Helping your child process their exam result – Kirsten Witchalls

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A short helpful set of sports on exam and test results by Careers Adviser, Kirsten Witchalls. Kirsten is also the wife of Alan Witchalls from Video Bible Talks – make sure you check them out!

I am at GCSE results day in my role of a Careers Adviser. My role is the difficult one of picking up the pieces when things haven’t gone so well.
Here’s some advice to parents based on my observations today:

* Whatever people say about changes in grade boundaries, the new GCSE’s are much more rigorous than the old GCSE’s. These young people have been put under huge pressure to succeed, regardless of whether or not you think they have worked hard enough for them.
* Please put aside your disappointment to focus on supporting your child who will feel the burden of not wanting to disappoint you
* Don’t add to their confusion by putting onto your child any prejudices you may have towards alternative qualifications
* Please be aware of trying to persuade your child to fulfill your unfulfilled aspirations
* Times have changed… apprenticeships and alternative qualifications are well respected by employers and definitely not a last option
*PLEASE encourage your child to plan for alternatives so they have options if things don’t go as planned!
* At the end of the day, exams are not the only measure of success. We will all have our own stories on how we have used disappointment to shape us to be the people we are today. How you deal with this disappointment will also have an impact on your child.

Well done if you’ve read this far… I’m just feeling for those who won’t/can’t celebrate today 😏

3 ways to react and respond to GenZ… by Jonny Price

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Recently I wrote about 5 Differences between today’s young people and Millenials. In this blog I want to lay out some potential ways that we as youth workers might start to engage with some of these ideas.

1. Emphasise what we stand FOR, rather than what we are against

For decades the church has been known by those on the outside by what it is against. It is anti-science, anti-LGBTQ, anti-women and anti many other things too. Within the church this has been seen as a sign of the church being counter-cultural, or of the church standing against the tide of society for the sake of the Gospel.

Outside the church though, this has been seen as the church persecuting those who don’t conform, and, far from being counter-cultural, it has been seen as the church promoting the established culture. GenZ are intrinsically egalitarian, they are shocked at the existence of racism, sexism, or any other ism. Combine this with their lack of knowledge of the Christian faith, then they don’t know why the church is standing against those things.

But what about what we stand for? We are for redemption, for equality, for renewal, for the least and the lost. I am certainly not arguing that we should give up our markers in the sand, or that we should keep quiet about what we are against, but maybe we need to re-think or re-emphasise. Are we promoting personal holiness through individual action, or are we promoting systematic cultural change?

 2. Emphasise the everyday-ness of spirituality

For a long time the idea of ‘spiritual but not religious’ has been a catch-all group for those who believe but don’t belong. While many writers argue that GenZ are neither spiritual or religious, I’m not sure that is the case. It seems that many members of GenZ are intrigued by the spiritual world, but they don’t use the code words we in the church look for to signal that they are spiritual.

Combine this with the way we have made Christian spirituality about a special time and place (Sunday morning, summer camp etc.), then why should young people expect to see God in the world around them?

We can help our young people to see God at work in the world through the people around them and through the amazing things that happen each day. We have a huge help in this from the advertising industry, which has trained this generation to be discerning and skeptical. If we can help our young people to use their incredible skills of discernment, then we can help them to see God at work in the everyday world, and help them to see how they are a part of God’s work in this world.

3. Peter, not Paul, should be our example for conversion and faith

We love dramatic conversion stories. We love to see people’s lives changed suddenly, so that they are redeemed and renewed, and we should. These stories are fantastic and inspiring.

But they stand out because they are unusual. It’s much more difficult to see the hard won, life-long search for truth and the struggle to live out that truth.

Which is why I think Peter is such a good example for us to hold to when we are thinking about conversion and faith development. It is not that he is holier, or superior, but that maybe his example is more timely for us today. How many times did he mess up? How many times did he not get it? How many times did he fail? And yet, he was never abandoned, never rejected, always called back.

By emphasising dramatic conversion, epitomised by Paul on the road to Damascus (which wasn’t as sudden or dramatic as we think, but that’s for another time), we set our young people up for disappointment when they don’t experience this sudden transformation in their own lives.

Emphasising Peter over Paul allows us to tap into GenZ’s understanding of change as incremental and slow, and will help us to develop lifelong disciples, rather than summer converts.

In Conclusion

There is no radical rethink here, no reforming of the Christian faith into something new. Instead we need to look at our contemporary culture and, as faithful Christians have done for centuries, see where the contact points between that culture and our faith is and emphasise those.

It can be uncomfortable, but if we can do this well, we can show the rest of the church how it is done and, more importantly, help a generation of young people see that there is a God who loves them, and offers them redemption not just to a new way of life today, but to an eternal life tomorrow.

5 times NOT to love young people

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Let’s start with the elephant in the room. Of course, you should love all young people unconditionally as Jesus taught us; however, that is assuming we all mean the same thing by the word ‘love’.

Love is unconditional, but that doesn’t make it inexcusable. Love is tolerant, but that doesn’t make it unaccountable. Love is forgiving, but that doesn’t make it negligent.

There are times when how we express love for young people could actually create an unloving environment for others. At worst, misapplying love can create a dangerous, disbalanced, and even hostile environment where the community of God just cannot be grown.

Love is love, but sometimes we need to dial back what that means exactly in a practical way for our projects. For instance…

 

  1. When it poses a safeguarding risk

Unconditional love still needs safe boundaries. Love doesn’t mean we can keep secrets, ignore risks, or waive boundaries.

Loving a young person doesn’t mean that they can come on camp without a parent’s consent for instance. Loving a young person doesn’t mean you won’t tell anybody what they disclosed. Loving a young person doesn’t mean you won’t keep them in line with the rules.

 

  1. When it creates a dangerous environment

Loving a young person in some instances could mean tolerating their behaviour without posing discipline or boundaries – for fear that it may come across as ‘unloving.’ But what if this young person is prone to aggression and violence? What if they create a safety risk for your team, yourself, or other young people?

As God disciplines those He loves (Heb. 12:6), we need to provide consistent consequences, correction, and challenge to those who become violent or aggressive. (link)

 

  1. When it is enabling

Sometimes it’s easy to love a young person by just agreeing with or accepting everything they say without challenge. However, many young people that I have worked with have had a problem with self-esteem and so regularly make up stories and fabricate adventures to make themselves look more impressive. Not challenging this enables these habits and actually unhelpfully allows them to keep building shallow value in their lives.

Enabling is not love, but sometimes it’s just easier! But if we keep granting the premises and rules they set, then the following becomes an issue.

 

  1. When it becomes dependent

It’s easy for young people to get too overly attached to a leader. Loving a young person is creating boundaries where they can exercise their independence and grow in wisdom without needing you.

Counsellors all plan an exit strategy where the client does not become overly dependent on them. This often includes protecting family time, turning off your phone and not giving out your home address. The popular ‘incarnational’ model of youth work has a lot to answer for here.

 

  1. When you’re trying to be God

One of the top reasons good youth workers burn out is that they’re trying (link) to be God. It’s great to exercise Christ-likeness in our ministries – but we are not God and cannot do the work of the Holy Spirit.

Having an unconditional openness, sacrificial approach, and constant care and attention approach to every single young person who crosses our paths without healthy boundaries is trying to be God. We’re not – and it’s God the young people actually need, not us.

Why I Wrote ‘Follow Me’ – By Ali Campbell

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Ali Campbell, youth work consultant and founder of ‘The Resource’ takes us behind the scenes as he releases his new book ‘Follow Me: Transforming and shaping lives for the journey.’

I wrote “Follow Me” because I am fascinated by the relationship between Jesus and Peter. As I have worked with young people over the years, I’ve not found a more helpful picture for young people of what it means to be a disciple than to have a look at the life of Peter as we find it in the Gospels, Acts and his letters.

The title of the book is because these are among the first words Jesus speaks to Peter and among the last as he says after his resurrection: Follow Me!

What is most fascinating about this interaction at the end of John’s Gospel is just how human Peter is. I know he is a human; I just mean the honesty of the narrative. Here is Peter, having stuffed up big time, denying Christ as he was tried and then crucified. Then we have Jesus lovingly re-instating him afterwards. And what does Peter say? “Thanks Lord, I don’t know what to say?” Nope, he says, “What about him?” pointing at John!  Unbelievable, but so like us. Another reason for the title is right there, Jesus is saying “Follow ME”. He isn’t saying follow your youth leader, or that dude over there who seems to have it all together. When he calls us and when he calls young people he says, as he did to Peter, “Follow Me”.

I wrote ‘Follow Me’ a devotional following Peter’s conversations, interactions and the times he is present with Jesus, witnessing all that Jesus says and does. Sometimes Peter is amazing, sometimes he is a bit of a dunce – just like us.

My prayer is that – through following Peter’s journey – young people (and anyone else who wants to read it) might be encouraged and inspired in their own walk with Jesus.

Fantastic. Get your copy of ‘Follow Me’.

 

 

What are people saying about Follow Me?

 

“Deep thinking and really relevant ideas that will help young people get to grip with what it means to give their all in pursuit of Jesus.”

Rachel Gardner.
Director of National Youth Work at Youthscape, President of Girls Brigade England and Wales

 

“This is a generation in desperate need for relentless love, rock solid truth and game changing role models.  Engaging in Follow Me will warm the bones, strengthen spiritual muscles and captivate young people with the compelling person and message of Jesus. It is punchy, fun, innovative and inspiring. It will change the lives of all who throw themselves into it.”

Phil Knox.
Head of Mission to Young Adults, Evangelical Alliance

“Ali’s heart, to put the voices and lives of young people at the heart of our engagement with them, has yielded this great resource. Creative, informative and full of wisdom it stems from his many years of experience working alongside young people and enabling discipleship, centring on a passion for Jesus and a commitment to Scripture. I can’t wait to use it with my own nurture group and am sure the depth of material here will keep us pondering far beyond the 40 days!”

Alice Smith. Lead Tutor for Theology and Youth Ministry, St Mellitus College

“Follow Me is an engaging resource which will enhance the spiritual lives of young people in the church.  Readers are invited to go on an explorative journey through 40 concise chapters that are rich with knowledge and relatable stories.”

Liz Edge, Youth Work Practitioner

5 Differences between today’s young people and Millennials – Jonny Price

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This week, Jonny Price, Youth and Children’s Ministry Leader in York, returns to give us some insight into his research into ‘GenZ’, and how young people today are actually quite different to ‘Millennials’ – just like him!

Millenials are everywhere, saving the world or destroying industry depending in your point of view. But the young people we work with today are not millennials. Instead they are Post-millenials, GenZ, iGen… they go by a few labels.

But the important thing is, their values are significantly different to the values of millenials, and so we need to engage with them instead of getting sucked into the church’s (slight) obsession with engaging with ‘millennials.’

However, before I do, I just want to sound a note of caution. Much of the material that I have found comes from the marketing industry. While it is slightly concerning that those most interested with the attitudes and beliefs of the next generation are those wishing to sell to them, that is not the main concern. We should be wary as to how much marketers are reacting to generational trends, and how much they are setting them. If a group of people grow up confronted regularly with a certain set of values, it is only natural that those values will affect how they see the world.

Here I have tried to look past the obvious ones like ‘shorter attention spans’, or ‘better multi-tasking’, and instead dig into the values they hold and the causes for them.

Now, on with the list

 

  1. Progress, but not seismic shifts

Millenials seem to believe that if they can just sort that one thing out, then everything will be better. Whether they are talking about racism, sexism, exploitation of the workforce, wealth inequality (they are such an earnest lot), that in each of those issues there is a key point, and if it could be changed it would improve. This is unsurprising in a generation that have seen the growth of the internet, the change in the world since 9/11, and the impact of the global recession in their lifetimes. If it goes down, it must go up.

GenZ are much more pragmatic in their approach to change. They believe that small changes will lead to big change, and that improvement in life will come slowly. This makes sense; the phones, computers, and tablets that influence so much of their world are constantly being updated with new fixes and small improvements. It makes sense that they would see the world this way.

 

  1. There is only sub-culture

Millenials see themselves as part of the wider world. They see the shapes and trends in culture and react to them. While there is significant individualisation in their own particular subcultures, through the things they consume and the values they hold, there is still an overarching culture they see themselves as part of

For GenZ, the wider culture has far less impact on them. In many ways there is now only sub-culture, with each individual or group of friends setting the norms and values for themselves without recourse to the adult world.

 

  1. If we can’t influence it, we’ll make our own

Millenials have regularly been described by both their lauders and detractors, as anti-authoritarian. They want to push back against the world, they want to challenge those in authority and want to make changes to the way the world is.

GenZ are also anti-authortiarian, but in a very different way. Instead of imposing themselves on the adult world and attempting to change it, they will instead create their own spaces in which to flourish and grow, ignoring the external society and culture, although to what extent this is a result of the life stage they are at is debatable.

 

  1. I’ll do it my own way

Millenials are a communal generation. They want to work together to achieve their goals, they value community life, and will search out those with similar interests or experiences to them to form communities.

GenZ are far more independent. This has implication across this cohorts life. They are less likely to attend higher education and more likely to enter the workforce sooner. They are less likely to seek work and are more entrepreneurial. They want to do it themselves.

 

  1. ‘Internet famous’ isn’t a thing anymore

Millenials, remember a time before the true growth of the internet, and have inherited their parents slight snobbishness about the internet. However much they invest in it, it still isn’t quite real.

GenZ have no such compunctions about the internet. Influencers actually influence them, internet famous is actually famous. While this may seem a trivial point, it has significant implications. That YouTube celebrity you dismiss as just another internet guy? That person probably has more influence and impact on our young people’s life than we do.

So where does that leave us?

It is still early days for GenZ studies. Like millennials, they will lauded and lambasted, they will be the generation to save the world, or the one that is destroying the way things are.

How should we as youth workers react to these changes? That is a topic for another blog.

 

57 random suggestions for new pastors

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Love people more than you love books.

Teach the people you have, not the people you wish you had.

Ask questions. lots and lots of questions.

Hang out with other pastors.

Spend time with the children.

Pray more for people than you talk about people.

Knowing things that should make you a better preacher, won’t necessarily make you a better preacher.

If you are not seeking God’s voice, you cannot share God’s Word.

Placating difficult personalities rarely makes things easier.

Neither does just ‘letting them have it’.

You cannot be all things to all people… That’s not what that verse means.

If your prayer meetings are empty, it doesn’t matter how full your services are.

You can’t look after a congregation if you’re not looking after your family.

You can’t look after your family alone.

Preachers on youtube are not the best model for pastoral ministry.

Training is not just for ‘other people’.

Training alone does not prepare you completely.

Let people serve – even if you can do it better than them.

Train people – even if it’s easier to just do it yourself.

Sing worship like your life depends on it. It probably does.

Plan your time around the priorities the Holy Spirit lays on your heart. If you don’t – other people will plan your time around their priorities.

See your job description as something that should be fulfilled by year 5, not day 1.

Leave 10% of your time ‘free’ for growth that will come later. Don’t ever commit to something to simply make up the hours.

Don’t hold grudges.

Take people bowling.

Keep your office tidy.

Take your days off, and disconnect. No email or phone.

Plan Sundays where you are part of the congregation and not leading anything.

Avoiding conflict doesn’t actually avoid conflict.

Avoiding conflict doesn’t actually make life easier.

Avoiding conflict usually creates more conflict.

Treat volunteers professionally, and hold them to agreed standards.

Find a small group of people who serve and dedicate most of your time to them. Then get them to dedicate their time to others.

Love your Bible. Really really love it.

Welcome criticism, but disregard most of it.

Find people you trust to give criticism that you won’t disregard (and not just people who agree with you).

Pray like your life depends on it. It probably does.

Don’t see prayer as a function of ministry, but as an expression of relationship.

Don’t be afraid of getting things wrong. You were never made to be perfect – in fact, God tends to get more glory when you’re not.

Bring Jesus and the Gospel into every debate – see all disagreements in light of a Christ context.

Find a new hobby.

Stay healthy. Eat well, sleep consistently, exercise regularly.

Look after your youth worker. Be involved with what they do – volunteer for ‘their’ ministry.

Bring your administrator doughnuts.

Spend more time with people than you do alone in your office.

Spend time alone in your office.

Read good books about being a pastor by people who have done it for years in small churches, not brand new megachurches – for instance Eugene Peterson’s, The Contemplative Pastor

Help people to pray.

Ask for prayer often.

Love what you do. Or stop doing it.

13 Rules of thumb for giving better talks

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Here are a few golden rules of thumb for public speaking. These have nothing to do with content or spirituality, but they should help all of us speak more clearly and accessibly. Better speaking means clearer delivery, and clearly delivery means that more people will get it!

1. Don’t commentate on your talk as you give it.

‘Oh, sorry, that was rubbish wasn’t it…’

‘Ah, it looks like no-one gets what I’m saying…’

‘As you’re all switching off, I’ll end with this..,’

‘Right, so, just like me, I’m going to be really controversial now…’

Commentating on your own talk swings between under-confidence and over-arrogance. It’s rarely helpful, and often distracting. Say what you planned to say, and lets do the commentating later.

2. Ditch the intro.

If you don’t hook me in the first 30seconds, then to be honest I’m already starting to drift. The introduction is your time to set up the intrigue, grab peoples attention, and bring them into the ride safely.

Talking for five minutes about who you are an why you’re here does none of that! If you really must make an intro, then get the service leader to do it. Ditch the intro and get straight into it!

3. Fit an orange in your mouth.

I’ve been a public speaking voice coach for a number of years and two of the most consistent problems I hear are ‘I speak too fast’ and ‘I’m too nervous.’ A great way to begin to remedy both of these is to open your mouth wider.

Opening your mouth allows more airflow and stretches your facial and neck muscles. This oxygenate your system, gets blood flowing, and realises endorphins. This makes you less nervous. Opening your mouth wider also increases recovery time between words and syllables, so you speak slower.

How wide? Just imagine you need to fit a whole orange in your mouth, then practice in front of a mirror. You won’t look as silly as you think I promise you!

4. Check the mic like a ninja.

‘Check, check… can you all here me?’ [tap] [tap] [tap]

This screams under-confidence and insecurity. A tip I got from an acting and comedian friend is just say ‘hello’ into the mic and wait to hear if you get a response.

Use some kind of phrase or breath to check the mic like a ninja, rather than making it obvious.

5. Leave your kids out of it.

So this is a little bit content related. The amount of times that I hear a speaker effectively bad mouth their own kids, or spouse, or parents from the front is terrifying. They are not fair game, and you will lose the respect of people in the room. Even just passive mentions should be checked with them first.

Personal stories and experiences are great, but be respectful in how you put them together or the people you’re speaking to will stop trusting what you have to say.

6. Pause. Breathe. Pause.

Using the right amount of empty space makes talks. Reflection moments, and time for a point to sink in are golden. However, in usual conversation we call these ‘awkward silences’ so we don’t tend to feel comfortable with them, and don’t know how long to do it publicly.

Obviously learn to fit the pause to the point, but for now start with pause-breath-pause. Say your point and pause for what feels right. Then breath in deeply, and do the pause again. Then continue (It’ll probably be 3-5 seconds).

7. Walk. Stop. Walk.

Some inexperienced speakers are constantly walking around the stage with little understanding of where they are, and why they’re heading there. As actors will tel you, power and authority comes from standing still and straight, while intrigue and informality comes from slowly walking around. The trick is to use both.

If you walk from your lectern/music-stand/pulpit to somewhere else on the stage, stop and deliver a line still before walking back. Walk with a line. Stop with a line. Walk with a line.

Again, these are best matched to the point, but its a good place to start and learn body control as your speaking.

8. Learn some technical stuff.

Public speaking is a vocation, an art, and a skill. It has technicality that is worth the time to learn. Technical stuff should never replace the need for solid content, but it is important to make that content heard.

I’ve already mentioned breathing, body awareness, but also think about matching your points to the right volume, pitch, pace, register, timbre, and register. Find what part of your vocal instrument matches the point to the audience and practice so you can control it.

You can learn some of this stuff online, but vocal coaches and singing teachers can help you best with this. I coach people all around them world through Skype – so there are options available. If speaking is a big part of your ministry, its worth some time and money to train as a speaker.

9. Smile properly. Laugh lots.

Unless it really doesnt match your content, a gentle yet active smile that reaches your eyes will keep people with you. Humans response to smiling features on a fact – we recognise them subliminally and emulate them. This also increases endorphins and blood flow – and it usually opens your eyes a little wider letting more light in. All of this makes you more comfortable and confident.

Laughing lots before a talk is a great way of relaxing nerves and getting more oxygen to the brain. Well worth travelling down to your talk with some funny people in the car!

10. Get there early.

One of the best tips I was ever given for talks I was worried about was to get there early. This gives you the chance to do two very important things:

First, it allows you to meet the people. Make connections, shake hands, tell stories, ask questions. If you’ve already made those connections then both delivering and hearing the talk will go smoother. I’ve been known to stand with the welcome team in places I’ve not spoken at before, just to say hi to as many people as possible.

Second, it gives you space to test the mic, adjust the stand, and look up and around at the room to see where the dead spots will be. It dulls the surprise of coming in fresh when you’re about to deliver.

11. Pick out your players.

When I’m nervous (which is still all the time when I’m speaking), I tend to always look at one spot and keep talking to it.

Instead, pick out four to six people in different parts of the room and go back and forth looking at these people. I think of this like football; I pick out some people on the wing, and people in the centre and keep passing to them.

Realistically, this keeps me speaking to the whole room, and not just a small cluster in it.

12. Ignore mistakes.

You may need to occasionally correct a sentence, but don’t linger on it. Correct and move on.

Drawing attention to your mistakes makes an audience loose interest, and it makes you feel less confident and competent. Move through it and move past it.

13. Ignore numbers 1-12.

These ‘golden rules of thumb’ are there to help you deliver a clearer message and be a support for your point. If they become the main thing – throw them out. Some of the best speakers regularly break these rules because their own character can make it work.

If these are helpful – great. If they breakup your flow, make you panic, or get in the way of personality – get rid of them!

Have fun.

Discussing 13 Reasons Why and How to Respond – by Cassandra Smith

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13 Reasons Why is a Netflix original series based on the book by Jay Asher. The drama is centered around high school aged characters whose narratives include abuse, bullying, sexual assault, self-harm, and suicide. Despite its TV-MA rating, teens are binge watching content that highlights intense issues in graphically dramatized, highly emotional narratives.

This leaves us with key questions:

  1. Do we, as concerned adults, watch the show or not? Is that helpful or harmful?
  2. With so many of our students watching—what is our best response?
  3. How do we, as ministers of the Gospel, tackle hard issues in relevant ways?

To Watch or Not to Watch

If we choose to watch 13 Reasons Why for entertainment value—I believe it could be harmful. If we watch for sake of education—there is a potential to learn a great deal on situations young people face. That being said—even with the right intentions the episodes could prove triggering for adults as well. The show does not shy away from brutally graphic portrayals of sexual assault, pornography, sexuality, and completed suicide.

Though I do not condone the show—I did watch it. Why? Because I wanted to be able to provide tools for others who might feel unsure of how to tackle such heavy material. Even with that—I could not stomach several scenes. For those of you who are uncertain about episode content, I have made a full Discussion Guide available, complete with content warnings.

Make sure you make the right decision for you—as how it affects you matters too.

What is our Best Response?

Netflix should not be the ones leading conversations about difficult topics—the church should. Over and over, my students told me they felt understood by the characters in 13 Reasons Why. The relatability piece gave them a sense of belonging. They had a script with which to attach their confusions, emotions and hurt. But I never want a streaming TV service to be the source my teens to find the language for what they feel.

Knowing that content like 13 Reasons Why is out there should push us towards leaning in to student’s stories in appropriate avenues. This may mean initiating one on one meetings with students we know are struggling, forming small groups in which it’s safe to ask messy questions or housing forums for “tough stuff” nights. Anytime we can communicate to students, “Your confusion is welcome here, let me help you find the language and tools to work through it in a healthy way” we form the sense of belonging they crave.

Tackling Tough Stuff

Though students identify with the characters or content of 13 Reasons Why, they are also set up for disappointment once the season concludes. To stir up emotions to that magnitude and not have a pathway of hope is a real problem. Directing students towards hope is one thing a streaming media service does not have—but we do.

We have a reason for our hope. As believers, we carry a message of hope for those who are hurting. How do move that message of hope forward? Often if comes with leaning in to listen, earning trust, providing wise counsel and sharing the Gospel in the right way, at the right time, when a hurting heart is open to receiving it. It is a delicate balance—but through appropriate, intentional pursuit we have the ability to model the hope of Jesus to those looking for it.

A Pathway of Hope for Those Who Watched 13 Reasons Why

Knowing 13 Reasons Why would surface the struggles may young people face—I didn’t want them to be alone. Additionally, I didn’t want Youth Workers, Pastors and parents to feel alone.

It is why I created a Season Two Processing Guide for viewers, parents and youth workers. Students need help understanding the complex nature of issues like abuse, addiction, bullying, depression, hardship at home, image, self-harm and suicide. As we give them room to talk freely about their thoughts on these matters—we teach them how to handle them in a manner that lines up with the Gospel.

You are not alone in seeking to point young people towards the hope and help they desire. May you be given strength and encouragement as you walk with students in difficult places.

 

Bio/Byline:

Through fifteen years as a youth worker, crisis counseling, non-profit work, mentorship and training of millennial’s, Cassandra Smith seeks to direct teens and young adults towards a pathway of hope. Her Processing Guide for 13 Reasons Why is now available at www.BeyondTheReasons.com

Follow her at www.ChangeYourNarrative.org and on Instagram and Facebook

10 financial tips from a youth worker to a youth worker.

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Financial advice to a youth worker from a youth worker.

This might be one of the most hypocritical posts that I’ve ever written and that’s saying something! I’m rubbish at handling money. I don’t care all that much about it and I don’t think all that much about it either. In fact, it was only when I really understood my serious lack of stewardship gifts that I handed the responsibility over to my wife and we began to get straightened out.

I do, however, spend a lot of my time mentoring and coaching youth workers. That – along with my own disastrous financial experience – means I understand and have lived through many of the pressures and conflicts surrounding money in ministry. I don’t think we pay ministers enough, and youth ministers are often at the bottom end of this – but this is the reality of our world that we need to learn to live within.

I’m fortunate now to work for a charity that wants to support me well for the work I do, but many youth workers don’t have this, and even those of us who do still struggle. When I was in my first youth ministry position, I thought I was paid quite well – that was until I discovered that we were in the bottom 10% in our area and were racking up more debt each month!

The bottom line is that we don’t get into ministry to be wealthy, and we are often paid less than many of people that we serve. This is the nature of the beast. Some of us also get into ministry quite young, want to start families, and hold the baggage of student debt to boot.

It was only a few years ago that my wife and I were still in almost £10,000 of debt. A better job, a clearer understanding, some generosity, and a lot of planning helped us clear this completely. Credit for this needs to go to my wife, but here are a few things that I picked along the way.

This is the one of the weirdest posts I’ve ever written, but the more time I spend with youth workers the more I realise that many of these basic skills and understandings are often missing.

Hopefully these aren’t too condescending, and hopefully for some people they may be helpful. Enjoy!

1. Make peace with the reality of your role

As a youth worker in the West, you should consider yourself a missionary. Your work primarily will be finding and winning souls in a culture foreign to your own. There is frugal mindset that comes along with being a missionary, and an acceptance that you’re not going to be exactly like the people who surround you. Thrift stores should be your friend and an old car your chariot.

I see many youth workers still aim for the idyllic lifestyles of families with different resources – assuming that’s what ‘normal’ looks like, and thus so should they. Dates, houses, cars, strollers, supermarket choices etc all. try to follow these lines. As a missionary you need to budget robustly, spend creatively, and prioritise clearly.

2. Don’t buy anything on credit

Every time I go to a youth worker gathering, I find myself wondering how so many fellow workers are driving newer cars. Then there’s new phones, branded clothes, and planned holidays. I’m one of the slightly better paid youth workers in the UK, which still means I take home less than an entry level teacher. So how are my brothers and sisters doing this?

In some cases, it could be two sources of income, generous gifts, or well-planned savings, but it’s unlikely to be these across the board. I started to ask around and it turns out that so much of it is bought on credit. Little is actually owned, and variable debt is piling up beyond the means to pay it back.

I think this comes from not having the mindset of the missionary and assuming that were supposed to be just like everybody else – and have what everybody else has. If it all possible then, avoid buying anything you don’t need to on credit. Consider that buying a mobile phone out right – even brand-new flagships – then having a sim-only contract works out almost half the price of a ‘free’ phone under a regular contract.

Credit promotes false economy and dictates financial terms for years to come for the promise of instant fixes.

3. Become a jack-of-all-trades

Creativity goes a long way financially, and as youth workers, we should really be rocking this:

Learn some basic mechanics and maintain your own car. YouTube is your friend.

Use comparison websites, understand vacation calendars, and book ahead.

Look for, save, and use coupons.

Know how to squeeze the most from your computer – update the hardware and keep the software clean.

Spend some time in learning about different bank systems, savings accounts, investments, and long-term interest.

Know which shops sell which products at the best prices – even if this means doing the weekly shop in four different buildings.

Know which days and hours in a week are the best times to find bargains.

Don’t pay people to ‘make things easier’. Learn how to do things yourself.

4. Save anything

For the longest time I said that we couldn’t save until we were out of debt. I then said we couldn’t save until we are in “a better place financially”. Both of these what are based on misinformation or poor assumptions.

Sending a standing order, even just £5 a month, into a savings account is worthwhile. By the end of the year, £10 a month might pay for Christmas. My wife and I started off with two very small savings accounts, with ludicrously small standing order amounts. The first would cover spending on holidays, or birthdays that we forgot about; the second we would never touch unless in an absolute emergency. Even the silly small amounts have made a difference to our budgeting and planning. We also save loose change in a jar for the occasional take-out or treat. The best thing about this is it’s not money we factor in and so it doesn’t affect our budget.

5. Budget everything

Have a look through your last year of accounts and find out what you spend beyond direct debits and standing orders. Chart all these out and put up some budget boundaries. Just about everything we spend comes out of a carefully planned budget.

Food, hygiene, coffeeshops, appointments, entertainment, streaming services, fuel – everything is budgeted. It even includes a little bit for pocket money and date nights. This took a long time to get right, but it’s so worth it.

6. Give cheerfully

A think it’s a biblical principle to give out from all we receive – and not to wait to give until we are able. My wife and I give regularly, in small amounts through standing order, and less regularly in large amounts a couple of times a year.

I believe it’s a poor and unfaithful decision two wait to give until you ‘feel’ secure. Although there are many ways of giving, it’s too easy to count out financial stewardship through fear.

7. Receive gratefully

Enjoy gratefully the help you get from friends and church. Speaking gifts, dinner at people’s houses, babysitting, old cars, or even help gardening are wonderful expressions that we should not be too proud to receive when offered cheerfully.

These things shouldn’t come with strings attached, and you shouldn’t let yourself create guilt-burdened links because of them. Say thank you, be thankful, and receive gratefully.

8. Shop smartly

EBay, facebook, gumtree, and charity shops are your friends. Don’t always buy new and know how to shop smartly. Read reviews carefully and make sensible choices for what you really need.

Last year I bought a new phone, and I really wanted a good one. I needed long battery life, durability, and a solid camera. Everyone was telling me to buy the new Samsung flagship, however, after careful reviews I bought the LGG6. Because this came at the same time as the Samsung, it was overshadowed by it, and was therefore much much cheaper. No one wanted it even though the package was almost identical, and in some areas better.

This also goes two ways, sell what you don’t need regularly. Don’t horde, and keep cash moving.

9. Automate it

If you’re like me, then you might be a little bit reckless, impulsive, and fearful when it comes to money. Setup standing orders and direct debits so you never forget to pay bills, pay off debt, save, and budget.

Automate everything so you’ll never get late payment fines or unplanned overdraft fees. Don’t trust memory and use the systems that are available to you.

10. The best things in life are free

Enjoy the good things that don’ cost. Hang out with friends, go for walks, take up healthy sports that don’t require memberships or much equipment. There is a lot to enjoy in life that doesn’t require money – just a joyful spirt and a little creativity.

Should Dr. Jordan Peterson be a role model for youth workers?

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Jordan Peterson. Is he the opium for the masses of yesteryear – fighting a last hurrah for traditional masculinity before it plunges into the abyss? Or is he the the national self-help coach, strapping a pseudo-understanding of a plethora of human interest topics onto his otherwise robust portfolio of clinical psychology (with grey tape and bungee chords), hoping that no-one noticed? Is he a misunderstood messiah, or troubled and troubling? Who is he, and do we really want to learn from him?

Upfront I want to say that I like Jordan Peterson – mostly. I’m not a lobster t-shirt wearing ‘bucko’, as his more effusive fans are affectionally called. I’ve read ‘The 12 Rules for Life’ and, despite being written in uninspiring prose, it does have a lot of well-tested, sensible ideas to take away. I’ve also listened to many of his interviews and lectures, and have learned much in the process. Some of it I liked straight away, other parts challenged me directly and won me over eventually. I respect that, however unpopular his ideas might be, he engages in calm and collected reasoning, allowing anything on the table as long as it is presented respectfully.

From a Christian perspective, however, there are some problems to navigate through. These are problems which need to be taken on board very carefully before we surrender our own reasoning abilities to his, getting caught up in the flow that it changes how we approach ministry.

Tread Carefully

I’ve just finished an MA in the hopes of soon starting a PhD, and – although I did well – one of the most consistent pieces of feedback that I received from professors is that my analysis is good but my conclusions are often overstated. I wonder if the same can be said for Dr. Peterson?

When you listen to Dr. Peterson question, dig, differentiate, clarify, and present clinic studies as evidence – he is on fire! His critical reasoning abilities, especially in the line of critical and hostile debate is incredible. His analysis is often spot on, sourced well and undergirded with a startling, well-honed talent for critical thinking.

His conclusions, however, often jump wildly to something that can seem completely left field. His credibility was built during the analysis, which – guard now dropped – makes us accept his conclusions all too readily.

The problem, of course, is that he is looking for the ‘true’ meta-narrative of the universe without actually knowing God. He is attempting to find this ultimate truth in the orbits of myth, legend, ancient story, classical philosophy, and even the Bible. These, however, all surround an aura of an idea that he hasn’t properly grasped or digested, thus are all held with equal weight.

Dr. Peterson is looking for an ultimate ethic; an absolute foundational set of principles to guide humanity, but without a living relationship with the living God. This means he is working from the outside in – getting close, but misunderstanding the weight of his evidence, thus missing the truth.

Without a fundamentally Christian ethic he can only get close, but not actually get on point.

What does this look like?

His idea of the divine results in an Eastern balance of equal and opposite forces – almost karmic. The yin-yang is his meta-type metaphor that he uses to explain the chaos and order that battle in the world. This stems from a serious lack of understanding of the nature of sin (the actual bringing of chaos), and the character of God (ultimate order).

His conclusion is balance (over equality), and wit this comes an acceptance of suffering as a part of life, helped only by the masses individually trying to correct unjust situations.

There is a lot of admire in this, but ultimately it is a pure form of humanism, and not compatible with Christianity.

Aspects missing from Dr. Peterson’s worldview – but clear in Jesus’ – are things like:

  • Ultimate sacrificial love
  • Servant-hearted leadership
  • A honour in humility
  • Seeking to be last
  • Dependence upon God
  • Seeking the goodness of others above personal success
  • An end to suffering – ultimately
  • Chaos solved by surrender to, not creation of, order

This is not to say that Dr. Peterson isn’t immensely compassionate, and fiercely ethical. I believe he is. Christian ethics, however, cannot be tamed by conventional wisdom, or dammed by conventional fears. The God-man, Jesus, demonstrates the perfect picture of leadership that run counter to the ideas of self-actualised success as presented (at least in my understanding) of Dr. Peterson’s work.

Some of this comes down to him being a traditional scientist, weighing all evidence with equal weight as is responsible to the method. Thus the Bible is put alongside other sources feather than above it. Some of this, however, also comes down to a poor understanding of the Bible. When he does quote from Scripture, he seems to cite odd scholarship and rather mess up fundamental exegetical methods.

We do, therefore, need to tread carefully when mirroring Dr. Peterson’s worldview. This doesn’t mean, however, that there’s not a lot we can’t learn from him.

What can we learn from Dr. Peterson

Going back to his analysis, I think that the most important takeaways from Dr. Peterson is both his critical thinking ability and calm response to conflict.

Critical Thinking

I believe that critical thinking is one of the most undervalued aspects of early education. Throughout high-school (in the UK at least), the emphasis is placed on memorisation of facts, rather than on the discovery of them.

This, in turn, has deeply effected our evangelism. I guess that almost half the questions that I’m asked by young people would never have been asked in the first place if they were taught how to think. Misplaced stereotypes and new-atheist propaganda has been swallowed hook, line, and sinker, as if it was candy rather than a barb.

When we are asked a question, our natural response is to answer it – either as stated or as categorised as something we’ve heard before. Neither of these might be what the asker was interested in.

Instead, when asked a question, Dr. Peterson, clarifies the question. He asks a question back (or twelve), not to avoid but to focus. In doing this he better understands the question, shows more respect for the person asking the question, and he starts to find holes in the assumptions given.

Take this question for instance:

‘If God exists why is there suffering and evil?’

There’s a question we’ve all heard many times, and we probably already have a stock answer ready to roll. However, using critical thinking, and being a little Socratic about it we can have a much more effective answer. How about responding to that with one of these:

Why do you think suffering and evil means God can’t exist?

What kind of God are you talking about?

What kind of suffering and evil are you talking about?

How would you do it?

Can you think of any way suffering happens for a good reason?

Are you struggling with something right now? Want to talk about that?

A little bit of critical thinking reveals that this question doesn’t challenge God’s existence at all, instead it brings up whether or not someone likes the idea of God, which is a much weaker – but more honest – position.

This effects our Bible studies and talks too. If we only ask closed ended questions, or speaking at young people then we won’t be training them to discover truth for themselves. What about printing off Bible verses, and letting young people try their hand at some exegesis tools? What about getting them to write a Bible study then deliver it?

Critical thinking is gold, because we love and serve a reasonable God. He wants us to think, and He wants us to discover Him.

Calm under Conflict

If you watch Dr. Peterson when he comes under fire in an interview or debate, you’ll notice a few things.

First, his posture doesn’t change. He stays leaned back, with his hands folded.

Second, he doesn’t loose eye-contact, he stays connected at a personal level.

Third, his tone, although firm and direct doesn’t gain an overly aggressive edge. He remains respectful.

Fourth, he listens critically, doesn’t interrupt, takes a minute to understand and clarify, and he processes his answer carefully.

If you watch me – especially at my worst – you’ll see me do all the opposite of these things. I lean in, I fidget, I interrupt, I look anywhere but at the person’s face, I speak erratically and defensively, I say off-the-cuff things or placating things, and I speak to quickly without digesting. Bad!

This is one of the main reasons he wins his debates, but is also one of the main reasons he is respected. He shows respect when under conflict.

He is slightly less reasonable when the person attacking him is rude and unreasonable – which is fair enough. However, as we work with teenagers and in churches, we may need to dial up our tolerance for this kind of behaviour.

So what?

Dr. Jordon Peterson, I believe, is a helpful figure in public discourse. He’s thoughtful, compassionate, helpful, and articulate. He thinks before he speaks and he listens carefully. He doesn’t dismiss the supernatural out-of-hand, and he believes in the power of story.

He does not, however, represent a Christian worldview, or present a complete picture of Christian leadership values as were displayed in Jesus. Thus we need to tread carefully around his conclusions.

Dr. Peterson does, finally, give us a wonderful role-model for critical thinking, and remaining calm under conflict. Both of these traits will, I believe, serve us very well in our ministries with young people.