Archive for month: October, 2018
I asked 185 youth leaders what they call ‘young people’. Here’s what they said…
What to call the participants of your youth ministry doesn’t seem like it should be a high priority. Realistically though, how you label people in the plural will have a dramatic impact on that group identity and sense of value, and it will instinctively give subversive impressions to those you’re speaking to.
I asked 185 American youth workers what they call their teenagers, with the option to add other names. Here’s the results:
Adolescents – 0
Children – 0
Young Church – 1
Kids – 2
Young Men and Women – 3
Young People – 5
Teenagers -6
Other – 9
Youth – 14
Students – 145
Interestingly, ‘students’ is not a name we would use in the UK, as it usually refers more specifically to someone studying, usually at university.
Some of the comments that came with the results defended calling young people ‘students’ is it sets a tone that they are there to learn about God, while still being more respectful sounding than ‘youth’ which often carries negative cultural contentions. I totally get this.
There are 2 issues through that I’d like to gently raise: First, it sets the teenagers in ministry apart from other ages in ministry for a reason that is not actually specific to them. We are all – or at least all should be – students of God! This could set the precedent that the adults know it all.
The second issue is perhaps a more Biblical one. The Bible uses the words ‘Youth’ (בְּחֻרִים), ‘young man’ (בחור) and ‘the young’/‘youths’ (ילדות) – as distinct from children or adults. They are a Biblical people group designated by their age, so should have this noted in the same ways ‘men’s’ or ‘senior’ ministry would be.
Youth Work Hacks at the Premier Digital Awards – 2016
What a ride! Two weeks ago, Youth Work Hacks won the Premier Digital Award in the category of Most Inspiring Leadership Blog. This was an epic honour – especially in the midst of other fantastic finalists!
[[Check out the runner up, Apples of Gold, and the finalists, Included By Grace and Matt McChlery.]]
It was a belting night which included an impressive meal, a champagne reception, polished hosts and a simply incredible house band. I was blown away by the professionalism of the whole night. I can be very critical of how badly Christian organisations do at putting on events, but this blew me away.
I’m very grateful to the Premier Judges for choosing Youth Work Hacks – and we will do all we can here to produce resources and articles worthy of them.
How NOT to Name Your Youth Group
Many thanks to Youth Specialties for choosing this post to trend on their Website, August 2014!
Here beginneth the rant…
Lts xart wiv da obViouz…. we’re not five year old delinquents and the s and t keys are not missing from our keyboards.
Starting names randomly with ‘X’ and misspelling words does not make the brand cooler or more ‘uth’ friendly. It just makes us look stupid and out of touch. Xube, Xcite, Xcel, Xnite, Xplode, Xtreme… these sound like adult shops, not youth clubs!
Then there are the fire metaphors. Ignite, flame, nflame, blaze, purge… I know we want to raise passionate young people but do we really want to raise pyromaniacs? I’m sure ignite sounds cool (just like the other fifteen thousand youth clubs with that name) but what is it we are insinuating the youth club does exactly? I know there is an argument for the Holy Spirit coming down in fire… but the consuming fire that the Bible talks about might not be the fun passionate experience we’re thinking of when we came up with the name.
Then of course we have the onomatopoeic names, the louder and more zappy the better. Surge, blast, blaze, boom.. it sounds like we’re selling high speed internet.
There is also our habit of putting ‘club’ (or worse ‘squad’) after everything – just in case we didn’t get that’s what it was. Bible club, Jonah club, God Squad etc.
Finally – when all other ideas are exhausted we just mix them up:
“Hey mate, you coming to the Xblaze klub tonight?” “No man, I’m at the zappy, flamers Xcite nite.” Awkward much?
So here’s some dos:
- Spell properly!
- Pick a name that represents who you are
- Use words that reflect what the vibes and activities of your community look like
- Be creative and think ‘outta-da-box… man’
- Think longevity
- Think easy to remember and brand adaptable
- Think how it will translate to other generations
- Think how it would look in other fonts
- Get your youth group to help out (biggie!)
- Try to aim slightly above the age group, not way below it
- Look for something that can be spoken out loud without blushing or putting on an American accent
- Think of something you can say without hand signals
- Use words recognizable to people outside the Church
- Think of community driven words and phrases…. rather than torture chamber driven words and phrases (strap in to da surge zone tonite!)
Get back to me (comment!) if you have any other ideas, or want to get some other horrible names off your chest!
Here endeth the rant.
Depression, Stress & Discouragement in Youth Work
It’s been some emotional roller-coaster this whole youth ministry thing. I’ve been in both the deep end, and the shallow kiddy-pool of my heart-spine.
I’ve struggled with mild discouragement, bouts of depression, and prolonged stress at different stages of my career so far. It can sometimes be very difficult to distinguish whats actually affecting me, what set of emotions are in play, and how they need to be dealt with (i.e. pain killers, peace n’ quiet, counseling, a holiday, a good knock to the head, a grin-n-bear it week etc.)
In Doug Fields book Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry he dedicates a whole chapter to dealing with discouragement. On p.47, Steve Geralli gives a helpful reminder in a little aside box saying,
“Be aware that depression can mask itself as discouragement. Some signs of depression include irritability, sadness, exhaustion, low self-image, destructive self-criticism, shame, guilt, and loss of pleasure and fulfillment. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms for more than a couple of months, consult a professional therapist.”
Steve’s comments are really useful. Depression can easily be mistaken for discouragement, and sometimes vice versa too. In fact in my last year of my previous job I was diagnosed me with stress, but until I saw my GP I was treating it as simply discouragement – these things can easily get muddled together.
So just some preliminary thoughts:
– Don’t be surprised by depression, discouragement, or stress. Youth Ministry is about 80% less about fun n’ games than we thought it was!
– Don’t worry at other people’s surprise. Youth Ministry is 100% less about fun n’ games than they think it is!
– Keep a positive check on your ministry / life / spirituality balance.
– Don’t be afraid to talk to a GP for clarity’s sake. Especially when experiencing things like fatigue, lack of motivation/enthusiasm, difficult sleep patterns, sudden weight loss/gain, increased irritability etc.
– Try to keep in context the cross we carry, the sacrificial life of a minister, and what it means to share Christ’s sufferings.
– Memorize some fighter verses.
– Read daft books & watch daft films (harry potter & the simpsons have gotten me through a lot).
– Take your holidays. Spend fun time planning them (book early).
– Take your days off & sometimes take them away from your work areas/towns/city/planet.
– Laugh for no reason.
– Wake up at 1am just to go and buy cake from the supermarket.
– Keep letters that have encouraged you in a journal. Delete the stupid emails.
– Don’t be afraid to call some emails and conversations you’ve had stupid.
– Make to do lists an hour before you sleep. Include conversations you need to have, emails you’ve got to send, people you need to beat up (kidding). Just get it outa your head!
– Tidy a room or two. Wash some dishes. Take a shower.
Youth work is 10 years out of date!
Much of our youth work is consistently at least 10 years out of date. Truthfully it’s more like 20.
When we design a project, we are influenced by a whole host of things, however three specifics tend to consistently stand out:
– Our own experiences of youth work from when we were a young person
– Successful youth work books we have read
– Training events and conferences where the speakers are veteran youth workers
These are great things! Genuinely. But there are some problems from a culture point of view.
Your Own Experiences
When we use what worked in our own youth work experience, that experience is usually at least a decade out of date. This is what was cool or what was relevant when we were growing up which might be drastically different to today. No matter what I do, for instance, I cannot get my guys interested in DC Talk or the World Wide Message Tribe!
“Although the truths we know and the relationship principles of humanity remain the same, the cultural context they sit in is constantly in flux – and we tend to be left behind.”
Unfortunately too many of us use our youth work platforms to either fulfill what was missing or relive moments that impacted us from our youth work past. Some of this might be useful, you should after all go with what you know! However, it is a pretty blinkered approach to creating contextually successful youth work.
Youth Work Books
I’ve read some amazing youth work books. However the best youth work books on the market today are 10-30 years old – and are often American.
The 2014 updated ‘Youth Work Reading List’ on infed.org, for instance, doesn’t include a single piece of writing after 2003.
When reading youth work books from America, it is easy to be taken in because they are so well written and represent a ‘thriving’ youth work culture. However culture in America is very different to in the UK.
The USA is still mostly in some form of Christendom. The popular culture however, is maybe a decade ahead of us. This means there is a polarisation of culture embedded into these youth work books that addresses a social church culture 30-50 years behind and a popular culture up to 10 years ahead. This simply does not speak to our context.
“We are – right now – working with a 22nd Century people.”
Conference Speakers
Veteran youth workers that speak at conferences – specifically those that keynote – are brilliant! However they usually became veterans over the last 10, 20, or 30 years and have often ‘graduated’ to other pastoral or training ministry.
If they are still involved in youth work they often manage teams or shepherd projects from more of a distance. They might develop new ideas and new forms of youth work to engage with culture but what had worked for them personally before isn’t necessarily what’s working in their projects today.
I’m partially revising this thought because many conferences that I attended this year had the opposite problem in that many of their speakers we’re still pretty green and very specifically contextual. Not that this solves the problem!
So what?
When we consider these things, our youth work could be at least a decade out of date. It’s aimed at what was cool, what did work, and what might of been successful a while back – and perhaps not in our culture at all.
“We need to be aiming at tomorrows culture, not todays and certainly not yesterdays!”
When you add to this the dramatic pace of popular culture, the sweeping and unstoppable technology market, spreading globalisation and the unpredictable directions of generation Z – we need to be aiming not at today’s culture but tomorrow’s. We are – right now – working with a 22nd Century people.
Although the truths we know and the relationship principles of humanity remain the same, the cultural context they sit in is constantly in flux – and we tend to be left behind.
Young people aren’t necessarily uninterested in our message – in fact this generation are incredibly spiritually curious – they just don’t want to be coaxed back into yesteryear to hear it.
Even some of the most modern and flash youth ministries at large thriving churches are employing principles from a decade ago. It looks great, it’s lots of fun, but it only engages with a small sliver of humanity in the young people themselves.
10 Cultural Observations For Today
Here are some cultural observations to consider in our youth work projects:
1. They Need Us To Engage Senses Rather Than Emotion
It’s easy to make young people miserable or joyful and call them to respond from that emotion. These responses tend to last as long as the emotions themselves, thus need constant poking and more boisterous maintenance. They should be responding from senses instead; a sense of clear identity, community belonging, conviction of sin, understanding of love, awareness of presence, etc.
2. They Want A God Cares About What They Care About
This generation needs to know that God shares their love for the world, not just for themselves. God is on their team – His heart breaks for what theirs does. This is more a save the world generation than any before.
3. They Need To Participate, Not Consume
Community participation is much more important to a young person than having a great consumer experience. For instance, in my context, when we run events we put guitar chords on the screen with the songs and invite the young people to bring instruments with them.
“Do you believe in the socks and sandals, meek and mild, blond hair blue eyes Jesus – or do you believe in the dangerous, revolutionary with fire in his eyes and a dagger on his tongue?”
4. They Keep Community Secrets
Young people in this generation guard knowledge, understanding and activities almost religiously in the circles they move in. We need to treat their friendships with some sanctity.
5. Parents are less helpful
I still believe that we need parents on board however parents are just as culturally detached for the same reasons youth workers are. They however, come with all the extra emotional baggage of family too. Youth programs need to give space away from family in very real ways.
6. They can be more choosy
I spent 7 years working and living in London – whatever you did in your youth program you can guarantee six other churches did it better around the corner. We cannot compete with secular culture, nor should we. What do you offer that’s authentic rather than flashy? Some of the cheapest things look the flashiest now, but young people are learning to spot the rat and know the real thing.
7. They’re looking for authenticy
Not a ‘Christian version of…’ Or a ‘look we can do it too.’ The Smashing Pumpkins’ front-man, Billy Corgan said to Christian bands, “stop copying U2 and stop making bad music” – he’s right! Young people are looking for something real and genuine. We need to offer something real, meaningful and substantive.
8. They Need Jesus To Work In Real Life
Make it about life holistically. So many youth materials say we should worship Jesus with our whole lives – but I’ve yet to read one that expands on that other than ‘pray when you brush your teeth,’ or ‘sing Christian songs in the car.’ How does Jesus and life intrinsically work together? If Jesus doesn’t work in real life, He doesn’t work – and they know it!
“Young people aren’t uninterested in our message, they just don’t want to be coaxed back into yesteryear to hear it.”
9. They hate trolls too
They’re genuinely looking for real conversation – not sixteen reasons why science hasn’t disproved God. Sitting down and talking is better than an epic three part talk any day.
10. They hate the same Jesus you do
Do you believe in the socks and sandals, meek and mild, blond hair blue eyes Jesus – or do you believe in the dangerous, revolutionary with fire in his eyes and a dagger on his tongue? Tell them what you don’t believe about Christianity, not just what you do – This culture won’t make the distinction if you don’t.
Bottom line
There’s obviously plenty more, but this is what I came up with in bed last night and sat on the loo this morning.
Let’s make our youth ministry about our young people in their young people’s world – not – about when we were young people in yesterday’s world.
For more like this follow @timgoughyfc on twitter.
Why kids aren’t afraid of Church anymore
(N.b. – Before you read mine, I’ve found someone who say’s it better! Mark Grithiths, here.)
Not in the church!
‘You can’t run a youth event in the church building because the kids won’t come!’
Something you’ve heard before? I’ve heard it too! In PCC meetings, planning sessions, prayer meetings, training days, and from a whole bunch of different people; older generations who genuinely believe it, and younger generations who have heard it so many times that they just assume that it’s true.
Everywhere I go the prevailing belief is held that young people are afraid to come into a church building.
So begins the era of neutral venues: gymnasiums, school halls, coffee-shops etc. – which often cost more time, money, energy and drives the segregation wedge between ‘young people and church’ even deeper.
But where did this belief even come from, and does the same issue exist today? Are our kids really so anti-church?
Some Generational History
The Last Of The Baby-Boomers
Three generations ago during our grandparent’s childhood, (speaking from a twenty-something’s viewpoint) going to church was an expected Sunday activity. You went, because you were supposed to go. No questions asked.
The dregs of this time can be seen on the brass plaques of Sunday School registers around the halls with old forgotten offices like ‘Sunday School Superintendent.’ The rooms were full, the youth work ‘thriving’ because of course, young people were supposed to be there.
Generation X
Enter then the generation of rebellion: generation X. This is the culture that gave us glam rock, the punk movement and incredibly dodgy haircuts. This believe it or not, is our parents generation. Go ahead, ask them to recall their ‘rebellion’ era, or to show you some snapshots of their ill-spent youth. Remember though, once you’ve heard the tails and seen the pictures you can’t just delete them out of your head, they’re going to haunt you forever! I still can’t believe the length of my dad’s hair, or the cheesiness of my mum’s flares. Gah.
‘Generation X’ were a ‘post‘ generation. They were post-war, and tired of the high profile political scandals that we’re surfacing as a result. They we’re post-baby boomer, and tired of the rigorous logic and cold analytical appetites of modernism. They were therefore the first post-moderns. They we’re also post-religion and stopped attending church once they we’re old enough to make that decision. They didn’t send their kids to church either. Sunday mornings became family time, football practice, or Big Breakfast telly-time.
Generation Y
Then of course came ‘generation Y,’ my generation of mainly twenty-and thirty-somethings. We are genX’s kids and, like it said above, we were mostly not sent to church. Part of genXs rebellion was bringing up kids free from perceived tyrannies like religion and church going.
GenY, however, were bought up with their parent’s stories of how awful church was, how irrelevant, boring, painful, false, and out-of-touch. GenY believed their parents stories (why wouldn’t they?), but had no experience of it themselves.
Generation Zzzzzzz
GenY’s kids, ‘generation Z’ aka gen Zzzzzzzzz came next; the young people that we work with today. They have no relationship to church. Their parents didn’t go and didn’t have stories to tell. GenZ have next to no experience, no context, no stories and no relationship at all with churches.
Gen Z is three generations behind the core of the problem.
Three Generations Behind
Our young people today do not have the same cultural phobia or institutional memory of earlier generations. They might see church to be relics of a bygone era, but no more so than the old post-office building or a town hall. They are three generations behind the root of the issue and have little or no personal stake in connection to churches.
I’m speaking in sweeping generalizations of course. Most of the young people in the UK that we work with today however, will still be three generations behind the personal problem of church phobia:
- Baby-boomers (grandparents) were ‘you’re supposed to go to church.’
- Generation X (parents) ‘went until they didn’t have to anymore.’
- Generation Y (20/30-somethings) went to to church to be ‘baptized, married, an
buried.’ - Generation Z (today’s teens) have little or no ‘church relationship’
So what?
There simply isn’t the same cultural problem with church-going today for many of the young people that we work with. Many youth workers and youth ministries however, borrow from history’s issues. Because we’re not aware of the dramatic cultural shifts with young people and church going we’re stretching out a non-existent issue from previous generations without even realizing it.
By boycotting Church buildings we’re possibly trying to fix a problem that doesn’t really exist – therefore creating a new one!!
I have definitely met young people who don’t want to go to church, but most of that is based on new misunderstanding rather than historical cultural experience. I’ve also met youth clubs who think there’s a problem simply because their youth leaders have tried so hard to fix one.
Just food for thought then. Are our teenagers scared of entering a church building really? If they’re made comfortable and welcome, is the church hall really a ‘no go.’ Think about your young people, are they really so shallow to have taken on a passionate, stubborn, life-phobia from their parents, parents, parents?
In a future post I will argue for the benefits of using Church buildings for groups and events on the basis that young people are looking for something ancient, spiritual, deep, and mystical to belong to.
I also hope to discuss some genuine reasons outside this generational misunderstood phobia that may lead us to boycott eh church building and contradict everything I’m saying here. Such is the liberty of a blogger!
But for now – lets all put the option back on the table! Thanks. 😀
Working With (or Without) Parents
Last night we ran a training session on working with – and without – parents in youth ministry. Here are some cliff notes…
We first explored the history of youth work theories over the last four decades and noticed that parents work was a conspicuously absent element. Of those books and models that do mention parents work, it is often as an aside or necessary inconvenience.
This left us wondering how youth work has contributed to some of the ‘it’s just awkward to have parents and teenagers in the same room’ culture that is often the norm.
To contrast this, and to look for an ‘ideal’, we explored some Biblical passages that explicitly talk about parents in what we would see as ‘young peoples work’ in the Bible. Here is a simplified view of our findings:
- Deut. 1:1-7 – It’s the parents job to saturate their children in God’s teaching.
- Gen. 22:1-19 – It’s the parents job to lead their children in worship.
- 1 Sam:1:10-20; 24-28 – It’s the parents job to pray for their children and partner with the church leaders.
- Prov. 1:1-9 – It’s the parents job to teach and develop maturity in their children for specific life needs (check out Prov. 16, 18, 22, 24 & 31 for examples).
This looks a lot like youth work right? Those include many of the central aims and values of youth strategies. It might be missing ‘mission/evangelism’ but a deeper dig into both Deuteronomy and Proverbs would have added that element too.
So when you consider that our youth work strategies are found in the Bible surrounding parents, and then consider that the missing element from our youth work programs is often intentional parents work, you might agree that we have a fundamental problem developing!
Parents are simply essential to healthy youth ministry and working them into pivotal parts of your youth work strategy should be non-negotiable.
So How Do We Do It?
We recognised that just stopping everything and starting again isn’t always a sensible or viable option! 😛 So instead we looked at some incremental ideas that would start to develop parents work – and cultivate a healthier culture of parents ideology – within our projects.
We used ‘The Gospel Coalition’ article on moving parents from ‘absent’ to ‘equipped’ – this is well worth checking out.
Here are 5 ideas that come from Jody Livingston’s brilliant blog and podcast ‘The Longer Haul.’ I’ve simplified them somewhat below – but you can (and should!) read the whole article here.
Communicate! – Often and clearly.
Recruit! – Parents make great leaders and have experience, wisdom and insight that we don’t.
Retreat! – Plan events, retreats and getaways to serve and train parents. I’d also add ‘look-in nights’ to this when parents can see what you do with their kids.
Prayer! – Form a team of praying parents. They care and know about their kids more than we do.
Advice! – Form another team of parents to advise and speak into your ministry.
For good measure I added 4 more ideas:
All-Age! – Develop a culture of inclusive and quality all-age worship.
Talk! – Often with your young peeps about parents and their roles.
Meet! – Pickup & drop off points of contact before and after sessions.
Don’t! – Create standoff teaching / cultures where you set yourself up as better/wiser/more trustworthy than parents.
What About Working Without Parents?
The tragic reality is that this ideal doesn’t always work. Parents are not always around, and when they are – they are not always helpful.
We considered the ‘cultural landscape’ that our teenagers are growing up in, and specifically these statistics (the first two from the 2012-13 Office of National Statistics and 2011 Census Data, also ONS):
42% of all marriages in the UK end in divorce.
Almost half of those effect children under the age of 16.
Every national statistic has Established UK Christianity in decline.
When you take these three component parts together, it’s clear that we can’t expect stable, symmetrical Christian homes for many of the young people we work with.
Parents simply may not be around physically, emotionally or physically – or in some cases ‘parent’ means brother, uncle, grandmother, two mothers or an institution of some kind. It’s just not as cut and dry as the ideal (above) would carve out for us.
5 Types of ‘Unhelpful’ Parents
We considered together 5 kinds of ‘unhelpful’ parents, and brainstormed how we can work with them and thier young people. I’ve only given a basic skeleton of this here, and limited it to two points per parent type, so you might want to spend some time thinking about these with your own teams too!
Caveat: What this doesn’t give are examples of how to teach / train unhelpful parents. Up until the mid 1940s, parents would learn much of their parenting skills from 1. their own parents living in the same house and 2. the church as a whole. Suggesting parenting classes can now come across very offensively – but it is worth developing in your church culture. I can’t teach them credibly (I have no kids!), but I would happily get in someone like ‘Care For The Family’ who do brilliant work!
1. The Absent Parent
Parents can be ‘absent’ for lots of reasons. They may be in single-parent setups, emotionally detached, psychically out of the picture (or at the pub). Sometimes for very good reasons a parent can appear absent – such as working to support their family. A little bit more complicated would be the parent who has one child with additional needs that requires more attention – leaving them somewhat ‘absent’ on balance from their other children.
Mentoring – Big Brother / Big Sister setups from America can be amazing! Looking for older team or church members to spend time with young people to help them develop around some sense of a parent figure can be very helpful. Remember boundaries and safe practices!
Support With Group Culture – this is more about helping the whole culture of your youth group take care of each other. Everything you do in your project presents values, make sure you are steering these in inclusive and supportive directions.
2. The Hostile Parent
Parents could be hostile towards you personally, hostile towards the idea of faith, or hostile to other young people. Hostility often comes from panic and insecurity.
Communication – It’s important to make sure a hostile parent has all the info clearly and upfront to help appease their concerns. It may also be worth a face-to-face meeting over coffee to create some more solid layers of relationship and credibility.
Clear Lines Of Respect Drawn – You will need to stand firmly on your values, and also not tip your hat to a young person dishonouring their awkwardly hostile parent. Set the right example.
3. The Apathetic Parent
On on side of the coin they could be apathetic towards what you’re doing; not caring what goes on, or what time their kids are home. On the other side they could be apathetic directly towards their child, meaning they give few boundaries, inconsistent praise and a general lack of direction.
Permissions & Followup – Apathy aside you cannot slide on your safeugarding policies, and (unfortunately for them) you will need a clearer lead from an apathetic parent to make sure you’re covered. This might mean getting on the phone or knocking on their door. Creating relationship should be worth the extra effort but, as always, remember to keep safe boundaries.
Reward & Share Culture – Make sure that you are regularly acknowledging and praising your young people for doing well. A well executed phone-call to an apathetic parent about how well their child is doing can start to reframe that parent-child-church relationship.
4. The Gossiping Parent
My least favourite – so much so it’s worth a short story: Once upon a time a parent believed that the reason I wasn’t letting her daughter play in the youth worship band was because I was sexist. She believed this enough to tell a few other parents, a few leaders and even a few of my young people. When I finally heard this and confronted her, I let her know that the real reason I wasn’t letting her daughter play in the worship band was because she didn’t want to play int he worship band. Perhaps if she talked more to her daughter rather than about her she would have learned this.
Guard Your Communication Consistently – My other hard-learned piece of experience is that parents who are easier to talk to can also sometimes be a little loose tongued. If you find youself sharing more than you usually would with a parent, it’s possible that other people do to, meaning they are a bulging vat of information that should be help in confidence. That’s a lot of temptation, and unfortunately sometimes open ears means loose tongues. Youth leaders like people to talk to – find a mentor/pastor rather than parent.
Control The Information Flow – Make sure you are in control of the information about your programs Communicate clearly, constantly and consistently to keep things transparent.
Confrontation & Conflict Resolution – It is important to nip these gossiping tails in the bud. Confrontation is necessary – done well through a clear (and sometimes mediated) Conflict Resolution Strategy. In March next year we will be having a training session on Conflict Resolution led by an expert in the field. Let us know if you’d like to come!
In the meantime, if you have an issue which requires conflict resolution – we are happy to offer free Skype advice or coaching. Get in touch if you’d like to take advantage of this!
5. The Abusive Parent
I want to gently bring this up last. One of the most common forms of abusive parent within the church is the ‘Spiritually’ abusive parent – which is also one of the hardest to prosecute. I once had to spend an evening with a young person after his parents and youth leaders tried to exorcise demons out of him!
Know Your Procedures – All I really want to say here is know your policy and procedures and make sure your team is trained. Knowing how to handle disclosures, objective note taking and procedural response within your safeguarding structure is very important.
Support In Partnership – Make sure you know (again, within your context and structures) what partner organisations you can work with (Childline, Social Services etc.). As much as I want church to handle everything, we do need and should ask for help.
Interested in Training?
YouthWorkHacks is passionate about training. We offer safeguarding training, youth program MOTs, First Aid and Skype coaching. We also provide free monthly training in North Wales. Please check out our training page and get in touch if we could help you!
I asked 40 youthworkers in 3 countries how many events they run – here’s what they said…
I have had a lot to say on the subject of youth events over the last couple of years. It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s that I think they are often flat-packed, overused, resource draining and strategy defining. I don’t mind them if they are a carefully considered idea off the back of a clear strategy… but yea.
I asked:
“How many one-off ‘events’ do you have in a year?
Classing an ‘event’ as something specifically youth ministry related, but less regular than a project, takes a whole lot of specific planning, and has an aim to bolster your regular ministry.”
Results:
- 23 Youth workers said – 3-5 a year.
- 10 said 6-10,
- 5 said more than 10
- 1 said 1-3
- and 1 person said upto 1
Events ranged from $150 – $10,000 (USD) and often larger groups were associated with more events. Some of these were classic concert style, whereas others were special ‘pizza nights’ or trips out.
A few additional comments were left by people who now run less events than they used to, or now run no one-off events at all. The reasons they gave pointed to busy schedules, burnout, clashing with school, and the inability to form deeper consistent relationships.
Events can be very successful – but they do need to be carefully thought-though and cultivated within a clearly defined cultural context.
3 Ways To Have A Successful, Yet Unhealthy Youth Ministry
I’ve been an unhealthy, yet relatively ‘successful’ youth worker for a while now. My projects mostly work, events go well, and young people know Jesus – but stress, anxiety, headaches, insomnia, and blood-pressure problems have also accompanied those things.
Since the doctors started treating me, and my health has started to improve, I’ve wondered if whole youth ministries could look like that too: Successful on the outside, but bitterly unhealthy on the inside. Let’s just take 30 second to clarify the difference between those two.
Health & Success
A successful youth ministry, is measurably working. People are coming, moving through your strategy properly, and are even forming connections with Jesus. It looks great.
A healthy youth ministry is self-sustaining, stewards resources properly, creates non-dependent relationships, takes care of its leaders, works for the long haul and cultivates mature and independent believers. It is great!
Purely successful youth ministries often harbour deeper problems; ticking time-bombs that threaten to do real damage. At best, these ministries cannot outgrow or outlast their leaders.
Purely healthy youth ministries might not actually do any effective youth ministry at all! A little bit like the boy in the bubble, they can be too removed from the real world.
There are, as I’m sure you can imagine, plenty of ways of running both healthy, unsuccessful ministries (that’ll be another post!), and unhealthy successful ministries. We’ll take a look at jut three obvious examples today – with the hope of moving towards both heath and success!
This does go near the all too obvious examples of not respecting the Bible, not understanding the Holy Spirit, or not loving Jesus… but, y’know… think about them too!
1. Having a clear project strategy, but poorly executed projects
I’m a big believer in working through the big picture of what your youth ministry is there to do. It should be specific to your context, responsible to your resources and develop projects that flow our of your unique values and aims. (For how to create this, click here!)
If you’re like me, then developing a strategy is fun! It can include spreadsheets, brainstorms and coloured pens. At the end of the development time, you can have a glossy, bound strategy document that you’d be happy to present to anybody.
If you’re still like me, however, you’ll find actually applying that strategy to real life less fun. Motivating people to follow it and create a plan that works out in the life of your projects is much harder to do. It’s relatively easy to have a master plan, but then have no clue how to marshal the resources, grow the relationships or actually pull off the projects.
A ministry like this will look great on paper! It’ll help you get funding and will keep you slipping through the non-observant, eldership meeting net – but it won’t be healthy as there won’t really be anyone coming. Or, if they are, it will be a niche group that probably didn’t need your strategy anyway.
2. Having amazing projects, but a poor or non-existent strategy
This is usually more the norm of bigger and better funded churches. There are a couple of brilliant projects or events that look incredible. They attract lots of people, have a funky logo and – for all intents and purposes – are ‘working.’
But when you move past the honeymoon period – what are you doing with those young people? Why are they there – and how are you going to move them on with Jesus? What effect is this happening on the long term spiritual life of the whole church, or other churches in the area, or the local schools? How are you balancing discipleship, mission, worship, prayer, ministry, service, and church-connections?
Usually the ‘answer’ to these questions tends to found by looking for the next big, exciting thing to adapt the projects around. They travel sideways rather than forward.
Without a strategy behind it, all you’ll have is a short term bang made up of a lot of further short term or immature relationships. Usually you’ll have a burned out team and a string of broken leaders at the helm. These can also grow around purely student led projects without oversight or accountability.
If these ministries have been in play for more than three years (rare), then look for the fruit by seeing just how many people who passed through it are still walking with Jesus at Uni, in work or in the wider church.
3. Having amazing projects, a clear strategy but a poor team development plan
This is often the curse of the trained, or intermediately experienced youth worker. They understand the value of a clear strategy, and they can rock out quality projects. They don’t, however, have the life-experience of developing a long-term committed team.
These ministries are often understaffed, or they are filled with just one personality type (usually the same as the youth worker – or personalities that the youth worker can easily control).
These youth workers burn out quickly and become very frustrated because they are – technically – doing all the right things. Oftentimes, they end up in too many driver’s seats and as a result, are more likely to crash and burn.They simply don’t how how to develop the sense of ownership and support than comes from a team that can outgrow the leader.
Three tips for healthy AND successful youth ministries
So not so much tips as agonising, steep learning curves, but they are all things we should learn to do better.
1. Have a clear strategy
2. Learn to develop relevant, quality projects that flow out of that strategy.
3. Make sure team development is a key feature of both of those.