50 stupidly wrong misconceptions that I started ministry with

When I was at Bible College, I knew everything, and I mean everything. Everyone else was stupid, inconsistent, fallacious, illogical, irrational, and erratic. I was one of the sound ones which – for some stupid, inconsistent, fallacious, illogical, irrational, and erratic reason – meant that I could speak to and about others with sarcasm, condescension, or even open distain. Like Sensi Akira Kurosawa from The Simpsons said of Bart, “ah ah, the impetuousness of youth!” But was it just youth, and is it just me?

I always called this First year at Recognised Theological College Syndrome (or FARTS for short), but since the dramatic sprawl of Christian influence on social media, it seems to linger beyond college, and is far more pervasive than just among the ‘qualified.’ FARTS, it seems, is a wider problem.

Another, perhaps more sinister way of thinking about it, is the legitimised suspension of the Fruit of the Spirit. That as long as you think that what you’re saying is ‘true’ enough, and your opponent is ‘false’ enough, you could legitimately speak about others without need for grace or mercy.

Some of this is emotional convenience. Self-righteousness and pride, at some carnal level, feels good, affirming, and even empowering. It’s easy to grab some cheap measure of this with a bit of sarcastic rhetoric – or by dropping a back-handed gif to a person on Facebook that we’ll probably never meet. An avatar, after all, is not eye contact, and an emoticon is not the same as tone-of-voice.

I sometimes wonder if this is something that those of us who consider ourselves as particularly ‘Bible-centred’ are perhaps more guilty of overall.

So, with all that in mind, I thought I would throw out here a whole bunch of stuff that I’ve been wrong about. Dead wrong. Stupidly wrong. Especially from when I was at Bible College, or early on in my career. This is not to say I don’t still make mistakes now (I do!), but this is not that post. This also isn’t to say that I was ineffective, unloved, or a bad person – we all make mistakes and nurse misconceptions. I’m trying hard to learn and grow, and it’s helpful for me to be able to point these out and go ‘wow, was I off!’

In the spirit of ‘this is a safe place’ feel free to share or comment on your own early misconceptions of ministry life. Here for now, however, are a few that I had:

  1. I’m probably the Holy Spirit in some kind of unique way.
  2. Unbelievers – especially those with influence – are the enemies.
  3. Satan, for all intents and purposes, doesn’t really exist.
  4. Being ‘bold’ makes it ok to be an ass.
  5. Aggressive rhetorical devices are justified by gospel passion.
  6. Anything that does not agree with my ‘sound’ theology is heresy.
  7. Said heretics should be shot from a cannon into the sun.
  8. Nobody has said anything useful since about 1600.
  9. Youth ministry is healthiest when it’s fundamentally separate from the rest of the church.
  10. Parents are part of the problem.
  11. I have nothing to teach parents.
  12. Parents have nothing to teach me.
  13. Proof-texting is fine, as long as the thing its proofing happens to be somewhat true.
  14. It’s only ‘dogmatic’ if you’re wrong.
  15. I’m more responsible for young people than the pastor… or their parents.
  16. Schools are fundamentally evil, and teachers are the tools of Satan.
  17. I know better than the entire education system.
  18. I also know better than the entire ______ system (fill in as appropriate).
  19. It’s easy to change people’s minds.
  20. It’s better to change someone’s approach to ministry than it is to change where or how they serve in ministry.
  21. Jesus only loved me when I was being lovable.
  22. I would be more effective with a soul patch.
  23. I would be more effective with blonde highlights.
  24. DC Talk are probably prophets.
  25. Youth workers don’t last because they are weak quitters.
  26. Pastors, overall, are pretty stupid.
  27. If a young person does drugs, goes drinking, has sex, etc. it’s probably my fault.
  28. Theology is really simple. Black and white in fact.
  29. It’s OK for me to publicity criticise people that I’m not praying for.
  30. Other things are just as important as the gospel.
  31. Anything ‘social gospel’ is probably heretical or a compromise.
  32. I’m clever if I use the phrase ‘logical fallacy’ as much as possible.
  33. Because someone is upset with me, they deserve my immediate attention.
  34. Because someone is upset with me, they are somehow abusing me.
  35. It’s godly for me to surround myself with toxic people in order to be accepting.
  36. Decisions are made in meetings.
  37. Those who use Greek and Hebrew have been let in on secrets that God doesn’t tell other people.
  38. The Bible doesn’t talk about youth ministry.
  39. The Fruit of the Spirit is secondary to soundness and boldness.
  40. Children’s work is theologically-lite by nature.
  41. Authority is limited to the qualified.
  42. Soundness and boldness are next to godliness.
  43. Soundness and boldness are whatever I think and however I speak at any given moment.
  44. It’s cool to be controversial.
  45. You don’t need to pay attention to Matthew 18:15-22 if you’re writing online.
  46. Being clever and being right are synonymous.
  47. I know just as much as ____ (insert Christian leader here) regardless of their experience, life, or qualifications.
  48. Only Christians understand anything about love.
  49. Delirious can’t play in tune (I’m still on the fence on this one).
  50. I’d be better than the guy on stage.

 

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

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