emerge and be challenged by. We don’t have hundreds of years of trial and error to perfect the ultimate ‘lock in.’ We don’t have ancient ecclesiastical giants to look up to as archetypal youth pastors (with perhaps the exception of Mike Yaconelli!). We’re still babies.

Although ministry among young people was happening in some form before the 1940s it was largely part of a broader whole; over-specialisation and the unhelpful compartmentalism we experience today are largely traits of the 20th Century. We may need to go back a little to go forward a lot.

If we want youth ministry to thrive, and for there to be serious competition in the positions we create, then the whole church collective needs to work together towards biblically solid foundations for its future. We need to pull together, not keep looking for tribalized wedge-issues to separate us. There is nothing less than the glory of God and the salvation of young people on the line. Let’s do this together!

I imagine in the years to come that youth ministry will be largely supported by ‘tent-making’ jobs, and (I hope) will learn towards a facilitation model where the worker’s main responsibility will be the enabling of the wider church to do mission and ministry among young people. The future will tell!

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11 Essential Youth Ministry Books

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So I love books. Love em! I like to hold them, smell them, lick them. I love how they look on my shelves. I even like reading them occasionally.

Speaking of my epic-book-shelf-of-awesomeness, I have exactly 113 youth and children’s work books. Which is a nice ego stroking humble brag to add in. I’ve even read a few of them.

In all seriousness, I intend to add a book review section to this blog soon and give you more insight into the wide tomes of youth ministry literature, but today I’ll just give you my top eleven.

I’ve written a post before on the best books for youth ministry that aren’t about youth ministry, and I’ve also written an essential list of theology books for youth workers who are serious about learning.

Today, however, is back to basics. These are my top eleven youth work books that I think every youth worker should have on their shelves and read.

Yes, my book is on here! (Sorry). But I wrote it exactly because I thought it was needed and that it didn’t already exist, so I’m only going to apologise so much. (Sorry). … (Sorry).

 

1. Christian Youth Work by Mark Ashton and Phil Moon

My very favorite youth work book, not least because it is exactly the same age as me! It’s a great overview of God’s plan for young people and the church with a double edge approach; understand the Bible and understand culture.

2. Sustainable Youth Ministry by Mark DeVries

The only author to get two books on here. This is DeVries at his best, looking into the long-term plan for youth ministry, and how that fits in a context of local church ministry.

3. Family-Based Youth Ministry by Mark DeVries

Back to Mark, this takes a good long look at where youth work has been, and how to dove-tail it back into the local church. It’s hands down the best advocate for the inter-generational model.

4. When God Shows Up by Mark Senter III

This covers the history of modern youth ministry as it unfolded in America. Although it needs to be read alongside something like Pete Ward’s Growing Up Evangelical for a UK perspective, it still gives helpful context for why we do what we do – and how we can change it.

5. Giving Up Gimmicks by Brian Cosby

Cosby loves grace, he loves the Bible, and he loves the church. This is an easy-to-read book on bringing the three of them together.

6. Growing Up by Dave Fenton

Another great example of an easy-to-read book that spells out why the Bible and the wider church are so important to youth ministry. Well worth it.

7. Models for Youth Ministry by Steve Griffiths

This is a great theological reflection on the life of Jesus and how it looks in youth ministry against the classically adopted ‘incarnational model.’ A very important critique on modern youth ministry complete with a hope and a promise, while firmly placed on Scripture.

8. Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry by Doug Fields

A simple set of practical principles mixed with self-care advice for the new youth worker. It’s probably more helpful for an American context, or for bigger churches, but still full of wise tidbits nonetheless.

9. Gospel Centered Youth Ministry, edited by Cameron Cole and Jon Nielson

A fab set of evangelically-driven essays looking at youth ministry practice from a theologically sound basis.

10. Contemplative Youth Ministry by Mark Yaconelli

The first youth ministry book I read all the way through and still one of the most important. Yaconelli helps us develop the prayer and worship language of our ministries, thus mining greater depths in our young people.

11. Rebooted, Reclaiming Youth Ministry for the Long Haul – a Biblical Framework, by me (sorry).

Rebooted goes through every section of the Bible, in order, and draws out eight essential practices for youth ministry in any context. I think it’s important, I hope it proves helpful!

What will this whole book-package cost?

I hope this is a useful list! And – even better – if you buy used, you can pick all of these up on Amazon marketplace right now for about £75 including mainland UK delivery. Ask for that as a reading budget for the next few months and get them ordered. You won’t regret it.

Honorable Mentions:

Fruit That Will Last by Tim Hawkins; Youthwork From Scratch by Martin Saunders; Young People and the Bible by Phil Moon; Youth Ministry Handbook by Josh McDowell (ed.); One Generation from Extinction by Mark Griffiths; No Guts No Glory by Alan Stewart (ed.); and anything by Ken Moser.

Elephants in the Room:

Some books I’ve missed out not because they’re unsound or unhelpful, but because they really only work for an American context, and prove less useful over here in the UK. They include Purpose Driven Youth Work by Doug Fields and This Way to Youth Ministry by Duffy Robbins. Great books in their place, but that place is probably not post-Christendom 21st Century UK.

I’ve also missed out Starting Right, edited by Kendra Creasy Dean, Chap Clark, and Dave Rahn, and anything by Andrew Root. Although these are important books to be grappled with, they do represent specific and narrowly defined bands of theology which may be less than helpful if not reading more critically. Linked to this I’ve not added the also popular Youthwork and the Mission of God by Pete Ward. Ward is a great thinker, and his more recent books are simply superb. This older book, however, advocates for an unguarded incarnational approach which I just think it best left in the 90s.

Finally, I haven’t listed specifically children’s or family’s ministry books. Check out anything by Rachel Turner, or the classic Family Ministry by Diana Garland. These are great books – just outside my wheelhouse and the wheelhouse of this post.

 

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Youth Ministry training and the battle for professionalism. Is it worth it?

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In the red corner, weighing in at -£30,000 (debt that is); a youth ministry professional with certificates, training and qualifications. They boast a long list of module credentials, and a mental catalogue of praxis, quotes and bibliographic data. I give you… the qualified youth worker.

In the blue corner, weighing in at 12 years; a veteran youth worker with three positions under her belt, a plethora of personal stories, and the blood, sweat and tears from more youth camps than you can swing a weasel at. She is… the experienced youth worker.

Let’s get ready to rumble! ‘Ding.’ And there’s the bell, fight!

Who would you put your money on? In what corner would you side?

In a world of middle-grounds, we know that the balanced approach is to do both – to gain as much experience as possibly while sitting some formal training; or at least remaining actively teachable while on the job. In reality, however, very few Christian youth workers in the UK are trained to degree level, most having worked their way up through the volunteering ranks without academic accountability. Are they missing something?

Breaking inside the bubble

To those outside the formal training bubble, a degree is little more than ‘a bit of paper.’ They can’t possibly know what they’re missing, however, because they’re missing it. I’ve met youth workers who strongly feel the absence of training and regret missing out, and I’ve met resentful youth workers who have been passed over for better jobs because of their lack of training.

It’s this latter group that tend to get under my skin, because there is an inherent arrogance to assuming you know something without actually studying it. There’s also a mean spiritedness to assuming that those who did chose to study did so only to tick a box, and didn’t actually have to work hard.

The problem, of course is that those who say you don’t need formal training tend to be those without it, and those who say you do, tend to be those with it.

I’m going to see if I can list off some pros and cons of training when applied to the youth ministry work world and see where it fits in alongside developing experience.

There are some anomalous factors that I’m not going to be able to factor in here. For instance, some training centres are just better than others, and some jobs provide far broader contexts for experience-based-learning too. I’m hoping, however, that by the end we’ll see a little bit more of the value of both perspectives and – all cards on the table – I hope we’ll consider formal training options more seriously than statistics would say that we do.

Qualifications and Training Pros and Cons

Pros

You look at topics objectively outside the realm of responsibility – so you find yourself safely out of your depths. I.e. nobody gets hurt if you get it wrong!

You are encouraged to critically engage with a wide range of different ministry opinions. By being presented with a spectrum of views, you will be able make clearer decisions on what works and what doesn’t. As a result, you become less likely to simply run after the ‘new thing’.

All practice becomes reflective practice. Everything you do and experience gets put under the microscope of analysis, making you more considered and careful in your approaches.

You do much of your thinking in community. You learn to measure voices in a room and be sharpened by others. Being taught in community simply makes you more teachable – which means that you’ll learn more!

You learn to ask more questions. Without asking questions, formal study just doesn’t work. You learn to become analytical of both your own thought-processes and the ideas that surround you. Granted, sometimes this is just to get a higher mark, but a higher mark means more critical engagement, better understanding, and clearer, more coherent communication. It’s worth it!

You learn to ask better questions. You start to draw a straight line between the information that you need and the best way to get at it. You are able to dig deeper, find roots, and simply be a clearer thinker as a result.

You get formal recognition. Having a degree is not simply ‘having a piece of paper.’ Anyone who says that simply doesn’t understand the accreditation process. A degree means you have been held accountable to a strictly measured standard, so you actually leave with a base level of learning. This is why a degree is so valuable – it tells your potential employer that you have been rigorously tested and have hit the mark.

You stick at it! Because you invested in a foundation, you’re much more likely to stick around the long haul.

Cons

You act like a jerk. Ok, not always, but I often talk about ‘First-year At Recognised Theological-college Syndrome’ or FARTS. When you have spent a year with people far smarter and more considered then you, you then it’s easy to adopt their approach verbatim as if you had actually spent the all years developing it yourself. You start to sound cocky, but without the substance to back it up. Real people become theological targets for you to practices your swings, and the heart gets clogged up in ‘doctrinal accuracy.’

You can become arrogantly unpliable. Some training (although usually truer for non-accredited courses) only teaches you their method – and subtly inoculates you against all others. You see things in isolation and therefore don’t allow for the possibility of how a given context could need you to change your approach. This is even more difficult if that approach is something your college told you was wrong.

Debate becomes the de facto way to discuss. There are many human skills that you can unlearn when in a vacuum of people who debate theology and practice all day. Normal friendly conversation with different types of people is one of them.

You become prepared theoretically without being prepared practically. When I left Bible College for the first time, I was ready to write a Bible study, but not lead one; I was ready to prepare a strategy, but not execute it; I was ready to think about death, but not sit in hospital with a bereaved parent. There are some things that training just doesn’t train you for.

It’s expensive. You’ll be paying for training for a while, and I’m not connived that colleges really need to charge all that they do. Saying that, with less people choosing training options, the price does tend to suffer for the few who do.

So, is training worth it?

I absolutely think it is. Experience will round and shape you over the years, but a foundational time of rigorous study is a gold-mine. Very few people who say they will study ‘later’ actually do. Also, of the many youth workers who begin their work career without formal training, even fewer stick around after their first contract.

Training fills in gaps that you wouldn’t otherwise know need filling. Training teaches you a way to think critically and in community. Training also helps you focus your efforts during the building of experience. I believe that experience post-training builds into helpful experience quicker, with fewer mistakes, than experience without training. There’s just less running around in the dark!

Training is not the same as experience, and it cannot replace it, but securing a solid foundation is going to be gold when you have the experience to go with it. It’s both-and not either-or, but if you have the choice, don’t skip training.

 

Photo by Victor Freitas on Unsplash

 

Find this interesting? Check out let’s stop telling future youth ministers to skip training, for a slightly rantier version!

What to do in the first three months of a new youth work job

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This won’t be a popular answer, but you should do nothing. Well, almost nothing.

I was recently at a conference where I overheard a new youth worker tell another youth worker that she was struggling in her brand-new position. The second youth worker’s advice was ‘change as much as you can as quickly as you can.’ I felt like banging my head against the wall… or I felt like banging someone’s head against the wall anyway.

One of the main reasons that youth workers don’t find traction in new positions is that they fly in like superman with brand-spanking new shiny ideas and a completely out-of-context, duck-out-of-water leadership style to boot. Whereas some will see this as a novelty and will try to get behind it, most will treat the over-excited new guy with a healthy level of scepticism.

So slow down puppy.

For your first few months you need to build.  Build credibility (no your CV did not do that), build trustworthiness, build respect, build confidence, and – of course – build relationships. You’re also building up information and research, so the actual changes you’ll make later will sit on something much more like solid ground.

So, here’s my short list of what you should do in your first three months instead:

1. Watch everything

Go to each ministry project that the church or ministry runs. Visit all the homegroups and services. Attend training and meetings. Don’t get stuck into to serving, just watch. Watch, look, listen, and take notes. You’re trying to breathe the culture in, put your finger on the pulse and find the heart (or hearts) of the ministry. Don’t waste this time of watching as a relatively objective outsider – you won’t get it back later.

2. Keep a journal everywhere

Note down some thoughts after every event. Ideally do this under four headings. 1. Who did what when and where? 2. What did I like/do I think worked? 3. What did I not like/do I think didn’t work? 4. Anything else of note? Keep this journal private but do fill it in regularly.

3. Talk to everyone

Accept every dinner invitation and go out for so many coffees that you start to shake. Ask impertinent questions, get people to tell you their stories, and listen actively to what they say. Talk to local schools and government. Talk to other churches and project workers. Make notes in your journal afterwards and reflect. Ask lots and lots of questions – of everyone. Try to withhold judgement and keep the pieces in tension. You’re trying to sense a flavour of people, not just gather facts.

4. Change nothing

Don’t just jump in with your new ideas, learn to listen for the heartbeat. This will build you a foundation that you’ll be able to build solidly on for years to come. Not only does this build you some much needed trustworthiness, but it also gives you the space and information that you’ll need to plan healthily.

How to do this in reality

This starts at interview! You need to make clear that this is your plan for the first quarter, so the ‘interim’ staff or volunteers can’t just pack up and leave in lieu of the new guy coming in. Make sure the pastor or team leader communicates this to the church, teams, and eldership before you start. Then you can hit the ground running by not actually having to run. Winner.

 

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Do we over-normalise our faith?

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At the end of 2016, Youth For Christ released a piece of research called ‘Gen Z: Rethinking Culture’. One of the stand out quotes from that immense work was an answer to the question, “What is your experience of Christians”. It went like this:

“They are normal like everyone else. Their faith doesn’t change them.”

Boom! This should strike hard and resonate deep. This answer – which recurred in various forms throughout the research – says that those young people who knew Christians did not see anything distinctively Christian about them. No light, no fire, no new heart, no challenge to injustice, nothing to display the radical Jesus to a desperate and needy world. The word was ‘normal.’ Ouch.

The battle for normalisation

Over the last three decades, we’ve made normalisation the battle cry of youth mission in the Church. We’ve said that Christians are coming across too weird, and too removed from the world, and the Ned Flanders stereotype needed to undergo some dramatic surgery.

There was certainly a lot of truth in this – after all, if Jesus doesn’t work in real life for real people, then He’s just not real. Dressing up our faith in legalism or overt, unnecessary quirkiness has never been helpful. A level of normalisation has been needed. However, have we gone too far?

Youth mission resources have put an inordinate amount of energy into encouraging us to show just how normal we are to young people. How we dress, what boxsets we devour, and which words we absorb into our natural vocab. We’ve moved away from questions like ‘what does Jesus expect from your life?’ to ‘is it ok for a Christian to have tattoos?’

Now were two or three generations down the line, and our church-raised teenagers are living the Christian life that we’ve recalibrated into normality for them, I wonder if we’ve gone too far. Now their mates don’t see the radical. The normalisation process looks like it may have been too successful.

Sometimes a little weird goes a long way

We know the dangers of watering down the gospel, but the normalisation of the Gospel-carriers can be just as insidious.

Don’t get me wrong. There is certainly an level of normalisation that we’ve needed to acquire. We are people of grace, not works, and Jesus came into the world to save the world, not create a weird bubble of odd, judgemental people. And for the record… I have a beard, a tattoo, and a red flannel shirt!

However, sometimes a little weird goes a very long way. As Christians there is something inherently different and radical about us – and that is supposed to show in way that can’t be normalised without being diluted.

Jesus said in this world you will have trouble (Jn. 16:33), He tells us to let our light shine high on a stand for the world to see (Mt. 5:14-16), We are in the world, but not of it (Jn. 15:19; 17:14-16). We are citizens of heaven; travellers, and just passing through this world (Eph. 2:19; Phil. 3:20). Citizens should look like where they come from right?

We should bear the traits of our citizenship

My wife is American, living in the UK. She has recently applied for naturalised British citizenship (so please pray for her!). She will be part of the UK; able to move freely, work, vote, and be afforded the rights of all British Citizens. However, she is also naturally American. That is where she is from, what she is of. She will be in Britain, but that doesn’t mean she will suddenly loose her accent or forget the words to her National Anthem. Her character and formation are still very much the Californian girl I married. I want her to live with me in the UK, but I don’t want to ‘normalise’ the American out of her.

We are in the world but not of it. We’re not from the world – we’re not products of the world – we’re of Jesus. He gave us second birth. We are born again in Him. This makes us citizens of His Kingdom. Let’s try and look a like it.

We are a little weird…

Some of the things my American wife does (like leaving the teabag in the cup) look weird in the UK. She sounds different and dresses different. She still lives here respectfully, loves people, makes friends, works, pays tax, but that doesn’t make her less who she is. We too are called to live the traits that Jesus called us to – to look like Him and bear the image of His kingdom.

We’re not meant to look like legalistic, judgemental, controversy junkies – but we are called to be a shining like in a grumpy dark place. That will be a little weird.

We’re not meant to be socks-n-sandals, bowl-cut, technophobes – but we are called to carry the name of Jesus like food to a hungry world. That will be a little weird.

We’re not meant to see the world as enemies and heathen – but we are called to love, serve, grow, proclaim, and point to Jesus. That will be a little weird.

We really need to stop telling our kids that following Jesus isn’t weird, and that it doesn’t mean a change in their lifestyle or choices. Following Jesus is a radical thing – and that will be a little weird.

The best kind of weird!

 

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27 habits to beat burnout

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There are plenty of reasons that youth workers burn out, and more than a few horror stories. However, the best work a youth worker can do is long term youth work. So stick to it! In the meantime, here’s 27 habits to get into to help you avoid the burnout trap!
  1. Surround yourself with good people who love you and don’t report to you.
  2. Make sure you are a worshipping part of the community – so take regular Sunday’s off from commitments.
  3. Have a separate line-manager, pastor, and mentor.
  4. Take your days off. Always. No exceptions.
  5. Plan your holiday’s in advance.
  6. Safeguard family times.
  7. Talk to God regularly like He’s an old friend who desperately wants the best for you.
  8. Have hobbies. Commit to them as a valuable part of your life, not simply extras ‘when there’s time for them’.
  9. Give. Generously and a little bit ridiculously. Don’t wait to give.
  10. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Commit to growing that above all else.
  11. Grow in love for the Word – as a relationship with your dad in heaven, not as a ministry prep thing.
  12. Married? Make intentional space for intimacy. Explore, make it fun!
  13. Kids? Try and be more crazy than them when you play. Really *play* with them.
  14. Dance when no ones around.
  15. Plan prayer & reflection times into your diary. Don’t plan meetings over them. Write them into the calendar.
  16. Commit to a couple of conferences and retreats each year. Make sure you take them as additions to holiday’s, not replacements.
  17. Watch TV. Read books. Play games. Laugh lots.
  18. Develop healthy sleep, eating, exercise, and hygiene patterns.
  19. Don’s take yourself too seriously. Seriously.
  20. Remember they’re God’s kids, and it’s His ministry… It’s not yours. God was in their life before you were, and will continue to be after they/you leave.
  21. Also remember you’re not a surrogate parent.
  22. Give yourself a pass when things sometimes suck.
  23. Remember that you’re just one of God’s tools, not the best/only one. (Num. 22:21ff right?)
  24. Have big healthy poos.
  25. Finally remember that Jesus might return tomorrow.
  26. Finally finally remember that you’ll be in heaven one day, and in a 1000 years, what seems monumental and stressful now, will pale in significance when you spend all your days in utter delight worshipping around the throne of Jesus.
  27. Eat cake.

 

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